SIDENOTE: Why? Thursday

I ask a lot of the same questions.  Like why do I always have an umbrella when it doesn't rain and then have to buy a $12 one from Duane Reade that's about to break because it's raining and I'm sans protection?  Or why do some people get to be happy? (what?) Or why does the Summer prompt no time for the gym with massive eating and drinking binges, plus bikinis.   Some things I guess I'll just never know.  But in the meantime, I drop a few rando Thursday sidenoted questions for ya.

• Why would it be the case that my wedding invitation to Jess and Paul's wedding got returned to sender when I live legit across the street from them? And why did I put the response card back in the mail to be funny?
• How awkward is it when a cashier says, "enjoy" and you say "you too"?  You're not about to share your tuna melt with her.
• Why does seltzer water explode like every. single. time. you open a new bottle? 
• and why must I continue to write back to chain emails from the morning after a Tuesday night out and say "XX you were missed, my opportunity to stop into the pizza place under my building, however, was not."
• And why did someone at Groupon think this subject title was appropriate?  Besides the fact that backpacks are inappropriate always - this just seems like a really great deal only for a horndog high school boy.

• Why do homeless people feel like they can tell you they hope you get hit by a taxi? I just hope you get a job and some money to eat or buy drugs. 
• Why do you continue to write senseless stuff on Facebook and why haven't I defriended you earlier?
• Why are there consistently stories/emails/texts from my single ladies that confirm men are just undeniably ridiculous beings.  Like when a friend traveling on business had a chance meeting at the airport, was bought a cup of coffee (even she had to turn down a cocktail at 7am) and asked to make plans for the upcoming week.  How come after that she got a text message saying, "it was really great to meet you. Too bad we didn't have more time!"  it was followed up with "Too bad we aren't on the same flight. I've never had sex on a plane and quite frankly I wanted to tell u to go in the bathroom and take ur pants down lol... Ur hot!"
• And why can't people get UR and U'RE right?  I mean use proper English people.
• And no, she did not go on the date with him. It bothered me that wasn't a question also.

Alright, that will be all. Hope you have a questionably great Thursday, email subject line or in-transit encounter.  And of course, feel free to share them below. 

-HMOH

HMOH tip #0725: a stately gift idea

A genuine surprise is pretty difficult to pull off nowadays.  I know brides who have packed a "bridal shower" bag so that whoever is slyly transporting them to their shower can take the dress they'd like to be photographed in in tow.  Not Lacey, she modestly didn't even think that a trip out to New Jersey on Sunday would have her local friends waiting and a special surprise of her Mom flying in from Kentucky.

I carefully tried not to blow it because I was too excited by the gift I had found and customized.  Careful not to make it look cooler on Instagram until after the shower - I couldn't wait to share this unique and great gift idea here.

The couple (my cousin) is getting married in Versailles, KY (pronounced VER-SAIL-Z  because this is the South and not France y'all) this coming Fall.  In family tradition, giving the couple any sharp items requires that you are "paid" so as not to give bad luck.  With the acceptance of knives, scissors, etc., the bride must pay the giftgiver a penny.  But that doesn't count for the board you cut on (at least I don't think).  I opted for this AHeirloom cutting board with a heart over their wedding location and the engraved date.  I clearly expect to be served cheese on it at some point.

1/AHeirloom State Shaped Cutting Boards

Be it a bridal shower, housewarming, hostess gift, or say ... for my birthday or something ... this is a great gift idea if I do say so myself.  And I do.

 -HMOH

Let's get real.  This city might be hands down the worst city in the world to PMS in. On my way home from the office yesterday I almost let the waterworks roll and nearly cut a bitch or two.  But it's also the greatest to meet a best friend around the corner for a candlelit dinner to take the edge off. Sitting under an AC leak (NBD) so that the manager offered to buy our bottle of champagne and then getting a champ upgrade because the one we ordered wasn't cold enough didn't hurt the sitch [or the hormones] either.

So while you can't beat the "heat" every few weeks, you can be thankful for your greatest friends, that tomorrow's a new day ... and well, champagne.

-HMOH

HMOH homemaid: shrimp + bok choy dumplings

I could spend another post commenting on the freak factors I saw on my walk to work this morning, but I'm going to keep it positive.  Like about food and how awesome I am.

A few weeks ago my friends and I had a lovely little evening at Haven's Kitchen, the coolest cooking school in NYC.  We rolled up our sleeves and learned the ins and outs of Asian dumpling making and then gathered around a table to enjoy the fruits - ok, pork shumai- of our labor (see more here).  When the teacher lit a stove on fire to cook them, I simply asked how one does that in an NYC kitchen. Everyone laughed because I'm funny, but no ... seriously. 

Inspired to take my skills and apply then to my 75 ft not square kitchen and not burn the place down, I made my own variation last evening.  A real NYC kitchen, where I had to remove my dish drying rack and place it in the living room floor so I had another few inches of counter space.  Using no set recipe and groceries I picked up at a Korean grocery store this weekend, I winged it hard core.

Behold ...

STEAMED SHRIMP + BOK CHOY DUMPLINGS

You'll need: Prepared dumpling wrappers (buy at a specialty store), scallions (2 stalks), water chestnuts (half a can), baby bok choy (three heads), ginger root, uncooked shrimp (8 pieces).

how-to:  I finely chopped the ingredients I thought would go well together and placed them in a bowl.

Next, I sauteed them on my small ass gas stove so that the shrimp was cooked and the bok choy wilted.  I poured in a little (ok, prob a lot) soy sauce to give it flavor.

After the contents were cooked, I put them back into the bowl and drained the excess water... checked in on The Bachelorette Men Tell All, yep ... still stupid ... and got ready to roll.

Dumpling making is quite the craft and you need to be awesome at it.  I did much better in my class than in the comforts of my own home.  First, you dip your finger in water and wet the edges - sounds dirty right?  Take the left hand corner (right if you're a lefty) and fold in so the contents will stay.  Next you place your dumpling middle into the center and start to fold, press, fold, press.

Voila!  Dumplings ... ok, dumplings on crack.  Next I put them in my handy, dandy steamer (who needs a real kitchen when you have one of these bad boys, and cooked for about 15-20 minutes.  My bad, I lost track as I watched Chris cry AGAIN on the TV. 

Soy sauce drizzled and served with a side of seaweed salad (store bought, I'm not that awesome), I kicked back with my TV dinner stand, realized there was still another hour to go with Emily, and enjoyed.

-HMOH





SIDENOTE: a native new yorker walks to work

With a new gig comes a new commute to work.  But let's be serious, headed to work in NYC (and a select few others) is a public spectacle. Free entertainment.  Walking the streets and public transportation systems leave little to the imagination.  Previously I'd stroll the tree-lined streets of the West Village to get to my Hudson Street offices with a beautiful view of the city skyline.  I somehow showed up far more zen. Now it's back to Midtown America.  50 percent US employees, 50 percent strolling tourists.  Consider it an adrenaline rush and Rosetta Stone freebie. 

Despite not having had my am coffee yet, I always tune in to what's going on. So here are my city street sidenotes for ya ... inspired by three weeks on the job.

The subway ride is filled with a full on circus of people.  Those like the crazy yesterday morning who screamed a big ol F bomb as someone passed by her to get off the crowded car.  She then proceeded to rant to everyone left on the train with her about how tough her life is (if you saw what she looked like, you'd kind of see where she was coming from. being a dinosaur in a human's body is pretty tough.) and that she's a "f'ing native New Yorker."  Native stereotypes, gotta love them. She thinks she's got it rough, but on the days I feel fat or bloated, I'm nervous a gentleman is going to offer me his seat because he thinks I'm preggers. Hasn't happened yet, but that's more because chilvary is dead. #realproblems

There are the jewelers in the Diamond District who devour you on your walk down 47th.  Asking you to come see their selection.  Reminds me of what it probably was like for old school peddlers and street fairs, but I'm only nostalgic for a minute before I throw up in my mouth and speed up to make it to the subway quicker.  On the days they don't say anything, I clearly don't look cute in my outfit.

The kids on a rope (see left) spending a day at camp while mom and dad rush to their offices.  In college I saw this frequently on campus, but hell NYC kids are far better dressed and there's far more liability if one of them strays from the rope.

There are, of course, the bankers from Madison Avenue.  Less the marriage material I'd hoped they'd be and more those who carry obnoxious umbrellas that could fit a family of 5 or the full PGA tour.  Bigger the umbrella, bigger the d-bag.  Also - many a nantucket red, pink or yellow pants for those gentleman who work in marketing.  I'm totally into it, but that's because I'm into assholes.

An avid viewer of the Today Show, I also get to stroll pass 30 Rock each morning to a cheering crowd outside. Today I hurried out of my apartment when I saw Channing Tatum was going to be stopping by.  In last week's case, thousands of 14 year old girls who camped out for 3+ days to watch Bieber in the Summer Concert Series.  I wasn't at all mad that I accidentally walked down 48th to get to work hear him sing, but I also wasn't sure what kind of parent allows their tween to sleep like a homeless person for a front row seat. 

And while we're on the subject of homeless people - bringing your kid to your begging sesh is all the rage! You're not going to make it as a bum if you don't have your three-year-old at your side or a chubby little guy in your baby carrier.  And I'm not going to lie ... works like a charm.  Kind of like those Save The Children commercials, only the little kid is straight up next to you.  FACT:  When I lived for a semester in Sevilla, my roommate Natalie and I passed a woman each morning on our way to classes.  She sat on a blanket asking for money - sat, because she had no arms and no legs (yes, this is where the jokes come from).  I pondered literally every day how she got herself there each morning, and which of her family members was dropping her off and making the round to pick her up at night.  I dropped euros in her bin when I had them, and considered her part of my home there.  Fast forward eight years and I'm pretty sure her family picked her up and dropped her off on 5th Avenue.  Swear it. She's sitting outside my office.  That's a long piggyback ride to make an extra dollar! 

I love checking out the beautifully dressed women and making mental notes to try that look sometime. My office lobby is a fashion show and I have a front row seat to this season's best.  It's truly all in a day's work over here.  Hustling the streets and avenues to and from work.   Colorful, totally hostile, and yet, I'm not sure I would be able to walk in something less than the mayhem.  In fact, as I review my post and ramblings, I notice my bad language and cynicism ... much like the native New Yorker from the subway.  What?  I'm more eloquent and far better looking.

So, what are your fave NYC street sidenotes?  Want them in photos - follow HONY on Facebook for amazing captured moments and stories on the NYC streets.

-HMOH

HMOH #30before30: trace your roots in ellis island

You hear it time and time again, prob cause it's true - you're the worst tourist in your own city.  I've never climbed the Statue of Liberty and I'd never made my way to explore the roots of immigration at Ellis Island.  Being a first generation American, I long thought that my parents were filthy poor and did jigs in the steerage of a boat on their way to America.  I pictured them showing up at the gates of Ellis Island, getting their head checked for fleas and their throats scraped for unknown reasons.  It was very Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic and dramatic, just the way I liked it.


Turns out Mom caught an American Airlines flight over (they served peanuts and beverages) and Dad + family took a luxury cruiseliner.  Part vacation, part let's migrate to our new land of opportunity.  Shattered my history lesson, but I was still excited to cross "visit Ellis Island" off my "30 before 30" list recently. 


In town for a weekend or a jaded New Yorker (if Mary Poppins come to mind here, you are a jaded New Yorker) look up the ferry schedule and see what those who came before you endured to set your roots here!

Visiting Ellis Island
Book your reservations in advance so you can pop on the "Reserved" line with less of a wait.  Expect airport-like security and to be yelled at when you're talking on your phone (done).  Also expect that the security guy will creep on you and say he didn't want to have to restain you (done again).  Pack snacks ... it's what the immigrants would have wanted you to do.  And don't worry, they serve hotdogs on the boat.


 Take the ferry and enjoy the sites.  Lady Liberty is way more impressive up close than from the city skyline.  The ferry ticket allows you to stop both at the Statue (currently closed for renovations) and Ellis Island before heading back to the South Street Seaport.  Deck hands are creepy too.

Once you've arrived, opt for the audio tour (included in your day pass) and prepare to walk around and learn about the way it once was.  The tour takes you through your journey as if you too were just arriving in America - and about an hour.

At the end of your journey you arrive at the spot where families were reunited and loved ones claimed their passengers.  You're also greated by the line to pay to access your family history from the extensive database. I saved my research until I got to Ellis Island thinking it'd feel more authentic if I looked up my family members in the very spot they embarked on their new life in America. They'll charge you $12 to use their commuters, and $5 a photo to print ... OR you can access it for free by registering here. #touristtrap

Here's the passenger ship that my great grandfather came to Ellis Island on.  He made the voyage at just 23 to meet his uncle and see about a better life.  I bet he did a few jigs down in the steerage.  Had to.  Returning back to Sicily, he instead moved the family (my grandmother and my grandfather (then just a family friend)) to Tunisia.  My dad was born there ... and so our history begins.

Miss the ferry? No worries, it comes every 20 minutes and gives you time to take more tourist photos with your friends. 

And to top it off ...  Pearl Street is one of the oldest parts of New York City, located just by Battery Park where you'll be dropped off.  The little alley is lined with bars and restaurants, and my favorite part - outdoor wooden tables and benches.  In the mood for a raw bar, Ulysses Folk House offered us just what we wanted to cap off a great NYC day.  The four glasses of wine and chocolate covered strawberries that followed at Azra weren't too bad either.  Let's just say I did a jig home too.  Hey, my ancestors immigrated from Italy.  They wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

-HMOH

luck: a NYC marriage proposal (where do you find these guys?)

no, seriously.  where in NYC do you find guys like this?  Judging by the video you have to start in Hoboken.  Well, good luck to this couple - you're off to a pretty great start, and thanks to TBB for the pass along.



-HMOH
LUCK - An NYC Marriage Proposal from Aria Melody DJ on Vimeo.