Anyways, C Harr shows up in lovely Lisbon, Portugal to tell the gang of top 5 that there will be four dates, no roses. The pressure is on to stay in the game. Ali could come home and meet the bachelors' families. It's a shame that last week's promo told us everything we can expect for the rest of the season, and little spoilers on weekly gossip mags I frequent at the beach have told all as well. Regardless, the first one-on-one goes to mi favorito - Roberto.
One-on-One #1: King of the Castle, King of the Castle (to the tune of Borat)
Roberto
Ali is whining from the get-go, which makes my eyelids heavy and my drive to stay up for this lessen. ABC producers are clearly at a loss for fun dates, since this one consisted of taking jumping photos. Roberto is good at salsa dancing and baseball, but not capturing Ali mid-jump. Dump him (I kid). Lucky for him they gather on the streets near a live band. When Roberto hears music, he can't help but dance. So they dance, making the date less than stimulating. At the very least made me wish I was reliving the glory days of my time spent studying abroad in Sevilla, Spain.
When they decided to take sitting down photos, Ali was extremely articulate with her feelings for Roberto ... "I feel like [LONG PAUSE]. I don't know [PAUSE]. Hmmm ..." Roberto is tri-lingual, but I'm pretty sure he no comprende 'Um'.
Two-on-One #1 - Ali gets Weird
Frank, Ty
Well I'm thinking this is helicopter #7 for the season, you know, the season where the Bachelorette is afraid of heights. Her shrink probably signed her up for the show to help overcome her fear of heights, since making a true love connection (and hypnosis) seems a lost cause. I lost interest .5 seconds into the shared date. Ali, poor baby, is in a hard place having to concentrate on two men at once. She orders the set crew to bring them wine to help them get through the next scene. She lays a "it's not you, it's me" line on Frank and Ty.
Fed up with having the two look at her funny, Ali pulls Ty aside to talk about what his mother will say when she finds out Ali works. SIDENOTE: Didn't Ali leave her job for this? I'm not sure she can technically say that being a reality TV star puts her on the corporate ladder, but I digress. Ty assures her that he "thinks it's awesome" that she has ambition. Aww, Southern Charm at it's finest.
Ty: "I'm happy you are passionate about things. In fact, it tickles me to death that you do what you want to do"
HMOH: [Threw up in mouth] Tickles me to death? Seriously?
Still it gets better when 31-year-old Frank admits to Ali that he still lives at home with his parents. If I'm going to be honest here, one of my best friends had a 30-something ex-boyfriend that lived at home with his parents ... ex boyfriend. They probably could do better than Jake and Vienna on a couch right now. Still, Frank is convinced that Ali doesn't care that his mom still tucks him in. He sees it in her eyes. I'm pretty sure that's just the vodka.
One-on-One #2: Once Upon Yet Another Castle
Kirk
I laughed through my tiredness at the fact that Ali and Kirk brought road sodas on their horse and buggy and spilled wine all over their laps on the way up to yet another castle. Don't get me wrong - they're beautiful and I wish I could have seen them myself, but enter whining Bachelorette and less-than-interesting date and it's a snoozefest. I spent most of this date applying my "Islamic Architecture in Andalusia" class from Study Abroad and quizzing myself on the Spanish names of some of the Islamic arches seen in the castles. And you think the date was boring?
The day was slightly redeemed when Kirk gave it to Ali straight and said he wants to know what she's feeling - one way or the other. She's feeling drunk and selfish, but tells him she's afraid she won't be enough. He assures her to not be scared, and the two head off to where the ABC Intern hired a Sophia Loren impersonator to serenade them.
One-on-One #3 - Love Gets Better With Age, and You're The Oldest One Here
Chris
Seriously, I apologize. No recollection of this one. Probably because it was at another castle and because Ali asked to hear about Chris' mom again. That sounds harsh, but honesty sometimes is. I did see Ali almost kill the two on the vespa. Chris laughed, so did I. Had I been on the date it would have been the first car wreck in Bachelorette history.
Chris had waited to give Ali a bracelet, and when he romantically does - she's less than impressed. If the bracelet had a vodka tonic in the locket or could salsa dance she may have smiled more.
Rose Ceremony
I was just proud of myself for making it to this point in the show. Ali is looking to be a "working girl" for the rest of her life, so the roses go to:
- Chris
- Frank
- Roberto
- Kirk
The four for hometown dates are confirmed. I'm going to hope that they get a little more interesting since the World Tour is over and we can make fun of our middle America families.
Jake and Vienna are back
If I didn't know what to expect I would have thought this particular interview was on NBC Dateline. C Harrison, when given the opportunity to do something "newsworthy", really takes his sh*t seriously. Seriously enough so that when Vienna started yabbing about how Jake made fun of her dog, C reminds her that we don't care. I was writing last night's post about weddings over a holiday weekend during this particular part of the show and missed a bunch of it. I did catch Jake abusively tell Vienna to shut up on numerous occasions and then to see Vienna storm off. I'll prob have to go back and watch this to make sure I didn't miss anything important [CHOKE] ... but I'm still so surprised these two didn't make it.
Sorry to be negative Nancy today, but that's what reality TV is like, right? So bad you can't look away? I'm excited the season is almost over. Who's with me?
-HMOH
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