SIDENOTE: struggling to get back

Well hello there. 

It sure has been a while, hasn't it?  For that, I apologize.  I equate it to the same way I'll read three novels back to back and then not pick another one up for a while.  No excuses - especially because since my last post about "Surviving a Tuxedo," I've survived a hurricane and week without power or water (which meant binge eating, binge drinking, a 48-hour Game of Thrones marathon, loss of my favorite sunglasses at "The Honky Tonk Tavern" (why?), couch-surfing and a pulled neck muscle.)  My struggles don't compare to those who actually lost so much during Sandy ... so from here on out I will clarify that by my struggles, I mean my not really problems.  I have a home to go home to, a family safe and sound, a job/office to report to - plus, the experience helped me finally clean out my fridge and freezer.

With that said, I lay some long delayed HMOH sidenotes on you without fear of judgement.  I'm a selfless, entitled person and so I will own these rants below:

• You want to talk about daily struggles? It's called trying to get egg shells out of the egg whites bowl.  It's like one of those IQ tests they give in hopes you'll score high on the idiot scale. Chickens all over the world just laughing at us.  Just trying to get your finger right on the spot where the shell lies and then stealthily maneuver it to the side the bowl is harder than most things I encounter on a day-to-day basis. 
• My friend just returned from Jordan - an "Indiana Jones"-type adventure that seems like such an amazing trip.  After eating a part of a goat or boar or something that should not be used in a sentence with the word "eat," he unfortunately got sick ... and lost 10 lbs.  I wanted to feel so bad while reading about his misfortune, but I also wanted to know if they sell Jordanian (struggled here too - really wanted to go with Jordanese) goat here in New York.  I'm due for 10lbs before the holidays.
• I was a superhero this morning - bringing a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich to someone in need.  The smell of the eggs made this someone nauseous (he'd later vomit in a cab) and so he not-so-graciously declined my adorable gesture.  I offered to take it with me and pass it off to a homeless person.  I didn't pass any homeless people.  So I ate it.  Sober.  #therearestarvingchildreninthisworld






Sidenote to sidenote: If this wasn't $250 and a blatant advertisement for my early 20s, I would so add it to my Christmas list.. Well done, Kate Spade intern. 


• It's been a long-time goal of mine to give back via a mentoring program and I've graciously been accepted and matched to an awesome girl this year.  I'm so excited to serve as a mentor and encourage anyone in the NYC area to look into joining this organization.  We're working together on goals and making sure she gets into college.  I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that, once again, I'm not going to Harvard or getting wait-listed early admission from Cornell.  I will not run away from home this time.  At least I don't think so.

I AM running away to home for Thanksgiving with family and friends and can't believe how quickly the year has come and gone.  It's this time of year that makes me fall back in love with NYC and look for extra ways to give to those with actual struggles.  A week without power in order to have the whole city grid lit up in the holiday spirit will be worth it.

'Til the next time - where I'll switch my entitled problems over to what I seriously am most thankful for this year ...

-HMOH

p.s. In all seriousness, (and because my friend Lauren is amazing and makes me feel bad that my blog is not dedicated to the better good of strangers), there are many ways to do good and get involved in Hurricane Sandy relief. I hope you, my readers, have or will do something for those most affected.

SIDENOTE: Why? Thursday

I ask a lot of the same questions.  Like why do I always have an umbrella when it doesn't rain and then have to buy a $12 one from Duane Reade that's about to break because it's raining and I'm sans protection?  Or why do some people get to be happy? (what?) Or why does the Summer prompt no time for the gym with massive eating and drinking binges, plus bikinis.   Some things I guess I'll just never know.  But in the meantime, I drop a few rando Thursday sidenoted questions for ya.

• Why would it be the case that my wedding invitation to Jess and Paul's wedding got returned to sender when I live legit across the street from them? And why did I put the response card back in the mail to be funny?
• How awkward is it when a cashier says, "enjoy" and you say "you too"?  You're not about to share your tuna melt with her.
• Why does seltzer water explode like every. single. time. you open a new bottle? 
• and why must I continue to write back to chain emails from the morning after a Tuesday night out and say "XX you were missed, my opportunity to stop into the pizza place under my building, however, was not."
• And why did someone at Groupon think this subject title was appropriate?  Besides the fact that backpacks are inappropriate always - this just seems like a really great deal only for a horndog high school boy.

• Why do homeless people feel like they can tell you they hope you get hit by a taxi? I just hope you get a job and some money to eat or buy drugs. 
• Why do you continue to write senseless stuff on Facebook and why haven't I defriended you earlier?
• Why are there consistently stories/emails/texts from my single ladies that confirm men are just undeniably ridiculous beings.  Like when a friend traveling on business had a chance meeting at the airport, was bought a cup of coffee (even she had to turn down a cocktail at 7am) and asked to make plans for the upcoming week.  How come after that she got a text message saying, "it was really great to meet you. Too bad we didn't have more time!"  it was followed up with "Too bad we aren't on the same flight. I've never had sex on a plane and quite frankly I wanted to tell u to go in the bathroom and take ur pants down lol... Ur hot!"
• And why can't people get UR and U'RE right?  I mean use proper English people.
• And no, she did not go on the date with him. It bothered me that wasn't a question also.

Alright, that will be all. Hope you have a questionably great Thursday, email subject line or in-transit encounter.  And of course, feel free to share them below. 

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: a native new yorker walks to work

With a new gig comes a new commute to work.  But let's be serious, headed to work in NYC (and a select few others) is a public spectacle. Free entertainment.  Walking the streets and public transportation systems leave little to the imagination.  Previously I'd stroll the tree-lined streets of the West Village to get to my Hudson Street offices with a beautiful view of the city skyline.  I somehow showed up far more zen. Now it's back to Midtown America.  50 percent US employees, 50 percent strolling tourists.  Consider it an adrenaline rush and Rosetta Stone freebie. 

Despite not having had my am coffee yet, I always tune in to what's going on. So here are my city street sidenotes for ya ... inspired by three weeks on the job.

The subway ride is filled with a full on circus of people.  Those like the crazy yesterday morning who screamed a big ol F bomb as someone passed by her to get off the crowded car.  She then proceeded to rant to everyone left on the train with her about how tough her life is (if you saw what she looked like, you'd kind of see where she was coming from. being a dinosaur in a human's body is pretty tough.) and that she's a "f'ing native New Yorker."  Native stereotypes, gotta love them. She thinks she's got it rough, but on the days I feel fat or bloated, I'm nervous a gentleman is going to offer me his seat because he thinks I'm preggers. Hasn't happened yet, but that's more because chilvary is dead. #realproblems

There are the jewelers in the Diamond District who devour you on your walk down 47th.  Asking you to come see their selection.  Reminds me of what it probably was like for old school peddlers and street fairs, but I'm only nostalgic for a minute before I throw up in my mouth and speed up to make it to the subway quicker.  On the days they don't say anything, I clearly don't look cute in my outfit.

The kids on a rope (see left) spending a day at camp while mom and dad rush to their offices.  In college I saw this frequently on campus, but hell NYC kids are far better dressed and there's far more liability if one of them strays from the rope.

There are, of course, the bankers from Madison Avenue.  Less the marriage material I'd hoped they'd be and more those who carry obnoxious umbrellas that could fit a family of 5 or the full PGA tour.  Bigger the umbrella, bigger the d-bag.  Also - many a nantucket red, pink or yellow pants for those gentleman who work in marketing.  I'm totally into it, but that's because I'm into assholes.

An avid viewer of the Today Show, I also get to stroll pass 30 Rock each morning to a cheering crowd outside. Today I hurried out of my apartment when I saw Channing Tatum was going to be stopping by.  In last week's case, thousands of 14 year old girls who camped out for 3+ days to watch Bieber in the Summer Concert Series.  I wasn't at all mad that I accidentally walked down 48th to get to work hear him sing, but I also wasn't sure what kind of parent allows their tween to sleep like a homeless person for a front row seat. 

And while we're on the subject of homeless people - bringing your kid to your begging sesh is all the rage! You're not going to make it as a bum if you don't have your three-year-old at your side or a chubby little guy in your baby carrier.  And I'm not going to lie ... works like a charm.  Kind of like those Save The Children commercials, only the little kid is straight up next to you.  FACT:  When I lived for a semester in Sevilla, my roommate Natalie and I passed a woman each morning on our way to classes.  She sat on a blanket asking for money - sat, because she had no arms and no legs (yes, this is where the jokes come from).  I pondered literally every day how she got herself there each morning, and which of her family members was dropping her off and making the round to pick her up at night.  I dropped euros in her bin when I had them, and considered her part of my home there.  Fast forward eight years and I'm pretty sure her family picked her up and dropped her off on 5th Avenue.  Swear it. She's sitting outside my office.  That's a long piggyback ride to make an extra dollar! 

I love checking out the beautifully dressed women and making mental notes to try that look sometime. My office lobby is a fashion show and I have a front row seat to this season's best.  It's truly all in a day's work over here.  Hustling the streets and avenues to and from work.   Colorful, totally hostile, and yet, I'm not sure I would be able to walk in something less than the mayhem.  In fact, as I review my post and ramblings, I notice my bad language and cynicism ... much like the native New Yorker from the subway.  What?  I'm more eloquent and far better looking.

So, what are your fave NYC street sidenotes?  Want them in photos - follow HONY on Facebook for amazing captured moments and stories on the NYC streets.

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: let's go ahead and spring back into this

With the thought that starting Sunday I can get back, face first, into cheesy things ... I thought to strive for a good Friday (ya see what I did there?).  I mean, you know you've been away too long when your friends stop asking you where the next post is.  I'll lay down some long overdue sidenotes:

• Each year I manage to surprise myself by how little L-Bs I actually dropped giving up cheese for 40+ days, but I guess until I convince myself that french fries and bacon are made with cheese, it's not going to be so stellar of a tactic. #lentenfail
• A lot of my friends celebrating Passover this coming week are using the "no carbs" thing (see every religion can serve as thinspiration) to kick start the summer body season.  A friend invited me to "join them" so I could get involved, though without her permission my 18+ years growing up on Long Island definitely earned me this right. 
• Heard from my desk yesterday: "I mean ... I have to get in shape for tankini season."
• Sent to me with a note that said, "Is it weird that this made me think of you ... and me?" (and for the record, Jess, nope.)

*Hmmm writer dilemma here, slash train of thought.  Like how does one spell the clearly effective abbreviation for "the usual".  The  yoush?  So wrong but yet, so right.  I'm going with it.

Well I wish everyone, as yoush I wish you a Good Friday and a great rest of the weekend.  I'll leave you with some fine finds from the world. wide. web:


Total blogger crush.


If you've ever eaten Papa John's or went to Penn State, I say "um, no duh."


Words to live by ...

My polish color and the fresh weather have me itching to make these ...

I'm back at it for reals. Til the next time.

xoxo, 
HMOH

SIDENOTE: some things i heart

A great heart-themed potluck I attended this evening (which surprisingly did not make me want to gag at all) inspired me to share some things from the Web that I "like more than a friend."

So what do you have planned?  For a loved one, with loved ones, with best friends, with your DVR?  Do you heart Valentine's Day or does it give you heartburn?

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: kick off your year and weekend with these

• Does your family prepare seven fishes on Christmas Eve? Nah? Mine didn't even think about the said tradition before whipping up 9 - plus meat and veggies.  So what does an Italian dinner look like when your family is a bunch of overachievers and your cousin is a talented photographer? Exhibit A.

• Exhibit A is just one example of why I've resolved to part ways with the 2011 lbs.  Samesies? try these amazing(ly hilarious) tips for conquering the gym.  And is it just me, or has the gym has been ridiculously hot and seriously smelly this week?  Way too many people living the dream and thinking this year is their year on the elliptical. 

• If you're having trouble making New Year's promises, or keeping the ones you set out with ... check out these resolutions for 20-somethings.

• And because for years running CareerCast reminds me that I put my life at risk by going to work each day.  PR executive makes the list of 2012's most stressful jobs - including firefighter, police officer, and military general.  I have no badge, no gun ... but I am pretty bad ass.

• If you're a girl, a black girl, a white girl ... or a single girl. 

• Sure the little three-person Mexican band, beat boys and God-preaching weirdos on the subway make for an awkward ride when you try not to make eye contact with them.  But who's going to turn down a rando, impromptu ukelele and bongo sesh?

• And .. because I dare you not to laugh.

TGIF,
HMOH

HMOH: best of 2011

What's best about keeping a running blog of moments in time is the ability to look back on what you were doing a year ago.  The lessons you learned, the highlights, the low points, the people who stuck it out alongside you and made the journey what it was supposed to be.  A year older, definitely a year wiser. To be fair, I worry most not about what the next year will bring, but how many sheets of my daily to-do list I'll have to get through before I get the "month/date/12" right.  


So, have you accomplished all you set out to do (I mean, I know … that 5 lbs stuck out the year with me too)? Have you said the things you wanted to say or become the person you want to be?  Written that book you swear you're meant to?  


In preparation for letting the past year pass and embracing the next (it's going to be a good one, for real) … here are some wise words people have told me, or quite frankly I make up.  Regardless, this is the best of what 2011 has left me with.

• The powers that be will never toss you more than you can handle.  You'll learn that you can take on way more than you thought you could. #factoflife
• It could always be worse … but let's be serious, it could always be better.
• Even if you have to spend your weekends at wedding activities, you're spending them with your best friends.
• Natural disasters - hurricanes, earthquakes, college scandals, maids of honor - they can shake your core and worry you, but with those you love by your side … they become just another experience (and if you know me, a blog post).
• Despite your best efforts at bachelorette parties, you may find yourself faced with outrageous strippers, bride-to-be's ex boyfriends and high school acquaintances.
• Sometimes you just have to sit back and be grateful for what you have - and don't have - anymore.
• Just because they moved on does not mean they won.  It means someone else gets to deal with their bullshit.
• Double chins may come and go, but best friends - whether near or far - are forever.
• Let work teach you new things, open your eyes to new experiences and cultures, and fulfill you.  Don't let it consume you.
• New York City is New York City.  To those who live here, that can lose it's luster. But just exploring opportunities to be elsewhere can make you realize you couldn't be anywhere else.  

• Um, the demise of marriages and productivity everywhere? Simply put … Pintrest. 
• You are never too old to rally, head back to college, survive on little to no sleep, believe you're really 25 again, and "beast".   
• But seriously, you're like pushing 30. It's ok to stay in, watch a movie or catch up on your trashy reality TV-filled DVR.
• Stop complaining about Facebook changes.  They will inevitably happen, you will adapt, and you'll eventually forget what the "good ol days" used to be before your life was a timeline.
• The search for that watch that always shows when the time is right continues ...
• Eventually your MOH duties transition into "Aunt of Honor" duties as your best friends learn they're expecting.  2012 is going to bring some changes (read: baby showers, HMOH projects, and diapers), new additions - and the next little love of my life.

So with that and lots of HMOH love … I say a year later, cheers to 2011, here's to 2012.


-HMOH


And in keeping with tradition, 2011 HMOH totals:

• Wedding Invitations Received: 9
• Weddings Attended: 7
• Bridesmaid Dresses Purchased: 2
• Engagements Celebrated: 5
• Save-the-dates Received: 5
• 2012 Weddings, To Date: 4

SIDENOTE: a holiday before the holiday

And so I'm back.  A holiday before the holiday if you will.  Mental fatigue from work and the season has kept me away, not to mention priorities of drinking wine, eating my face off and making the best of what's left of 2011.  Finished up the wedding season finally this past Saturday - with a solid 4 month hiatus before any further bridal/wedding obligations hit the calendar.  (Seriously, I just high-fived myself)


Now I know good ol Nick is making his rounds and checking that list twice.  But perhaps some sidenotes you can check out too:


For starters the freak boy who cut in front of me on the subway platform with sandals on and toes that looked way too much like fingers, did not start my day off on the right foot.  Yea, I know. Funny. Stop.  But what did kind of turn my frown upside down was the man that shoved the woman getting off the subway and that same woman who then ran across traffic, took a photo of said man with her iPhone and told him she was going to find him. I laughed mainly because, no ma'am. You won't.  There's not yet a Shazam for men who abuse you on public transportation.  If there was, girls my age would know about it and use it to track down cute guys who they swore stared at them the whole ride and like practically proposed with their eyes while getting off at the Christopher Street stop.


I'm excited it's starting to feel a lot like Christmas, which hasn't been as cool since I stopped cutting toys out of the Toys R Us Big Book and gluing them to a collage for SC to buy me everything. Everything. Santa sure knows how to win over a girl.  But on that note and in the holiday spirit I stumbled upon this little gem of a note.  I'm pretty sure I probably have written something like this.  In better handwriting.  With 100% of the words spelled correctly (just saying). I was smarter than little Claire, yet totally get where she's coming from - the hole puncher shows she's practical and organized and a Virgo.  And clearly her brother shouldn't be rewarded for messy handwriting.  You see something, you say something ... and this needed to be brought to Santa's attention.

Additionally, I was excited to receive a holiday pickle over the weekend (yea, you read that correctly).  Offended that I was just learning about this in my old age, I relished in my secret santa gift of a pickle ornament.  German tradition dictates that it's to be hidden in the tree for the "kids" to find and receive an extra gift.  We didn't do this as a child - probably because the rentals tried to keep things more kid-friendly on our tree.  We didn't hide meatballs or dried sausages - I don't think that's true Italian tradition. Because I'd be just as excited to find a real pickle under the tree, I'll be sure to start this tradition moving forward and hope it doesn't lead to any awkward birds + bees talks.


And so ... this is what my tired brain has allowed me to lay down here.  Perhaps some much needed time off and rest/relaxation (read: more food, drinks and socializing) will get me back into the swing of things.  


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: a psu identity crisis

I don't use this blog to talk about dating or politics.  Admittedly I have a lot of things to say about dating and sometimes wish I could shame people on here, I refrain because I have a job and morals. Despite probably having an opinion about everything, I don't talk politics because I don't feel passionately about it - good or bad - and so I don't offer up my take. I do though, like to share or boast about things close to my heart and things that make me, well, me.  


Much of what has become of me and what has shaped me into the woman and professional that I am is where I went to college.  I met my best friends there, my "sisters", and my future bridesmaids. It made the big world smaller, so much so that my first client straight out of college happened to be my PSU sorority sister from pledge classes earlier. We didn't spend the same time on campus together - but we had a connection. I have incredible memories.  I got a good education. A great education.  I got schooled in the classroom and outside the main campus.  I learned how to be on my own, to get along with way too many girls, to take responsibility for my actions and what I wanted to be.  


I learned about football.  Not only the rules, but what it means to belong to something beyond just the sport.  What it means when an entire state and beyond piles into a town with the common love, passion and obsession for a dynasty.  With a ruler who dedicated his life and savings to the school - and who just greeted a crowd of students outside his home to tell them that no matter what happens, he's proud of them.  But it was beyond football, as I'm not sure how much I'd love the sport if I wasn't a part of the Lion Pride.  It was about the institution.  What it means to wear those colors and be on that campus, even after you graduated years and years ago. Beyond the coach and the players.  More so about the people in the stands, the ones who came before them.  About standing next to your friends - even during some of the most losing seasons - and taking a look around.  This is what college is made of.  This is what the hundreds of thousands of PSU alums take with them when they leave.  This and an education, a head on their shoulders to take on the world.  A world where there are tons of others like them who understand.  It's why bars in NYC are packed every Saturday with people of all ages.  Why even on a weekend trip to Boston you can find the spot to meet your fellow alum and cheer on a surprisingly decent freshman team.  Why you shout randomly at the person on the street wearing a PSU hat (who clearly did not go there) or shadily want to high five the stranger at the gym wearing the Lion logo.  Why you feel bad for people who couldn't possibly know what you're talking about - what's it like to have gone, and belong, to Penn State. Why my coworker and I share a Nittany Lion head print out between our two desks.  Why I have to reserve at least one vacation day for a trip back to Happy Valley.  Brainwashed to bleed blue and white, but proud of it all the same.  


That's why I can't look away from the coverage, the tweets, the Facebook status posts about what is now shaming my alma mater. And rightfully so.  My heart goes out to those victims and their families.  For no one should have their innocence taken from them in such a horrible way.  That that person who caused such harm was a member of the Lion Pride is shameful ... and if you asked all of the students and alumni, they would agree.  I feel like my reputation has been stripped too.  That I might have gotten to see JoePa gracefully step down from a reign like none other.  That I'd cry tears of sadness and joy for he had gone out on top.  Even if he goes down in his old fashion ways with a fight ... that will not be the case.  I find myself reaching out to college friends to see that they're just as confused and upset as I am.  Am I allowed to let it affect me in this way?


Graduating from a top communications school and working in PR gives me license to also be ashamed of the crisis management and PR working for the school.  That the latest posts on Twitter and Facebook are highlighting football and our women's soccer team (and again, rightfully so), but not acknowledging public sentiment or providing real-time updates on the progression of this scandal.  Penn State is one of the biggest brands in this country and yet officials are burying their heads.  It's the alumni - Matt Millen, Adam Tallifero, my friends.  Those who are offering their support to the families, to JoePa and to fellow students/graduates who don't know what to make of this spectacle.  I'm seeing what I always knew PSU is really all about - the people.  Those who not only rally around a football empire, but around cause.  Helping kids with cancer.  Finding justice for an unthinkable act that took place on our campus.


I want so badly for PSU to beat Nebraska this Saturday, but I'm not sure why or what it changes. I've wanted it so badly leading up to this because my favorite college game as a student was against Nebraska.  The news around the campus that day in 2002 was that an NU hat had been stolen by fans and left with a ransom note.  That the Lions tweaked out an unexpected win.  That next day I woke up with no voice and black and blues all over from jumping up and down in the stadium.  These are the memories I hoped to hold on to.  I am so interested to see as many of my friends, fellow alumni, head back to campus on Saturday for the game and what they thought would be an awesome weekend.  They will have their boyfriends and husbands in tow, who have never been to their alma mater and never fully understood what they are so obsessed with.  Will they still be excited to show them the ropes?  I don't know - but I think a lot of Penn Staters, myself included, are going through an identity crisis right now. 


You get a lot of slack about it from others.  Your parents who aren't sure how their tuition dollars led to an obsessed child.  Professionals are sure you just haven't gotten over college yet ... and they're certain you're too old for it now. It's a strange phenomenon where your college becomes your identity.  Not only does it shape who you are, but it connects you to where you're going and to all those who went there with you.  It's not to take from the victims of this story, because their struggles are ones I could not dare to imagine.  But I can imagine that my fellow Nittany Lions are just as upset, shamed and confused as I, and yet, still proud to be a Penn Stater.  Because WE ARE is a lot of things to a lot of people, and I don't want to let this ruin or lose what PSU means to me.

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: TGIFU

On Tuesday I bid farewell to a coworker at the end of the work day with "Have a good weekend." Clearly confused, I set myself up for a ridiculously long week ahead...

This morning, while sleeping with the covers half off, I was awoken by three men swinging outside my window, drilling into the side of my building and shaking my studio apartment.  I'm certain these mo-fos were also staring into the slots of my blinds. This would set me off into a series of "I hate you so much right now" moments throughout my "TGIFU" Friday (you like that? just made it up. I know, right?).  So TGIF U to the woman who cut me off to get onto the train before letting the man off.  Or the smelly man in the Chase bank that caused a traffic jam.  

F yea to the fact that a certain network is filming a pilot in our office with some studly men and extras on Monday.  I have already created a starring role for myself alongside my coworker and added "be an extra  star in a show" to my 30 before 30 list.  


On the walk to lunch today a coworkerstar who wishes to remain on the DL until our publicist agrees to the media (oh hey, @renae_caugz) was distracted because she couldn't decide if she had just seen a man in a skirt ... or a woman with a goatee.


My eye doctor office called me to say I couldn't be late to my appointment or they wouldn't be able to see me (no pun intended).  Right.  So the punctual office that keeps me waiting 45 minutes in their lobby? Yea. TGIFU.


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: #factoflife

Hey. What's up?  Yep, still here.  Fact of life #1, I've been mentally writing a blog the past few weeks. But without much time to think or do anything for myself lately ... I'll lay this randomness on you.


A friend forwarded an email calling for single 25-30 year olds looking for love or marriage. And I quote, "The only requirements at this point are you must really be looking for love and marriage, be willing to share that with the world, and have a big personality."  When someone sent through a "cough. HMOH. cough," I sent through a response that I would likely date a guy for the whole season, have him tell me at the end when he's down on his knee that he's not really looking for a serious relationship ... and then leave with a blonde girl he's been secretly talking to the whole time.  I prefer such tragedy in the comfort of my own home.  #factoflife


Some additional HMOH recent finds, inspirations and sidenotes to get yourselves into ...


The perfect pick-up line, yes?:

Writing a bridesmaid speech for your oldest friend is hard work (almost as much as trying to fit into your dress after a summer full of eating and drinking).  Twenty three years in the making makes for a lot of material to get through.  I started the task on a bus ride to Boston and still need a solid few weeks to tweak and make PERFECT.  Same goes for the bridesmaid in the bridesmaid dress. #factoflife


Last evening I dined at SOHO's Cafe Noir. Fantastic. Got the octopus salad.  Went to order it with the waitress and saw it was called the "Octopussy Salad".  Come on now. 


Book I'm Currently Reading:  Tina Fey's Bossy Pants. Amazeballs.  LOLFTPSLBS (Laugh out loud funny to the point of strangers on bus staring).  Also proof that girls are hilarious. Some of them. Specifically, Tina Fey and me. #fact. 


Shows I'm Currently Tuned Into:  Boardwalk Empire (nothing like a little Prohibition after a weekend of drinking), Pan Am (bad but good), Modern Family (sheer genius), Jersey Shore (reminder that my life is actually quite normal), Supergatory (accidental find, great find)


The Perfect Palette:  Whether you're planning an event or enamored with color-schemes like me, this fantastic site creates the most perfect palettes (hence, the name) for your special day, event or even room.


For "unique, witty, distinctive paper goods with vintage flair" - check out Miss Pickle's Press - because anything with pickles has my vote.


Thank you pintrest for these ... and for being worst than crack.

A small reminder

to get carried away ...

And as I commit to an uber productive day, I'll leave you with this Wednesday fact of life ... "After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF."  Amen.


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: it's all about me this week

This my friends and readers, is the WEEK OF ME. It revolves around me (a change from my usually not at all modest ways). I will do great things. Things that do not involve other people's wedding events. I will bring it with my laundry, swap out the summer looks for the fall fashion and try not to cry when stepping on a scale. I will embrace this eye infection spurred by drinking a bottle of wine by myself and sleeping in contacts by rocking my awesome new hipster glasses.  I will also take a moment to sidenote it out ... 

• Last week while celebrating my bestie's board approval for her new digs, I was approached by a short little fellow (very nice) who began to chat it up.  As I sipped a vodka/soda with too much lime, he told me that it's refreshing to meet a girl who could hold a conversation. Awww.  He then proceeded to ask for my number.  As I thought up the ways to go all dyslexic on my digits, I spilled the area code.  He asked where on Long Island I was from and discovered he was from the town over.  He then put his phone away and said it was too close for comfort.  Like, what?  Can't I just give you my fake number and we call it a night?
• Over the weekend I had my first experience with a bachelorette party stripper. I shutter. Ordered him from USAHunk.com. His name was Sergio (if you forgot, it said so on his ass) and he made me and other guests uncomfortable for a solid half an hour.  Imagine cousin on cousin, an abused 20-year-old MOH and scared mother of one.  Good thing the tequila and 80s dance party helped to erase the scarring.
• What do you think the dream interpreter would say about last night's nightmare when I simply forgot I had a wedding to go to and spent the day watching TV instead?
• I find I don't get jealous of the little kiddies in college anymore.  Instead I get jealous of the once-were professionals who smartened up and went to get their higher, higher education.  A savings account, a dorm room and serious assignments.  Like this diagram from my former client who is pursuing a degree in awesome at the prestigious MIT ... and will clearly go on to do great things.

FB Announcement:  "This was our core team's decision tree for the  case ... and frankly, my decision tree on life."

• You know it's time to go home from the office when you've stopped doing any type of assignment and started Googling your own name.  I mean, at least that's what people have told me.

and so I'm headed home.  

-HMOH

this day. my birthday. has started just right.

i'll be spending today with BFF, walking the city.  i'll be counting all the birthday wishes on my FB wall and all my blessings for the people who care about me.  

It's going to be a great year …  it has no choice but to be.

thanks for the bday love.

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: thursday thoughts

I'm in the throes of wedding and HMOH season folks.  Bridal showers, weddings and bachelorette bashes have my calendar filled until the leaves turn color (and beyond). Engagements are still rolling in and adding to the 2012 calendar year (congrats to my pooh bear, Age).  And while I sadly watch the summer close out, starve myself for upcoming wedding photos next weekend, and get excited about the fall fashions lining all of my favorite stores ... here are a few sidenotes:

• Question. Why is it sooo easy to say no to the gym during the summer?  Like I haved full intentions of going tonight.  Except I need a rehearsal dinner dress (read: I do not need a rehearsal dinner dress. I have a shopping problem and far too many clothes).  So I need this dress and the only time I'll be able to go is tonight instead of this weekend when I'm around or any time next week.  I guess I have no choice but to not go to the gym ... and buy a dress. and this pillow.

• In our group de-stress at the office (which required me to put on gym pants, so essentially I went), I learned that the human head weighs 13 lbs, which means that without my head I'd be a size 0.
• Remember when you used to wake up in the morning worried about what kind of an intoxicated text you may have sent the night before?  Do you ever wake up now worried that while drunk stalking on Facebook you accidentally made the searched person's name your status?  Nope. Me either.
• I recognize that while I still have friends getting married every weekend, I'll have to transition soon from HMOH to BSOH (Babysitter of Honor).  It's what single, crazy aunts do - right?  But here's what I'm trying to understand. Why do people write shout-outs and messages to their babies on Facebook. The classic, "Love you angel!"  Your baby doesn't have a Facebook profile. Or read.  
• I'm really looking forward to Danielle and Jay's wedding next weekend in Greenwich, CT.  As a bridesmaid, I've obviously been paired up with the groom's sixteen year old brother. Who's a b-boy.  Who takes hip hop classes.  Who is worried that I won't be able to keep up with his dance moves. FALSE ... because have you seen these moves? Junior, we're going to choreograph something serious during the rehearsal dinner and break it down. 

And while we're at it ... some awesome inspiration boards that have made their way into my heart, and onto my computer desktop.

TGIalmostF


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: are you a maid?

With an office move downtown, I've been stripped of my office walls (back to cubeland) and so my coworkers will now have to partake in all things I tend to talk to myself about aloud.  Like this gem of an email I got this am:


Subject:  Are you a maid?


Hey there,
I'm reaching out to you because Thumbtack is getting a lot of job leads for maids, and I'm looking for another maid who is interested in taking on more clients.

After checking out your website I think you are a great fit for Thumbtack and I'd love to start sending you job leads. Please fill out a few details about your skills and rates, and I'll start forwarding you potential new clients.

If you have any questions about what Thumbtack can provide, please don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks,
Heather
--
Subject: RE: Are you a moron?


Oh hey there Heather,


Unfortunately, no, I'm not a maid. They didn't offer that major where I went to college to get my higher education. Instead I work in PR and write a blog about the millions of weddings I'm in or have to attend. You'd know that if you read down say ... four seconds ... or clicked on the "About handMAID of HONOR" tab.  MAID of HONOR, get it? Like in a wedding - not in a person's house with rubber gloves.  SIDENOTE:  I should say for my readers that I truly respect housekeepers and maids.  I just don't respect recruiters who have no idea what they're doing.  If I had done that to an editor, I'd hope she'd ridicule me on Glamour.com also.


Anyways, Heather, as requested, I'd love to share a few details about my skills and rates.

• I am a huge college football fan; Penn State. Doesn't necessarily get the windows spotless though.  Back in the day I could be paid with a red Solo cup, Smirnoff and cranberry juice.
• I can name a nailpolish color with the best of them.  Apologies, skill not suited in the laundry room.
• I often manage text conversations and witty remarks on behalf of myself and clients (read: friends). Standard text msg rates apply.
• You should see the handMAID, get it?, table cards, aprons, spoons and cork toppers I've created.  I'm still working out those rates.

No questions about Thumbtack, thanks.  Let me know if you have any questions about my blog title and if I can start referring you to clients also.

Thanks much,

HMOH

SIDENOTE: sh*t my dad texts

NOTE: Names (except for Mom and Dad), have been changed to protect the innocent. - HMOH

Text convo with Dad, 10:00 a.m. ET

"Good morning, HMOH (sidenote to sidenote: no, he doesn't really call me that. Like I said, I'm protecting the innocent.). How are you? Just dropped by to say hello and that I love you and wish you a great day! Also want to ask if you received a message from my banker friend [NAME].  He is a good looking kid. He is also a Virgo like you. Give him a shot, you will like him. Love you. Dad"

"Hi Dad. Doing well! How are you doing? Love you lots - and scared you're playing matchmaker."

"Don't be scared. I'm just thinking of you.  He is a good kid ... you might like him. Really good looking! ... [INSERT OTHER ADJECTIVES ... my Dad is clearly into him]. Answer his email. Say hello. You can be friends, ok!  Just want the best for you! LU" (that's 'Love You' in Dad).

Text convo with Mom, 2:45 p.m. ET

"Just saw [INSERT EX BOYFRIEND'S PARENTS]. They send their love."

"Great. Did you tell them I'm pretty, skinny and tan?"

"Absolutely!! They already knew.  Did you see the email I sent you with the Penn State ribbon I ordered? We Are!!"