SIDENOTE: surviving a tuxedo

Ever crave a 24-48 hour stomach bug to slim down fast?  No? Yea, no me neither ... that's weird.  

No, but seriously. 

It'd probably be a lot simpler than this BluePrint Cleanse I just started.  I'm actually quite pleased that I'm commited to it, but I am choking down these bad boys for the sake of refreshing and crossing another thing off my "30 before 30".  I'd be lying if I said that it's not also timed perfectly to my cousin's wedding and a dress I can zip up but not necessarily get down with my bad self in ... yet. 

So while I'm trying to fit comfortably into a dress, I also tried to survive a Tuxedo this past weekend (knee slap; so punny).  In another effort to refresh and kick off my favorite season, my hiking buddies and I took to our trails and had a seriously bad ass adventure.  Off to Tuxedo, NY ... where, fun fact of the day, the Black Tie fashion's name was bestowed.  We met first at Port Authority, also affectionately named, "Penn Station's drug addict cousin" ... and that's being nice. At an ungodly hour of 8:30 am I felt like I first needed a doctor's visit and some vaccinations to board the Short Line bus. We were dropped off 45 minutes away in Harriman State Park - idyllic, quiet, scary as shit.  A lady rolled up to us in her Hyundai and cautioned that there had been a lot of bears in the area.  She probably guessed we were hikers since we were, you know, in neon colors with no protective gear or overnight supplies.  We trailed a group of men with backpacks and those serious hiking sticks while I listened in on a quick tutorial of how to handle a bear encounter. Keeping an eye on our surroundings and sounds of the area, we reached the peak of a long stretch of an uphill climb.  The passerbys (friendly crew) said thank god we weren't a 72 year old, diabetic man. We laughed because that's weird and bears are scary.  But then they told us about this guy, who had shot his daughter-in-law before fleeing into the very woods we were hiking. The police called off their search that a.m., and suddently we weren't afraid of bears anymore. We would spend much of the day discussing our favorite Berenstain Bears books (and how you should like them on Facebook for twice weekly entertaining posts), and writing our own scary movie script in which we starred, someone broke an ankle, a bear attacked, a crazy murderer shot him and helped us to safety, and two of the four of us survived. The boys tried to throw some topless scenes in, but it wasn't time for joking.  Needless to say, we made it back safely in time for Bloomies Friends + Family and me to start starving myself.  Bad ass. I know.

I have to say, with a new age and new season I feel really happy.  A reenergized body, owning a wedding weekend in Kentucky and doing more things on that list (my days are numbered) is exactly what this girl needs. The stomach bug can wait until bikini season returns.  Haha, I'm kidding.  Yea, no I'm not.

-HMOH

falling slowly

As if last week couldn't have gotten any better, I'm starting to feel the fall chill that pairs perfectly with boots and a skirt.  I love everything about this season - especially in this city.  The JCrew catalog, the style, the last remaining days spent at Central Park, the excusions to the open air outside the concrete jungle, birthday celebrations, nuptial celebrations and a far more open planner.

I'm not ready to commit to switching over my closet, but I am ready to switch over my nail polish cabinet (you know, put the lighter and brighter colors to the back).  Time to fall slowly into a calmer pace and fully embrace my most wonderful time of the year.

-HMOH

it's your birthday baby

Talk about underachieving on this thing.  But I'll tell you what I am winning big at - my birthday.  BIG.  By 9:30 a.m. I'd received texts, calls and dined with some of the most important people in my life … with much more love to follow.

If I'm being honest with myself,I spent much of this work day basking in my Facebook wall blowing up and cleaning up my inbox with Facebook notifications.   In the business we call it "social security" or "social klout" - I call it proving how popular you are. 

On a humble note (which we know I'm not too good at), another year has come and gone.  I shed a few tears at my desk because I truly feel loved today.  To take a moment to realize what you do and who appreciates you for you is important.  From the calls, from the texts, from the unnecessary and beautiful bouquets sent to my desk (and the delivery man who dropped his bologna sandwich on my floor while delivering them).  All in all a celebration of a good year and a great one to come.  I'll never take for granted the blessings I have in my life (beyond a happening social media page) and so I'm taking a moment to write down a few HMOH sidenotes from the year.

• Family.  If you're lucky, they're still here a year later and still love you all the same.
• Best friends.  You don't need a million, but you need the right ones.  I have the one in a million kinds, and I couldn't be more thankful.
• Best friends make beautiful babies that will one day babysit your babies so you should be nice to them.  If you're extra nice maybe their moms will stay skinny for your bridesmaid dresses.
• Know what's best for you, what you'll stand for, what you'll stand up for, what you'll fall for.  And if you don't yet know, learn.
• Good things come to those who wait.  I thought this was a load of crap until I waited a really long time for the right job to come around. 
• Good things don't always come to those who wait - ahemmm diets.
• Setting goals - i.e., #30before30, helps keep you honest and bring you places you wouldn't have normally taken the time to be.  It also gives people good inspiration for birthday presents (sewing machine, check)
• Throughout the year, AstrologyZone is the perfect way to start off the first of your month - and the 15th to check in and see how you're doing - and the 20th to see if that money and boyfriend is coming soon - and the 30th to see that nothing really that Susan said happened.
• Your twenties are pretty awesome… and they're not over yet.  And if they are, I hear 30's not so bad. (I'm kidding, I hear it all goes downhill after 30)

Thank you to my parents for bringing me into this world and you're welcome for making you parents.  No sweat.  I'd do it again if I had to.

Onto the last year with a 2 in front of it - 365 days to still cross a bunch of things off and the last time I don't have an excuse for the why I drink so much, why I'm single or why I can't just shake those extra 5.  Next year I'm blaming it ALL on 30.

Thank you to everyone who made me feel loved and blessed today.  

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: Why? Thursday

I ask a lot of the same questions.  Like why do I always have an umbrella when it doesn't rain and then have to buy a $12 one from Duane Reade that's about to break because it's raining and I'm sans protection?  Or why do some people get to be happy? (what?) Or why does the Summer prompt no time for the gym with massive eating and drinking binges, plus bikinis.   Some things I guess I'll just never know.  But in the meantime, I drop a few rando Thursday sidenoted questions for ya.

• Why would it be the case that my wedding invitation to Jess and Paul's wedding got returned to sender when I live legit across the street from them? And why did I put the response card back in the mail to be funny?
• How awkward is it when a cashier says, "enjoy" and you say "you too"?  You're not about to share your tuna melt with her.
• Why does seltzer water explode like every. single. time. you open a new bottle? 
• and why must I continue to write back to chain emails from the morning after a Tuesday night out and say "XX you were missed, my opportunity to stop into the pizza place under my building, however, was not."
• And why did someone at Groupon think this subject title was appropriate?  Besides the fact that backpacks are inappropriate always - this just seems like a really great deal only for a horndog high school boy.

• Why do homeless people feel like they can tell you they hope you get hit by a taxi? I just hope you get a job and some money to eat or buy drugs. 
• Why do you continue to write senseless stuff on Facebook and why haven't I defriended you earlier?
• Why are there consistently stories/emails/texts from my single ladies that confirm men are just undeniably ridiculous beings.  Like when a friend traveling on business had a chance meeting at the airport, was bought a cup of coffee (even she had to turn down a cocktail at 7am) and asked to make plans for the upcoming week.  How come after that she got a text message saying, "it was really great to meet you. Too bad we didn't have more time!"  it was followed up with "Too bad we aren't on the same flight. I've never had sex on a plane and quite frankly I wanted to tell u to go in the bathroom and take ur pants down lol... Ur hot!"
• And why can't people get UR and U'RE right?  I mean use proper English people.
• And no, she did not go on the date with him. It bothered me that wasn't a question also.

Alright, that will be all. Hope you have a questionably great Thursday, email subject line or in-transit encounter.  And of course, feel free to share them below. 

-HMOH

HMOH tip #0725: a stately gift idea

A genuine surprise is pretty difficult to pull off nowadays.  I know brides who have packed a "bridal shower" bag so that whoever is slyly transporting them to their shower can take the dress they'd like to be photographed in in tow.  Not Lacey, she modestly didn't even think that a trip out to New Jersey on Sunday would have her local friends waiting and a special surprise of her Mom flying in from Kentucky.

I carefully tried not to blow it because I was too excited by the gift I had found and customized.  Careful not to make it look cooler on Instagram until after the shower - I couldn't wait to share this unique and great gift idea here.

The couple (my cousin) is getting married in Versailles, KY (pronounced VER-SAIL-Z  because this is the South and not France y'all) this coming Fall.  In family tradition, giving the couple any sharp items requires that you are "paid" so as not to give bad luck.  With the acceptance of knives, scissors, etc., the bride must pay the giftgiver a penny.  But that doesn't count for the board you cut on (at least I don't think).  I opted for this AHeirloom cutting board with a heart over their wedding location and the engraved date.  I clearly expect to be served cheese on it at some point.

1/AHeirloom State Shaped Cutting Boards

Be it a bridal shower, housewarming, hostess gift, or say ... for my birthday or something ... this is a great gift idea if I do say so myself.  And I do.

 -HMOH

Let's get real.  This city might be hands down the worst city in the world to PMS in. On my way home from the office yesterday I almost let the waterworks roll and nearly cut a bitch or two.  But it's also the greatest to meet a best friend around the corner for a candlelit dinner to take the edge off. Sitting under an AC leak (NBD) so that the manager offered to buy our bottle of champagne and then getting a champ upgrade because the one we ordered wasn't cold enough didn't hurt the sitch [or the hormones] either.

So while you can't beat the "heat" every few weeks, you can be thankful for your greatest friends, that tomorrow's a new day ... and well, champagne.

-HMOH

HMOH homemaid: shrimp + bok choy dumplings

I could spend another post commenting on the freak factors I saw on my walk to work this morning, but I'm going to keep it positive.  Like about food and how awesome I am.

A few weeks ago my friends and I had a lovely little evening at Haven's Kitchen, the coolest cooking school in NYC.  We rolled up our sleeves and learned the ins and outs of Asian dumpling making and then gathered around a table to enjoy the fruits - ok, pork shumai- of our labor (see more here).  When the teacher lit a stove on fire to cook them, I simply asked how one does that in an NYC kitchen. Everyone laughed because I'm funny, but no ... seriously. 

Inspired to take my skills and apply then to my 75 ft not square kitchen and not burn the place down, I made my own variation last evening.  A real NYC kitchen, where I had to remove my dish drying rack and place it in the living room floor so I had another few inches of counter space.  Using no set recipe and groceries I picked up at a Korean grocery store this weekend, I winged it hard core.

Behold ...

STEAMED SHRIMP + BOK CHOY DUMPLINGS

You'll need: Prepared dumpling wrappers (buy at a specialty store), scallions (2 stalks), water chestnuts (half a can), baby bok choy (three heads), ginger root, uncooked shrimp (8 pieces).

how-to:  I finely chopped the ingredients I thought would go well together and placed them in a bowl.

Next, I sauteed them on my small ass gas stove so that the shrimp was cooked and the bok choy wilted.  I poured in a little (ok, prob a lot) soy sauce to give it flavor.

After the contents were cooked, I put them back into the bowl and drained the excess water... checked in on The Bachelorette Men Tell All, yep ... still stupid ... and got ready to roll.

Dumpling making is quite the craft and you need to be awesome at it.  I did much better in my class than in the comforts of my own home.  First, you dip your finger in water and wet the edges - sounds dirty right?  Take the left hand corner (right if you're a lefty) and fold in so the contents will stay.  Next you place your dumpling middle into the center and start to fold, press, fold, press.

Voila!  Dumplings ... ok, dumplings on crack.  Next I put them in my handy, dandy steamer (who needs a real kitchen when you have one of these bad boys, and cooked for about 15-20 minutes.  My bad, I lost track as I watched Chris cry AGAIN on the TV. 

Soy sauce drizzled and served with a side of seaweed salad (store bought, I'm not that awesome), I kicked back with my TV dinner stand, realized there was still another hour to go with Emily, and enjoyed.

-HMOH