C Harrison walks into the house and instructs the men that they should take full advantage of any moments spent with Ali - that it may be the only time they have with her that week. Shockingly similar advice to visiting your grandma in a nursing home? Anyways, C drops the date card on the table and runs away before Weatherman starts throwing lightening bolts or Craig and Kasey start bitching that the date card is not here for the right reasons. Roberto gets the one-on-one, and the couch in my living room swooned.
SIDENOTE (well kind of): Coming back from the Met exhibit on Saturday I got a call from Craig. He was out west with some of the guys reuniting. Shocking - he was wasted and claiming that Kasey's kidneys had actually failed him. He mentioned that he was with Kasey, Hunter, and John C. and asked which one I wanted. John L.
One-on-One Numero Uno - "I'm afraid of heights so let's have a helicopter pick us up and take us to a tightrope"
Roberto
It's fitting that with Ali's fear of flying that the producers would set up romantic dates where she'd have to get hopped up on Valium, pushed into a chopper and pray she didn't slur her words when tightrope walking across tall buildings to finally arrive at her destination. No worries mi amor! Roberto was far more suave than Jesse when it came to protecting Ali from the big bad helicopter and oh wait, making her feel safe. My heart goes pitter patter for Roberto, but I panicked when he went in for the kiss mid air. It sure would have been romantic if he and Ali plunged 60 stories to their death (and the "first in Bachelorette history"). What if they fall you ask? No worries - they are falling ... in love.
Six seasons in and ABC is really running on low for new ideas. Across safely, cue unassuming bed on rooftop and palm to palm action ("Your hands are bigger than mine.", "No, your hands are bigger than mine.") There was some romantic kissing after Ali pulled out some Spanish of her own and Roberto, por supuesto, gets the rose. Is it me, or do you just want to run your fingers through Roberto's hair? I digress ..
Group Date - "Come Rock My World"
Kirk, John C., Chris N., Jon, Craig, Frank, Justin, Jesse, Chris L.
The boys are told to come rock Ali's world. Kasey, who clearly has the best singing voice in the house (seeping sarcasm), tells the camera that he's jealous he's not on the date. He would love to show Ali his voice and sing a song from the heart. This is where I started playing the Kasey game (note, I'm sure K is actually a really great guy) - I suggest you start it up at home next week. Every time Kasey says something, just say "Manamana". Do it. It'll make you feel like you're back to your youth watching Linda Ronstadt sing on the Muppets show.So the guys selected for the date head to a backside road and find themselves standing in front of none other than the Bare Naked Ladies. Survey in a room of four girls, half of us have seen these guys in concert circa 1996. Kirks says he has some great HS memories of listening to BNL. Craig told the camera that everyone of his friends back home is going to be jealous that he's in a BNL music video. Crickets? Bueller? Friends?
The acting for the music video was quite entertaining, especially when Weatherman geeked out before kissing Ali's neck. I'm starting to think he likes Earth Science and boys more than Ali. With Kirk up to act,the ABC sound editor bought rights from the "Debbie Does Dallas" soundtrack and cut the scene where the two make out for what seems like 45 minutes of the two hour episode.
The rest of the group date night was a solid waste of fifteen minutes. [SIDENOTE: Can we just talk for a moment about how awesome the Ken Dating Tips interstitials were?] And don't think I haven't noticed that Craig hasn't had any face time with Ali. I thought I'd get to watch him mack it like he did back in the Sammy frat basement, but instead they went to commercial after he broke up Weatherman's alone time on the couch. But at least Craig gets some one-on-one time with the camera. In fact, the ABC confession room loves him. John N., who are you?
With a premiere of their "new music video" and some more making out with Kirk - Kirk get the rose. The official music video is actually great, and I wouldn't be opposed to a BNL comeback.
One-on-One #2 - "Um, This is Awkward."
Hunter, oh and Rated R
While Rated R.
Fast forward to Ali arriving back at the house to pick up Hunter - a date she was CLEARLY looking forward to - and zoom in on Craig drinking straight from a bottle and swaying in the background, mid day. Thinking we were the only ones to notice because we know him well - it was great to hear my coworkers this morning ask if my friend was wasted.
Hunter and Ali had an incredibly awkward date, something about being a stay-at-home Dad and loving your job more than your social life, so I'll spare another recap. Said from the couch: "Aw I like Hunter, I kind of wish he looked like Chris L. though." So it wasn't a shock to anyone but Hunter that this would be his last night. He asked if there was anything more he could have done and my heart broke. Yes, Hunter, you should have brought your ukulele. Needless to say the date ends and Hunter heads home. No rose.
Rose Ceremony
Seems Ali's already made up her mind about who's going home when we walk into the night's rose ceremony. Her dress was AMAZING, but not nearly as amazing as Jesse's Canadian tuxedo. Some more time with Chris L. and we start to see how much I, I mean Ali has in common - steamers, clams, lobsters (um, me too!!) and champion flip cup (match. made. in. heaven.). Frank is starting to crack under the pressure that he was the first - but not the last. Ali steals away with Roberto and is 'shocked' that he didn't know Rated R. had skipped over to her house this am. This was not mandated by the ABC staff. She really didn't know, Rozlyn's honor.
While Roberto skips back to tell the boys about another reason why Rated R. is not here for the right reasons, Steve takes the initiative to set up a not romantic at all blanket for some time with Ali. He was certain she was attracted to the fact that he couldn't open the champagne bottle. I was certain if that's an indication of anything else, he's going home ...
And with that, the Roses Go To:
- Roberto (Date Rose)
- Kirk (Date Rose)
- Chris L.
- Jesse
- Chris N., prove me wrong here please
- Ty
- Kasey
- Manamana.
- Craig, B.S. Detector
- Frank
- Weatherman
- Rated R.
I'm excited for next week's episode when we get to see a performance by Joshua Radin, the boys on Broadway, and apparently Kasey's rendition of "It's Not Easy Being Green." Until then, leave comments, questions, thoughts or "Said from the Couch" outbursts below.
-HMOH
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