Here we go. This week I had a few glasses of wine to get through the episode. The editors don't waste any time setting up the week's hometown dates. Cue latin music and we know that Roberto's barrio is up first.
Hometown Date #1 - "If you're happy, propose her."
Roberto
Any excuse to get 'berto in a baseball uniform and I'm in. So of course he takes her to a place that is very important to him - the fields of his university. He presents Ali with a jersey (#19) that the ABC intern ironed her name onto (Dear Intern, your letters application is sloppy, just saying). Ali's proud to wear his jersey. I'm proud that Roberto wears my number. So when this is all over, just another thing the two of us have in common. I also would be game to carry my boyfriend's baseball card around in my wallet.
So we meet the fam with not-so-Spanish names. Peter and Olga. Como? What happened to Javier and Alejandro? Not until their cute accents shine through do I believe this isn't a "Blide Side" kind of couple that adopted a Latin boy so he could bring in a professional athlete's income.
Peter happens to ask some good questions and inform Ali that Roberto comes at a price. The whole time I just wondered how my Dad would handle a third degree of one of my brothers' potential mates. I think the conversation would be more like "Do you like Italian food?" "Try some of the chicken parm, come on, you'll like it."
In the end, Roberto gets Mami and Papi's blessing to "propose her" and then the family gets to dancing. I'm starting to feel sorry for these guys.
Hometown Date #2 - "Cape Cod with Chris"
Chris
I knew this one would get a little sentimental given what Chris has been through and his relationship with family. Luckily Ali's continuous giggling helped to break the somber mood (and my wine buzz). The two continue a cute little stroll down the beach and I'm sensing more awkwardness between them than the mating whales. Not to mention, Ali throws like a girl.
Chris is smitten; heartbreak written all over it. He assured Ali he wouldn't bring someone home unless he knew it was right. Then I got all choked up at how badly he wants to find someone to love. I had received a text earlier in the night - and I'm guessing it was at this exact moment. BTFLN: "Please explain to me how the Bachelorette has me tearing up tonight. Gotta be hormones, right?"
I'm trying to get Chris' dad, Ed, to be the next Bachelor. Who's with me? And I thought Chris was cute. The man is adorable and knows a thing or two about true love. He had my heart when he accused Ali of stealing his roommate. Regardless, Ali seems to enjoy a day with the family, and I continue to be burdened by the fact that Ali is wearing the bracelet Chris gave her. Love is reality, unfortunately, Ali is reality TV.
The two make it up to the tower, the last thing Chris wants to show her, where they exchange another awkward, and if you ask me, uncomfortable kiss (gag: "Damn, you're cute."). You'd think this would become more natural looking for the millions of viewers, but I don't think they're there yet.
Secretly Ali probably takes off the bracelet and gets into the car to head to good ol' Cheese-town, WI.
Hometown Date #3: "Holy Cow, We're in Wisconsin!"
Kirk
Ali [in baby voice]: Kirrrkkkyyyyyy
HMOH: Gross.
Ali asks Kirk who she's meeting today - and Kirk informs her she'll be meeting both sets of parents. He's a little nervous to see how they get along. Maybe because we find out his dad has a petting zoo in his basement where nothing moves. Oh dear stuffed lordy. I already put money on Kirk going home. Additionally, [JUDGING ALERT] Kirk's stepmom is a man. I say this because the baritone voice, Adam's apple and acceptance of an elk's foot with eyeballs in her basement couldn't possibly be the workings of a lady.
After surviving the Museum of Taxidermy, Ali meets Kirk's mom. I was convinced she was a MILF when she got up to open the door. When she turned around, I gasped a little. Blame it on the wine. After my initial shock and a swig of water, we learn the story behind the Live Strong bracelet and Kirk admits that he's fallen for Ali.
After the two-for-one date, Ali pops into the car, ready to shower off the fur from the wall ornaments and meet up with Frank for the last of her hometown visits.
Hometown Date #4 - "Let me be Frank, I'm not that into you"
Frank
Producers coordinate one of those "stroll and smile to yourself" scenes while Ali waits to run into Frank's arms. The two take a romantic ride down the Chicago River. And now, after three other dates, Ali mentions she's nervous that she might be meeting her in-laws. Girl, welcome to the season.
Frank spends a bunch of time questioning the relationship. Maybe because he's looking for a way to break up with her and needs to make it to Tahiti for 1) a free trip and 2) the most dramatic break-up in Bachelorette history. Seems Frank makes Ali very insecure - an initial red flag. Regardless all her bold proclamations of being sure about the two of them, plus the whispering sweet nothings into Frank's ear ... I'm sold that this is foreshadowing things going sour.
Net-net, Frank's family seems like a nice bunch, and his V-neck is the deepest neck I've seen in a while. After the date, Ali heads off to make a decision, comforted by the insecurity of this relationship.
Rose Ceremony
I was happy to see C Harrison. He does his thing, asking Ali if she sees her husband among these men. Awkward silence. He walks out to address the group and sets up the ceremony. One of them is going home even though they all made an impression on Ali. Quick and painless.
Roses Go To:
- Roberto
- Chris
- Frank
I have to say, Kirk goes out a complete gentleman. He keeps it together with a dignified look, and I'm certain he'll find someone back home in Green Bay to take good care of him.
Next week the crew is off to romantic Tahiti, so cheers to that! Seems there are more helicopters and heights, how unpredictable. And more importantly, Frank has me intrigued about what him and Ali need to talk about ...
Almost there!
-HMOH
HAHAHAHAHA I'm dying at this recap. Jay came home during Ali's date with Frank and asked, "does she know he's not straight? I mean, look at depth of that v-neck."
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