SIDENOTE: hehe and other creepy things

yea, so sidenote:

• Just like Mother Earth decided she wasn't too much into spring this year, I've decided that I really can't get behind clog sandals and men wearing any of the following:  cell phone clips, class rings or "man sandals" (see right).
• Seriously, let's avoid "hehe" while im-ing.  It's creepy and I'm not quite sure how to respond to your giggle.
• I'm proud to admit I cried during Meredith's last day.  Quit judging.
• Caught an episode of Wheel of Fortune last evening.  As I bought a vowel from the treadmill I solved the "I'M HAVING A REALLY GOOD DAY" phrase. Seems they've run out of puzzles ... and smart people to spin that wheel.
• Have you ever walked into the restroom and known that you interrupted someone's poop.  Like they walked in, let out a sigh of relief that the coast was clear, got started ... and then you walk in.  Are you supposed to apologize?
• The Hamptons, although a perfectly good time, is just another way for rich people to show they're better than you.  For example, the 11 bedroom monstrosity rented by the socially retarded, retired (definition: laid off in from finance) 37-year-old that I, along with friends, was invited to.  What did the NYC gals who rent studio apartments that you can cook from your bed do?  We entertain ourselves in the orchid room, that's a room dedicated to orchids (estimated retail value: $2,500 worth of stems) and shout orders to the imaginary wait staff.  hehe
• Know what the coolest job next to naming nail polishes is?  Designing the GOOGLE for each morning's page.  Today's genius instruments - um, genius.  And what will they think of tomorrow?   A friend educated me about a History Channel special he walked on the dedicated team of 15 people who doodle for a living. Um, I can doodle! Get me in.
• Toe nails should be shorter than any fingernails. Just saying slash dry heaving.

I'm going to need a weekend. And stat.

-HMOH

4 days, 3 nights, 2 bachelorettes ...

• How come every time you have no where to go and all the evening at your fingertips to enjoy your mani/pedi, the lady rushes you out the door? and how come when you're in a rush and need to say - get back to the office - she takes her sweet ass time, perfectly crafts each nail and gives you the best massage ever? 
• and how come before you can leave on any kind of "for pleasure" vacation, you have to endure the worst work week(s) of your life?
• and ice cream isn't carbs, right?
• and how come - if it hadn't been done a million times before - the trip you planned months ago will inevitably end up a great screenplay for some bachelor/ette themed movie?

These were a few thoughts (besides "how do I quit and still get paid" and "hand me a margarita") I pondered before jetting out to this past week's Puerto Rico bachelorette bash. Before I get started, let me say hello to Jason, Danielle's fiancée.  Rest assured, we were all well-behaved.


The theme: "4 days, 3 nights, 2 bachelorettes, 1 hell of a good time" (I'm cheesy, deal).  The backstory: sorority sisters who met in college - Danielle and Ari are bridesmaids in each other's weddings (1 month apart) and it was time to combine bridal party forces and take ourselves to the Caribbean.  Eight girls headed down to get their bachelorette party on.


And while we all came back with our teeth, their fiancées and most of our dignity, what did happen was something only an HMOH bachelorette party could bring:

• Try arriving at the airport to find your 6:45 am flight had been cancelled, then watching as one f'ing American Airlines agent pretended she was about to rebook and help the 100 people who'd gathered in line,
• Frantically dialing your friend who was supposed to pick you up in a cab for the airport but clearly overslept .. and missed the flight (no worries, she' d manage to get down later),
• Sitting besides a 300 lb snoring man and an old lady with no eyebrows who smelled like she rolled around in Downy after smoking her fifth pack of the day,
• Arriving in the hotel lobby after a crazy ass morning only to be greeted by 1) rain and 2) the bachelorette's ex-boyfriend and his current girlfriend  ...  who of course planned a romantic getaway on the same weekend,
• Torrential downpours each day from noon through the evening (apparently Puerto Rico has a rainy season ... and tanning salons, just saying),
• A "bed bug" incident which in turn led to an exterminator, two "very full" mosquitoes and a room switch,
• A taxi driver who played his YouTube music videos (and sounded like he'd be castrated) to the back seat and swore on his life he plays often at Madison Square Garden … you know, and drives a Puerto Rican taxi for fun on weekends,
• Saki bombs, Puerto Rican style,
• Waking up in your hotel room to the sound of a pigeon cooing in your ear (I'm still 65% certain it happened in real life),
• A bachelorette leaving the dinner table to puke because she was too hungover to eat her $60 filet mignon,
• Finding out we were taken off the return flight because of our "no show" on the cancelled leg from Friday,

... and the kicker, after sorting it all out ... 

• Arriving safely in New York and being asked to sit back down after gathering luggage from our overhead bins (carefully, as some items may have shifted).  Then watching as four officers walked to the exit row, instructed a man and his girlfriend to grab their carry-on (they almost took a friend's before we insisted it wasn't theirs), and then following outside where he was handcuffed and she was interrogated.  Yep, we walked to baggage claim with the criminal and his police escorts, full on CSI-style.

With sun each morning from 8am to noon, a tan, a Facebook friend request from one Pedro Juan, etc. and endless dirty martinis (extra dirty) ... a good time had by all. 

So, if you're planning to host a Bachelorette party in the area, steer clear of two things: May and American Airlines.  That said, here are some HMOH recommendations (note: due to weather, we did not really leave the vicinity):

1. Stay at: El San Juan or La Concha
2. Eat at:  La Concha's Perla Restaurant
3. Party at:  Brava (Saturday night, you'll need your high school ID for Friday)
4. Best place for makeshift pickle back shots (read: Jameson + pickle juice):  Brother Jimmy's @ ESJ
5. Best place for extra dirty martinis:  Anywhere old married men are seated and will buy them for you
6. Best thing to do when it rains all day:  See 4 and 5
7. Best way to entertain yourselves:  Watch this clip and have your less than sober friends reenact it ALL. DAY. LONG.

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: due to prior engagements, it's been a while

Awwww man. Wedding season hasn't even kicked off yet and it's engagement holy hell.  Tons of "on one knees" happening all over the place.  Sorta makes me sick - I mean happy for my friends!  Congrats to Robyn and Pete (met on the bathroom line at a bar) and Jessica and Paul (rekindled at a sleepaway camp 5 year reunion) on their recent engagements!


It's been a while since I've had a moment to write it all down - but here are some HMOH sidenotes.

• I've mentioned it before but after a weekend brunch spent with a diet coke, coffee and water laid out before me while a friend ordered toast prior to the waitress seating us, it was decided that we'd be 25 again this year.  To that my friend celebrated by ordering herself an iPad ... with "Happy 25th Birthday" engraved on the back.  Totally ok.
• This past weekend I got "bum rushed" on the subway when I entered a car unfortunately inhabited by a smelly homeless man lying across the bench.  This time his pants were only half (not at all) on, forcing me to quickly transfer one car over.  I spent the remainder of the ride downtown amused by the folks who would walk in and then jet out to my neighboring car, the family of 5 I couldn't warn quick enough not to go in there, and the said bum who awoke from his naked stupor and just casually lit up a smoke on the subway car.  Also totally ok.
• In preparation for the upcoming bachelorette weekend in Puerto Rico, I have been on the hunt for a slutty get-up to wear out at the club.  For real, I know I've been out of the Bebe and Charlotte Russe scene for a while - but they don't make slut like they used to.  
• Giving up carbs sucks.  Did you know orange soda has 54 grams of carbs?  I don't even know what that means other than I'd rather eat a slice of pizza.  
• Kudos to Jill for sending through the most perfect blog post today.  If you are one of my generation - the American Girl generation - you'll laugh out loud.  This gem sheds light on how your ridiculously priced doll shaped who you'd become today.  As a proud Molly owner (and past Halloween poser) - I'm on board with the nerd shaping my carefully honed aptitude for sarcasm.  Didn't have one?  Poor you - but you'll find out that it shaped who you are today too.

• No American Girl doll:  .... Your parents wouldn’t buy you an American Girl doll because $80 is a ridiculous price to pay for a toy, which would then inevitably lead to the purchase of multiple accessories ranging from the overpriced ($18 for “Winter Accessories,”), to the exorbitant ($56 for an “Ice Cream Set,”), to the highway robbery ($349 for a “doll’s chest,” a.k.a. tiny wooden box). You grew up to be financially independent, level-headed, unspoiled and still just a little bit resentful whenever you walk by the American Girl Place. 

That said, looking and feeling pretty good for this weekend in sunny Puerto Rico!  Lots of upcoming travel and then Memorial Day weekend kicks off what used to be my beach season - and now is wedding season.  


Busy little bee - but I'm promising to try my best get back to buzzing on this blog. 

A happy Tuesday (it's Tuesday right?) to you all,
HMOH

timeless.

a true princess.

Admittedly I slept through most of the ceremony this morning, but I was confident the media would help me to relive it over ... and over... and over again.  As one friend's status simply puts it, "Royal Wedding Hangover".


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: it's a good friday folks

Well TGIGF! In just five days, I've been sitting on a plane for 19 total hours.  While I appreciated quality time spent with best friends and a little sun, I also appreciate being grounded for the weekend.  I'm not going to appreciate it if I start to get "flat mom butt" for sitting for massive amounts of time.  Not to mention, I haven't had a minute to stock up the apartment  - so I've been using a travel size deodorant for a week and in pure desperation had to wash a dish with handsoap.


No meat today, cheese on Sunday and then celebrating Passover a week late with a "no carbs crash diet" before Puerto Rico.  And in honor of Mother Earth and my man JC, here's to a Good Friday:

• I'm rocking a cute, very-NYC maxi dress today.  Clearly it got stuck in the escalator at the local Duane Reade and I now look very-NYC bum with some solid grease stains and tire marks down the back.  But what turned this Good Friday into an Awesome Friday was my coworker's Facebook status posted shortly after his trip to the men's room:
• To my co-worker who celebrated Earth Day by not flushing the ridiculous devastation I just encountered in the Men's Bathroom, it wasn't appreciated. And if said co-worker was also celebrating Good Friday, then I'm gonna go ahead and say that wasn't very Christian of him either.
• My plane back from Houston (the last one out) ... got hit by a truck.  Like what? Best part - putting that into an email to your coworkers.  The ol "my plane got hit by a car so I won't be in the office until noon" excuse?
• On my way back out west for a 24-hour biz trip to San Fran, I sat next to a delightful couple.  Scojoe (as they refer to themselves) were on their way to Bali for two weeks.  They go yearly and help out in the orphanages, and after looking at some of their photos it's now on my  bucket list.  We shmoozed and shared stories (Scott mentioned he was a hippie in LA that hung with this guy - might know him - Jim Morrison) ... then Joe paused and in all seriousness said, "You know what, you're such a modern day woman" - he continued to site the reasons why my life was great.  It was something I needed to hear from a perfect stranger, putting a smile on my face as I plugged into sappy love songs and rode out the rest of the way.
• It's not at all concerning when you and your coworkers get kicked out of a cab because the driver was pissed you asked him to push his seat up, roll-up to your hotel in San Fran, check in, check on your conference room and then wait while one has to change rooms three times.  Then overhear the concierge whisper, "They're from New York. .." 

Well that's right, I'm from and back in New York.  Tomorrow I'll be attending quite possibly the best idea of a bridal shower EVER at Citifield.  What better to be watching America's favorite pastime, while also partaking in my apparent pastime.  Stay tuned for a recap and pics.


And whether you're at the end of a no bread week or just gearing up with me to eat some damn cheese (whoop, whoop) ... wishing everyone a great weekend.




-HMOH

HMOH tip #414: there's a difference between like and love

There's a difference between like and love.  Because, I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada bag. 

But I love my Sketchers.

That's because you don't have a Prada bag.

Well spring is in the air today - a nice change for the tornado that blew through NYC the other day.  Puts a little pep in your step and is a perfect send off to the 83 degree Houston heat awaiting my arrival this evening.


If you're one of the millions like me, your Filofax is jam packed the next few weekends with bridal showers, bachelorette parties and weddings. I'm hoping you've penciled in an outdoor concert, veg-out sesh, etc. as well.  As Cher best defines the difference between like and love above, see some of my recent wedding LIKES and LOVES that follow.

• LIKE seeing reality TV turn into a reality.  For my fellow Bachelorette fans out there, check out this sweet engagement story and photos from our friend Deanna and her fiance Stephen (you'll remember his twin brother Michael was on Jillian's season).  Proof that sometimes you life brings you one place so you find your way to another.
• LOVE being a "wedding expert". That I'm still tapped for wedding speech advice, how best to respond "no" to a wedding invitation that you're lying about the reason you can't come, and whether or not favors or a candy bar are more appreciated by guests.
• LIKE the return of the Gilt Groupe Wedding Shop.  Get fun runway styles whether you're the bride-to-be, a guest or the unofficial planner. Check it out before it's too late (Apr 14 - 20). 
• LOVE "The Story of Us" table seating chart.  I saw this a while back and creepily kept the idea in my pocket.  I've always loved the fact that couples who have been together for years before getting married could resurface "blast from the past" photos that document how they've grown up together before they've grown old together.  Check out Katie Fischer designs and  - a clever way to seat your guests at the pivotal (read: first awkward kiss) milestones in your relationship.  

HMOH DIY Tip: for "The Story of Us" 

Clearly I've signed myself up to help out Ari and Brad with a DIY translation of the table seating board.  The two have known one another since elementary school.  It wasn't until college when they made the transition from friends to more ... but this is the perfect way for them to seat their guests for the upcoming reception on July 23, 2011.

Here's how to get it done:

1. Based on your number of expected guests, confirm how many tables you'll have and how many "moments" you'll have to agree to.
2. Meet as a couple and start to plot out your faves.  Where you first met, your first kiss, when he first knew, when she first knew, when you met the parents or big brother  (NOTE: some firsts are better left unmentioned). Put it all together and match the table numbers up to the story of you.
3. Assign guests that may have had a part in that special moment to be seated at that table (i.e., If you met in High School - it's your "High School Friends" table).
4. Create (or employ your very own HMOH), find or purchase photos that represent that special moment.
5. Name the moment, define the moment.
6. Work with a Kinkos or framing shop to mount your photos in a large and matted frame.
7. Check back in with me in a few weeks when I embark on this special project with Ari :)

Anddd - yee haw, I'm out for the South.  Have a great weekend y'all!

-HMOH

HAPPY BDAY HMOH!

Look who turns 1 today!!

It's funny because I vowed this past weekend to be 25 again.  That was a great year.  Lucky for me I'll take any opportunity to celebrate my own birthday, and just realized it's been a year since I've embarked on the HMOH journey (160 posts, countless bridesmaids obligations and various laughs later).  Another opportunity to thank everyone for stroking my ego, contributing content and just reading along. 

So, here is it - Happy BDAY Blog ... to many more.

-HMOH

p.s. Happy Birthday to Kelsey too.  She graciously shared her bday with my baby ... and will continue to have to fight me for the spotlight