27 Tuxedos Discovers: a wedding video can be a blockbuster

Join our new addition "27 Tuxedos" as he uncovers aspects of weddings that are surprisingly entertaining and exciting ...

As I continue to blaze upon the path to “27 Tuxedos” I figured it would be a good idea to share with you some of the discoveries that surface along the never-ending journey that is my wedding world tour.  The first of these will be somewhat surprising to most of you.  I learned (gasp), that a wedding video can be awesome.  Yes, you heard that right.  A six-plus hour video of drunken, uncoordinated morons dancing and making fools of themselves served as not just passable entertainment, but was actually the best thing I’ve watched on any screen all summer. 

                                                                                                           

My best friend just got married three weekends ago, where I served as Best Man.  I returned home to my apartment last weekend to find my roommate watching the hot off the presses DVD of said wedding.  To clarify, my roommate is:

a) a female

b) the sister of groom (my previous roommate)
c) a best friend

To make the situation even more incestuous, we live in the same NYC apartment building as her brother and his now wife, on the same floor.  We are at opposite direct ends of the hallway -so if we open our doors simultaneously, we are literally staring at each other.  The kicker is that my best friend’s wife (sister-in-law of my roommate) also helped her best friend get an apartment on the same floor of our building, literally the apartment next door to me.  So to recap: you have Bride, Groom, Best Man, Groom’s Sister/Bridesmaid and Maid of Honor all living within fifty feet of one another.  Take that Joey, Monica, Rachel and Chandler. 

Back to the wedding video.  Now, I normally would have no interest in watching one of these, mostly because one would assume they are unbelievably boring.  I mean I’m sure there are a few gems, but to voluntarily sit through (again) hours of creepy relatives, people babbling into the microphone, bad dancing, etc. sounds quite painful.  In this instance, however, I stopped to watch the video with my roommate because I remembered enough from the evening to know that there was going to be some comedy gold captured on the DVD.  I also figured it would be a cathartic act of self validation.  First by serving as proof that I was the best male dancer at the wedding, second to relive the magic of the phenomenal wedding band (which I brilliantly recommended to the couple), and lastly to remember just how amazing my 8+ minute opus of a speech was.  FYI, both the speech and the crowd reaction to it were better than I remembered, if I do say so myself. 

I figured I would just watch my speech and a few additional minutes of the video. I was instantly captivated by what was on the screen.  There was exceptional moment after exceptional moment, many of which hit new heights on the unintentional comedy meter.  It was like an episode of The Real World: Las Vegas, but with parents invited.  Several of the award-winning performances we discovered included:

• The groom’s sister (my roommate) jumping up and finger poking her brother/the groom's eye.  It was man down immediately - he had to remove himself from the dance floor to recover.  
• The groom’s mother being thrust into the air (after four failed attempts) by her best friend’s 22-year-old son, who happens to be more than twice her size.  It was like something out of a rehearsal outtake on Dancing with the Stars.
• The bride wiping out on the dance floor.  It was a classic moment of awkward, drunken white dancing with her more spastic groom.
• What was arguably the most impressive dance circle ever formed at a wedding, accompanied by the band’s rendition of Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean.”  I can’t even do justice to the five minutes worth of dance-offs, break dancing, Moon Walking, high leg kicks, etc.  If we posted it on YouTube I honestly believe the clip would reach a million hits within a week.
• The MVP-caliber performance of a kid who knew approximately eight people at the wedding, and hadn’t even seen the groom in like two years.  He managed to be at the center of nearly every major moment, including those that traditionally only involve immediate family and/or the Wedding Party. 
• My roommate, bridesmaid, sister-of-the-bride dominated on the comedy scale.  She spent the entire reception bouncing up and down with her arms flailing in the air like a drunken 80s aerobics instructor.  Amazingly, this move actually caught on and became so popular that she drafted minions throughout the night.  These impersonators followed her around doing the same exact bounce move like it was the Macarena of 2010. She also delivered a rambling, bizarre monologue into the camera that was like something out of a Christopher Guest movie.

Since I admittedly enjoy judging people, watching the video also provided a great outlet to weigh in on the performance of each wedding attendee.  I made a mental checklist of who stepped up their game, who barely got a passing grade, and who flunked the class.  I will be taking all of this into account when deciding the invitation final cut for my wedding circa 2023. 

I only made it through like 30 percent of the video (housed on 3 DVDs), but trust me this thing is legendary.  Sure, the entertainment value of a wedding video is dependent upon the amount of awesome present at reception.  If you're lucky to attend a wedding occasion (and play an important role) that moves like an unstoppable rebel force such as this one - I recommend you dedicate the next rainy Saturday on your couch with a bag of popcorn reliving your friends, family and loved ones making fools out of themselves. 

What better reality show could there be than your own?

- 27 Tuxedos