this day. my birthday. has started just right.

i'll be spending today with BFF, walking the city.  i'll be counting all the birthday wishes on my FB wall and all my blessings for the people who care about me.  

It's going to be a great year …  it has no choice but to be.

thanks for the bday love.

-HMOH

rollin with my psu homies, part 2

The trip to Tuscaloosa last year (and dear lord, it's been a year) was quite possibly one of the top 10 favorites of my life.  This year it's a rematch on all accounts when the Tide lands itself on Lion territory and the happiest place on earth. I'm not sure about the performance on the field... but I'm damn certain about the performance on the IM fields.  Those Southern folk are about to see how Yankees throw a tailgate. 


No flood warnings or closed roads are going to stop this stampede of Nittany Lion alums headed back.  Here's what I'm looking forward to...





Passing by the old sorority floor in Haller Hall and realizing I'm too scared to approach and find out just how not cool I am anymore. Or worse. Realizing my sorority isn't cool anymore.

Scanning my ID at Mad Mex on the first Friday up and witnessing the train wreck photo from the last time I was there pop up. That can't be good for anyone.  

Wondering where the cool kids hang now a days ... and if the stripper from my 21st birthday is still working the door.

9 a.m. tailgates. Sweet tea vodka. PSU vs. Bama flip cup.

Making these guys' jobs easy.

Old people pretending they still have what it takes.

Being all over late night pepperoni rolls from Gumby's.

This.

and this.

We ARE ...


-HMOH

when your maid of honor is a natural disaster

Yea, I prepared for the pending hurricane before heading to Connecticut for the weekend.  I refilled my Brita and a water bottle hoping it'd last me 72 hours. I moved my one piece of furniture away from the window (which meant next to my bed), had my Super put a towel next to my A/C to "avoid flooding," and prayed the power was working when I got back so I wouldn't have to climb to the 15th floor.


Be what it may, I didn't exactly feel panicked by the pending storm.  Can't say the same for the bride-to-be. Imagine this chick Irene was threatening to come to your wedding uninvited?  People found out she'd be rolling through and cancelled last minute.  And what if your maid of honor was a natural disaster … no, your real maid of honor.  Best friend from home. A disaster.  


I at least thought with the number of nuptials and bridesmaid duties behind me I'd have seen it all.  I never expected to find myself in a hotel room on a wedding's eve telling the bride that there are worst things in life than having a hurricane threaten to ruin your reception, cancel your honeymoon flights and leave expected guests stranded and forced into last minute cancellations. I, through her tears and rants and my serious prayers to the wedding and hurricane gods, explained that things could definitely be worse.  She wasn't buying it.


After insisting that the evacuation plan slipped under the hotel doors was bogus, I serenaded her with Bruno Mars' "Marry Me" and we started the day off with a smile.  No TVs - the news and weather reports of "the end of the world" didn't exist as far as we were concerned. She was going to marry her best friend and the love of her life.  No bitch Irene was about to ruin that. I mediated frantic calls from guests in NY … on the road from Baltimore … I got my hair half curled for an awesome $100 and prepared to look great in wedding photos. Everyone that could be was on their way, and Mother Nature wasn't about to stop this show.


Things could be worst we said.  If we got stranded, the bridesmaids were organizing a sick game of manhunt, and guests were packing board games and "emergency supplies" of Doritos and Cheez-Its should we be forced to live in the hotel for a few days. Secretly, it didn't seem like the worst thing, and despite the media frenzy, we were confident that Irene would come and go.  Apparently … so would the Maid of Honor. 


Now, I knew this MOH was bat shit crazy.  I could handle her nastygram emails with the best of them - nothing wine and a three-day response time to avoid saying things I'd regret wouldn't fix. I forgot the fact that she wasn't planning to give a speech at the wedding and I donned a smile with the bride's best interests in mind.  But when Husband of Maid of Honor (not to be confused with HMOH) came into the salon on the wedding morning like a raging bull, I knew this was about to go down.  This fool insisted that the wedding be cancelled or that the two of them were fleeing to safer grounds of the Upper East Side Manhattan (you know, the place that was currently being evacuated). With rollers in her hair, Maid of Crazy and hubby jumped in their car back home.  She skipped out on the photos, wedding ceremony and reception.  Rolled through town quicker than a category 3.  This I can safely say, was something I'd never seen before.  


I know what you're thinking.  What?  Seriously?  Correct.  Luckily, the bride and groom are loved by many and the wedding was absolutely amazing despite the shit storms. I woke up with licorice ropes in my bed (courtesy of the candy bar) and next to a room full of friends and charlie horses from dancing all night.  We were back at a NYC diner by noon ... and lying in bed with pizza and the horrendous MTV VMAs through the evening.


I'd say that if it's good luck when it rains on your wedding day, this marriage just won the lotto.  I'd also say if Irene wasn't a fat girl's name, it'd be in the running for their first daughter.  

Well, 4 weddings down, 3 more to go this year.  Here's wishing the newlyweds and weddings that survived this past weekend nothing but sunny skies moving forward.  And check out some great wedding photos here.  

-HMOH


HMOH tip #901:  People Not to Invite to Your Wedding

• Hurricane Irene
• Maid of Crazy
• Any cast member of the Jersey Shore
• Your exes
• Beyonce or any one who is about to announce she's pregnant by ripping open her tuxedo on your dance floor

SIDENOTE: thursday thoughts

I'm in the throes of wedding and HMOH season folks.  Bridal showers, weddings and bachelorette bashes have my calendar filled until the leaves turn color (and beyond). Engagements are still rolling in and adding to the 2012 calendar year (congrats to my pooh bear, Age).  And while I sadly watch the summer close out, starve myself for upcoming wedding photos next weekend, and get excited about the fall fashions lining all of my favorite stores ... here are a few sidenotes:

• Question. Why is it sooo easy to say no to the gym during the summer?  Like I haved full intentions of going tonight.  Except I need a rehearsal dinner dress (read: I do not need a rehearsal dinner dress. I have a shopping problem and far too many clothes).  So I need this dress and the only time I'll be able to go is tonight instead of this weekend when I'm around or any time next week.  I guess I have no choice but to not go to the gym ... and buy a dress. and this pillow.

• In our group de-stress at the office (which required me to put on gym pants, so essentially I went), I learned that the human head weighs 13 lbs, which means that without my head I'd be a size 0.
• Remember when you used to wake up in the morning worried about what kind of an intoxicated text you may have sent the night before?  Do you ever wake up now worried that while drunk stalking on Facebook you accidentally made the searched person's name your status?  Nope. Me either.
• I recognize that while I still have friends getting married every weekend, I'll have to transition soon from HMOH to BSOH (Babysitter of Honor).  It's what single, crazy aunts do - right?  But here's what I'm trying to understand. Why do people write shout-outs and messages to their babies on Facebook. The classic, "Love you angel!"  Your baby doesn't have a Facebook profile. Or read.  
• I'm really looking forward to Danielle and Jay's wedding next weekend in Greenwich, CT.  As a bridesmaid, I've obviously been paired up with the groom's sixteen year old brother. Who's a b-boy.  Who takes hip hop classes.  Who is worried that I won't be able to keep up with his dance moves. FALSE ... because have you seen these moves? Junior, we're going to choreograph something serious during the rehearsal dinner and break it down. 

And while we're at it ... some awesome inspiration boards that have made their way into my heart, and onto my computer desktop.

TGIalmostF


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: are you a maid?

With an office move downtown, I've been stripped of my office walls (back to cubeland) and so my coworkers will now have to partake in all things I tend to talk to myself about aloud.  Like this gem of an email I got this am:


Subject:  Are you a maid?


Hey there,
I'm reaching out to you because Thumbtack is getting a lot of job leads for maids, and I'm looking for another maid who is interested in taking on more clients.

After checking out your website I think you are a great fit for Thumbtack and I'd love to start sending you job leads. Please fill out a few details about your skills and rates, and I'll start forwarding you potential new clients.

If you have any questions about what Thumbtack can provide, please don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks,
Heather
--
Subject: RE: Are you a moron?


Oh hey there Heather,


Unfortunately, no, I'm not a maid. They didn't offer that major where I went to college to get my higher education. Instead I work in PR and write a blog about the millions of weddings I'm in or have to attend. You'd know that if you read down say ... four seconds ... or clicked on the "About handMAID of HONOR" tab.  MAID of HONOR, get it? Like in a wedding - not in a person's house with rubber gloves.  SIDENOTE:  I should say for my readers that I truly respect housekeepers and maids.  I just don't respect recruiters who have no idea what they're doing.  If I had done that to an editor, I'd hope she'd ridicule me on Glamour.com also.


Anyways, Heather, as requested, I'd love to share a few details about my skills and rates.

• I am a huge college football fan; Penn State. Doesn't necessarily get the windows spotless though.  Back in the day I could be paid with a red Solo cup, Smirnoff and cranberry juice.
• I can name a nailpolish color with the best of them.  Apologies, skill not suited in the laundry room.
• I often manage text conversations and witty remarks on behalf of myself and clients (read: friends). Standard text msg rates apply.
• You should see the handMAID, get it?, table cards, aprons, spoons and cork toppers I've created.  I'm still working out those rates.

No questions about Thumbtack, thanks.  Let me know if you have any questions about my blog title and if I can start referring you to clients also.

Thanks much,

HMOH

HMOH: if you were to throw me a ________

Well, my productivity has met its match. I am addicted to pintrest. It's here you can store away (in perfectly organized boards) your inspirations, must-haves, wish-i-hads, and favorites.   You can follow HMOH by clicking the following link … but don't steal my ideas. I kid. No I don't. 


And now welcome please my  "If you were to throw me a _______" series.  Maybe in twenty years my friends and family can comb the HMOH archives or virtual boards for my wishful inspirations to host the perfect party for me.  

So, if you were to throw me a bridal shower ... 

I'd want it to have Martha Stewart written all over it ... with handmaid* name tags ... and I'd want the favors/dessert to be funfetti cake in a mason jar.

Go ahead, write that down. -HMOH  

HMOH photobook: get inspired.

here are things that today,

                                     -HMOH