Take a look at her recent post and all this incredible French wedding had to offer. Les félicitations Anne et Mat! See what I did there?
-HMOH
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
this is how you call, B-Oui (translation: BWE, best wedding ever).
A destination wedding is an undertaking for invited guests, but there are some destinations (and couples) that you just can't turn down. I've mentioned before that a friend was invited to attend a grand wedding in Provence, France. And of course, the Travel Bug wouldn't have missed it for the world ...
SIDENOTE: i heart NY
On my leisurely walks to work I often think up the million and one reasons why I love New York. It doesn't hurt that I pass a bunch of freaks and chic's alike.
- This past weekend I spent time away with great friends in the Hamptons and Montauk, a place I went every summer growing up with my family. We stayed at the Cozy Cabins, which was neither cozy nor a cabin. You can't help feeling large and in charge when all that pass by are size 0, perfectly dressed, 45-year old women who work out, play tennis and sunbathe for a living. Bitches.
- At Surf Lodge two young men swooped in to start chatting with me by the bonfire. Just trying to get to know me - they asked if I was still in school or had already graduated. When I laughed and told them I was no longer in school ... the one raised an eyebrow and said, "You say that like you've been out a long time." Admittedly five years - they smiled, told me I had great genes, and excused themselves to the bar.
- This morning, I ran along the East River with the breeze (and FDR Expressway exhaust fumes) blowing through my hair. But just like big city, small world - I bumped into my friend Ashley along the way and chuckled as we refused to hug in the sweltering heat.
- I almost caved and signed a lease on an apartment last evening because it was located at my most ideal address ever - right in the middle of everything. Unfortunately, I would have been able to sleep in bed while making an omelet on the stove (all for $2K a month). On to the next ...
- This weekend I'm committed to relaxing, not spending money and laying low. I'm also committed to a trip up to the Connecticut beaches, whoops.
- Some homeless hippie couple just took up residence on my usual walk to work. They smoke pot on the street corner at 8:45 a.m. and are dressed in macraméd, Jamaican-schemed tunics. They also store all their belongings in a Bugaboo racer stroller. A $750 stroller. That's about one to two months rent in any other city ... but I guess then you wouldn't be living in New York.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
HMOH bachelorette recap: episode 9
I owe you an apology. Work is inconsiderate and the back-to-back meetings made getting this up before 10 p.m. today impossible. If you paid me to write the blog, I'd considering re-prioritizing ... but until I can fund a profession in blogging, I'm a slave to the corporation. So again, I apologize to all of you who continued to check back today and found last Friday's post. My bad.
Without further ado, let's begin. So we know this week is going to be a big deal because the season's promos like to blow any unlikely surprises. We come to the video footage documenting each of the top three bachelor's journey ... and the past nine weeks of my life semi-wasted.
We know Chris feels strongly about Ali. His montage takes us through the very moment I fell for Cape Cod Chris. He knows that the love between them is natural. I know that their make out sessions are anything but natural.
Up next is Roberto's journey and the stud muffin tells us folks at home that we're going to have to wait until he's rejected to start naming our firstborn (fiinnneee) - he's excited to be the only one left.
Then there's Frank. Dear Frank. I knew I couldn't trust a man with no eyes. This fellow has rubbed me the wrong way since Day 1. I thought initially it was because his name was the same as my Dad's. It turns out it's just because he's annoying. Frank tells us about his struggle to determine if while falling in love with Ali, he realized his true feelings for ex-girlfriend Nicole. Man, if I had a nickel for every time I've been on the receiving end of this epiphany. I'm thinking the whole time that Frank is dropped off 10 blocks from Nicole's apartment in Chicago and told to slowly walk to "surprise" her at her door, that this bitch better not take him back. You're about to watch 10 weeks of your boyfriend making out with a girl on your "break". That has disaster (and "Worse than Facebook") written all over it. It jabs me when Nicole acts "shocked" to see Frank at the door and their talk is nothing but nauseating. Things get uber-awkward when Frank takes what seemed like half an hour to tell Nicole about how he hit it off with Ali, had an AMAZING time, with an AMAZING girl (chill out dude) ... and that he is confused. A quick 'you need to come home" and a crotch brush by, and Frank has made up his mind. Sweet love.
If I had to create a scenario based solely on hypothetical situations and not real life at all (read: sarcasm), I'd say Ali is about to get a text or email that goes a little something like this: I know I owe you an apology. As you know, I'm not trying to get into a serious relationship despite the fact that we dated for months (and I went on this dating reality show). Every time I got to spend with you my feelings grew stronger, you're perfect ... but it's not you, it's me. Which is why I've decided to get back with my ex, now current, girlfriend.
Franky instead has like a 19 hour flight to think about this and show up in person to tell Ali face to face. Lousy contractual obligations.
Romantic Date #1 - Roberto
Um, did that "Little Mermaid" hair flip just happen? Really? At least get some singing crabs and karps playing harps up in here.
Roberto comes over to Ali and it's clear the two genuinely miss one another. I miss Roberto, but I'm distracted by trying to drown out Ali's ridiculous baby voice. Oh ... look! A helicopter. Isn't that cute? The two get up in the air, just like their first date (Ali seems to have forgotten she's afraid), and the two head to a private island shaped like a heart. It's here I put "Go to Tahiti" on my bucket list, with a side bullet to "Check out the heart-shaped laguna". The two walk to dinner after a day kissing in the ocean - and as soon as she sits down, Ali reaches for the wine and pours herself a big ol' glass. I'm obsessed with Ali's dress ... and Roberto. He makes my heart melt when he tells her he's going to go all in and let her know he's falling in love with her. It may or may not have taken him 20 minutes to do so, but it no pasa nada.
I'm not sure if the sweat beads running down Roberto's head were from nerves or Tahiti - but I feel that way when I get off the subway each morning here in NYC's summer heat (another thing we have in common). Things get even hotter when Roberto accepts (why was he surprised?? is this not season 100 of the Bachelor??) the fantasy suite card from C Harrison. Salsa dancing in the bedroom. Enough said.
Romantic Date #2 - Chris
Well if there are the two I would have picked for myself (because I'm selfish like that) from the get-go, it's Roberto and Chris. So despite his semi-awkwardness, I'm excited to see the two of them on this date. In fact, by the time it's over ...I Ali was more in love with Chris than ever.
While I'm focusing on Ali's zit, I'm also noticing the two get off to an uncomfortable start. Thankfully things progress and they plunge into the turquoise waters to head to the shore. Ali tried to be all cute by hanging on to Chris, but I could see he was struggling to stay afloat. Couldn't the boat have brought them even a little bit closer to land?
Regardless, finding pearls on the beach was pretty awesome if you ask me; and when the two sat and dined together, I got that gushy feeling. Chris is so genuine and in love; tells her he can see them together forever. I'm worried this poor boy is about to get a serious dose of heartbreak.
And if I may - Fantasy Suite 54 is where it's at. This seemed a much better deal than Roberto's love pad. That bed called for bad things to happen (sorry Mom). Chris affectionately spits out "God, I love you." and the official "creepy smile while living vicariously through another couple" happens to me for the first time this season.
Not Romantic At All Date #1 - Frank
Why did this guy pack a bag? You know you're getting on a plane and coming right back, correct? Upon arriving, Frank enlists the expertise of our friend C Harrison and worries that he's not ready to tell Ali that his heart is still with Nicole. Oh, snap. Who saw this coming besides me and every US Weekly reader? C asks the important question of how Frank sees Ali reacting. He also gently mentions that while he's a good guy, he f'd up ... and he f'd up real bad. I think everyone could use their own C Harrison.
Clearly I'm on Team Ali for the rest of the episode. She gets the "We had ... ", "I was ..." and I'm like "ohhh ... here we go." And then, the hypothetical text message I just guesstimated might be sent, instead gets delivered to Ali in person. I clapped at the dramatic toss of the flower from her hair to the floor. She left her job and apartment for this, dammit. Everything for this - did you know that? A big F-bomb gets thrown, and then she chucks her shoes on top of the flower. Excellent performance, couldn't have done it better myself (except, I have).
Rose Ceremony
Despite the warranted tears and tough day, Ali agrees she must move forward with the Rose Ceremony to formally have Chris and Roberto accept that they want to be here with her. The two do, like the gentlemen we know them to be. Hopefully one of them will prove to be worth leaving her job as an ad executive and her apartment in San Francisco and everything for this.
And it's down to:
I'm prepared for a meeting with the rents in Bora Bora and a potential proposal. Who's it going to be??? Your guess is as good as mine!
But UP FIRST, the boys are back for a tell-all; in fact, I'm pretty sure Craig was out in LA taping the show this past weekend. This is the episode I've been waiting for since he got sent home. Yessss, please.
Until then - Leave your comments, questions, concerns below!
-HMOH
Without further ado, let's begin. So we know this week is going to be a big deal because the season's promos like to blow any unlikely surprises. We come to the video footage documenting each of the top three bachelor's journey ... and the past nine weeks of my life semi-wasted.
We know Chris feels strongly about Ali. His montage takes us through the very moment I fell for Cape Cod Chris. He knows that the love between them is natural. I know that their make out sessions are anything but natural.
Up next is Roberto's journey and the stud muffin tells us folks at home that we're going to have to wait until he's rejected to start naming our firstborn (fiinnneee) - he's excited to be the only one left.
Then there's Frank. Dear Frank. I knew I couldn't trust a man with no eyes. This fellow has rubbed me the wrong way since Day 1. I thought initially it was because his name was the same as my Dad's. It turns out it's just because he's annoying. Frank tells us about his struggle to determine if while falling in love with Ali, he realized his true feelings for ex-girlfriend Nicole. Man, if I had a nickel for every time I've been on the receiving end of this epiphany. I'm thinking the whole time that Frank is dropped off 10 blocks from Nicole's apartment in Chicago and told to slowly walk to "surprise" her at her door, that this bitch better not take him back. You're about to watch 10 weeks of your boyfriend making out with a girl on your "break". That has disaster (and "Worse than Facebook") written all over it. It jabs me when Nicole acts "shocked" to see Frank at the door and their talk is nothing but nauseating. Things get uber-awkward when Frank takes what seemed like half an hour to tell Nicole about how he hit it off with Ali, had an AMAZING time, with an AMAZING girl (chill out dude) ... and that he is confused. A quick 'you need to come home" and a crotch brush by, and Frank has made up his mind. Sweet love.
If I had to create a scenario based solely on hypothetical situations and not real life at all (read: sarcasm), I'd say Ali is about to get a text or email that goes a little something like this: I know I owe you an apology. As you know, I'm not trying to get into a serious relationship despite the fact that we dated for months (and I went on this dating reality show). Every time I got to spend with you my feelings grew stronger, you're perfect ... but it's not you, it's me. Which is why I've decided to get back with my ex, now current, girlfriend.
Franky instead has like a 19 hour flight to think about this and show up in person to tell Ali face to face. Lousy contractual obligations.
Romantic Date #1 - Roberto
Um, did that "Little Mermaid" hair flip just happen? Really? At least get some singing crabs and karps playing harps up in here.
Roberto comes over to Ali and it's clear the two genuinely miss one another. I miss Roberto, but I'm distracted by trying to drown out Ali's ridiculous baby voice. Oh ... look! A helicopter. Isn't that cute? The two get up in the air, just like their first date (Ali seems to have forgotten she's afraid), and the two head to a private island shaped like a heart. It's here I put "Go to Tahiti" on my bucket list, with a side bullet to "Check out the heart-shaped laguna". The two walk to dinner after a day kissing in the ocean - and as soon as she sits down, Ali reaches for the wine and pours herself a big ol' glass. I'm obsessed with Ali's dress ... and Roberto. He makes my heart melt when he tells her he's going to go all in and let her know he's falling in love with her. It may or may not have taken him 20 minutes to do so, but it no pasa nada.
I'm not sure if the sweat beads running down Roberto's head were from nerves or Tahiti - but I feel that way when I get off the subway each morning here in NYC's summer heat (another thing we have in common). Things get even hotter when Roberto accepts (why was he surprised?? is this not season 100 of the Bachelor??) the fantasy suite card from C Harrison. Salsa dancing in the bedroom. Enough said.
Romantic Date #2 - Chris
Well if there are the two I would have picked for myself (because I'm selfish like that) from the get-go, it's Roberto and Chris. So despite his semi-awkwardness, I'm excited to see the two of them on this date. In fact, by the time it's over ...
While I'm focusing on Ali's zit, I'm also noticing the two get off to an uncomfortable start. Thankfully things progress and they plunge into the turquoise waters to head to the shore. Ali tried to be all cute by hanging on to Chris, but I could see he was struggling to stay afloat. Couldn't the boat have brought them even a little bit closer to land?
Regardless, finding pearls on the beach was pretty awesome if you ask me; and when the two sat and dined together, I got that gushy feeling. Chris is so genuine and in love; tells her he can see them together forever. I'm worried this poor boy is about to get a serious dose of heartbreak.
And if I may - Fantasy Suite 54 is where it's at. This seemed a much better deal than Roberto's love pad. That bed called for bad things to happen (sorry Mom). Chris affectionately spits out "God, I love you." and the official "creepy smile while living vicariously through another couple" happens to me for the first time this season.
Not Romantic At All Date #1 - Frank
Why did this guy pack a bag? You know you're getting on a plane and coming right back, correct? Upon arriving, Frank enlists the expertise of our friend C Harrison and worries that he's not ready to tell Ali that his heart is still with Nicole. Oh, snap. Who saw this coming besides me and every US Weekly reader? C asks the important question of how Frank sees Ali reacting. He also gently mentions that while he's a good guy, he f'd up ... and he f'd up real bad. I think everyone could use their own C Harrison.
Clearly I'm on Team Ali for the rest of the episode. She gets the "We had ... ", "I was ..." and I'm like "ohhh ... here we go." And then, the hypothetical text message I just guesstimated might be sent, instead gets delivered to Ali in person. I clapped at the dramatic toss of the flower from her hair to the floor. She left her job and apartment for this, dammit. Everything for this - did you know that? A big F-bomb gets thrown, and then she chucks her shoes on top of the flower. Excellent performance, couldn't have done it better myself (except, I have).
Rose Ceremony
Despite the warranted tears and tough day, Ali agrees she must move forward with the Rose Ceremony to formally have Chris and Roberto accept that they want to be here with her. The two do, like the gentlemen we know them to be. Hopefully one of them will prove to be worth leaving her job as an ad executive and her apartment in San Francisco and everything for this.
And it's down to:
- Chris
- Roberto
I'm prepared for a meeting with the rents in Bora Bora and a potential proposal. Who's it going to be??? Your guess is as good as mine!
But UP FIRST, the boys are back for a tell-all; in fact, I'm pretty sure Craig was out in LA taping the show this past weekend. This is the episode I've been waiting for since he got sent home. Yessss, please.
Until then - Leave your comments, questions, concerns below!
-HMOH
Friday, July 16, 2010
27 Tuxedos Discovers: The Miami Bachelor Party
Like Lebron, our “27 Tuxedos” headed to Miami
After four days of recovery, I mustered the energy to write a post about my fifth bachelor party of the year. Following two Vegas parties, one New Orleans and one stent in Austin , I headed to Miami Miami Miami were the ESPN Documentary “The U,” the latest trailer for the Jersey Shore Miami
Of course, “Nothing leaves the circle of trust” is the #1 rule of bachelor parties - no matter what city you’re in. For my nine fellow soldiers in this past weekend’s escapades … you have nothing to worry about. The following is not incriminating or implicative of anything wrong. However, for you HMOH readers and any dudes looking to plan one for a friend, I’d like to take this opportunity to share a few gems - rated PG-13 highlights - of what made this destination so great:
- The Plunge Pool Party on the Gansevoort Rooftop. Included most of what is great about a Vegas Pool Party, without warranting a cabana for thousands of dollars and without having to drink in an insanely packed area. There’s also something to be said about being on a rooftop overlooking the
- Mara Gansevoort, Lauren Gansevoort Pool, and Gabby Club Louis. I’ve come to perfect the act of giving women I mingle with on bachelor party weekends names that correspond with the locations where I met them. These are the latest additions to my cell phone.
- Taverna Opa Restaurant (also known as the juggernaut). Literally the most fun dinner of my life. Your family-style meal of unlimited meats comes with a side order of the best, bizarro European house music, a belly dancer on top of your table, and flying napkins. The crowd was comprised of us, bachelorette parties and creepy middle-aged couples. Highpoints included my best friend parading the restaurant as a crucial member of the Conga Line: Greek Edition, and a 40 year-old pervert doing repeated pelvic thrusts around the Belly Dancer’s gyrating waist. Our waiter (most ADD human being alive) was like the Grecian version of Chris Tucker, equipped with comparable stunning dance moves and super fast drawl. No I did not, “Understand the words coming out of his mouth.”
- The fated neighboring Bachelorette party. We met this group of colorful, wig-wearing ladies at Taverna Opa. It was destiny as I quickly became best friends with them and partied throughout the weekend. They were staying at the same hotel, made dinner reservations at the same places for the two nights, hailed from the same place originally, and currently live in the same city. Their numbers were the same and so was the married to single ratio. To top it off, their bride and our groom are getting married at the same exact venue in two consecutive weekends. What are the odds?
- U.S. Loses 2010 FIFA Match. My two buddies thought they could make good for the recent U.S. World Cup loss at a local dive bar's foosball table. They dominated our other friends before the dramatic entrance of two European guys dressed like they just left a Top Chef audition. My friends' egos were quickly shattered when they were demolished by what I'm pretty sure was the Danish National Foosball Team.
- Committing a robbery. More like a Jersey Shore-style heist. I paid homage to
- An elevator ride with rapper T.I.. Just three months after his release from jail. After striking up a conversation with the Bellman I learned T.I.’s exact room number. The Bellman also shared (though I’m pretty sure he should have been fired for it) that he had been called to T.I.’s room the previous day only to knock multiple times without an answer. He then let himself in to find naked women unconscious on the floor with empty bottles and condom wrappers everywhere. If only T.I. was on my bachelor party.
So there you have it, my opus to the city of Miami Miami
- "27 Tuxedos"
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
tune in for "revenge of the bridesmaids"
I'm not going to hide the fact that my taste in movies is what you might call, unique. Unique usually involves picking "Meet the Morgans" over "Crazy Heart" and hating myself for it later. Or fighting it out for a chance to watch "Dear John" and then apologizing for the ending. That said, I haven't had much luck finding a quality TV movie since Hillary Duff's "Beauty and the Briefcase."
This Sunday, ABC Family is back with an HMOH relevant premiere that I'm going to be sure to DVR while I'm out enjoying a weekend in the Hamptons. So sue me. Ramon Simone and JoAnna Garcia star in "Revenge of the Bridesmaids."
The two childhood friends return to their New York City home to find that Garcia's "dream man" is betrothed to their frenemy. The two act as bridesmaids in an effort to sabotage the pending nuptials. This has favorite written all over it. Thank me later.
-HMOH
This Sunday, ABC Family is back with an HMOH relevant premiere that I'm going to be sure to DVR while I'm out enjoying a weekend in the Hamptons. So sue me. Ramon Simone and JoAnna Garcia star in "Revenge of the Bridesmaids."
The two childhood friends return to their New York City home to find that Garcia's "dream man" is betrothed to their frenemy. The two act as bridesmaids in an effort to sabotage the pending nuptials. This has favorite written all over it. Thank me later.
-HMOH
SIDENOTE: things to do tomorrow
Listen, if I've stated it here once, I've stated it here a million times. I love to-do lists. They complete me. I have my favorite fonts - Calibri in Excel grids and Trebuchet if it's in a Word Document. I've recreated them on poster boards so they are visible to all who pass my office. My filofax is sacred.
Nothing, however, beats the handwritten to-do list I make every morning over a cup of coffee; complete with boxes and the opportunity to highlight what you've finished. Nothing, except for this one. Kid has got his/her priorities straight ... and all of corporate America could learn a thing or two.
Sign me up for tomorrow!
-HMOH
Nothing, however, beats the handwritten to-do list I make every morning over a cup of coffee; complete with boxes and the opportunity to highlight what you've finished. Nothing, except for this one. Kid has got his/her priorities straight ... and all of corporate America could learn a thing or two.
Sign me up for tomorrow!
-HMOH
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
HMOH bachelorette recap: episode 8
A disclaimer before getting into this week's recap. I, like Ali, feel that nothing stated below in any way truly (or positively) reflects the families of these gentleman. I don't know them, and so I'm just here to say things about them based on what the ABC editors splice in. Hometown dates lend themselves to major judging. I'm a judger. So having admitted that, please forgive me for my lack of compliments.
Here we go. This week I had a few glasses of wine to get through the episode. The editors don't waste any time setting up the week's hometown dates. Cue latin music and we know that Roberto's barrio is up first.
Hometown Date #1 - "If you're happy, propose her."
Roberto
Any excuse to get 'berto in a baseball uniform and I'm in. So of course he takes her to a place that is very important to him - the fields of his university. He presents Ali with a jersey (#19) that the ABC intern ironed her name onto (Dear Intern, your letters application is sloppy, just saying). Ali's proud to wear his jersey. I'm proud that Roberto wears my number. So when this is all over, just another thing the two of us have in common. I also would be game to carry my boyfriend's baseball card around in my wallet.
So we meet the fam with not-so-Spanish names. Peter and Olga. Como? What happened to Javier and Alejandro? Not until their cute accents shine through do I believe this isn't a "Blide Side" kind of couple that adopted a Latin boy so he could bring in a professional athlete's income.
Peter happens to ask some good questions and inform Ali that Roberto comes at a price. The whole time I just wondered how my Dad would handle a third degree of one of my brothers' potential mates. I think the conversation would be more like "Do you like Italian food?" "Try some of the chicken parm, come on, you'll like it."
In the end, Roberto gets Mami and Papi's blessing to "propose her" and then the family gets to dancing. I'm starting to feel sorry for these guys.
Hometown Date #2 - "Cape Cod with Chris"
Chris
I knew this one would get a little sentimental given what Chris has been through and his relationship with family. Luckily Ali's continuous giggling helped to break the somber mood (and my wine buzz). The two continue a cute little stroll down the beach and I'm sensing more awkwardness between them than the mating whales. Not to mention, Ali throws like a girl.
Chris is smitten; heartbreak written all over it. He assured Ali he wouldn't bring someone home unless he knew it was right. Then I got all choked up at how badly he wants to find someone to love. I had received a text earlier in the night - and I'm guessing it was at this exact moment. BTFLN: "Please explain to me how the Bachelorette has me tearing up tonight. Gotta be hormones, right?"
I'm trying to get Chris' dad, Ed, to be the next Bachelor. Who's with me? And I thought Chris was cute. The man is adorable and knows a thing or two about true love. He had my heart when he accused Ali of stealing his roommate. Regardless, Ali seems to enjoy a day with the family, and I continue to be burdened by the fact that Ali is wearing the bracelet Chris gave her. Love is reality, unfortunately, Ali is reality TV.
The two make it up to the tower, the last thing Chris wants to show her, where they exchange another awkward, and if you ask me, uncomfortable kiss (gag: "Damn, you're cute."). You'd think this would become more natural looking for the millions of viewers, but I don't think they're there yet.
Secretly Ali probably takes off the bracelet and gets into the car to head to good ol' Cheese-town, WI.
Hometown Date #3: "Holy Cow, We're in Wisconsin!"
Kirk
Ali [in baby voice]: Kirrrkkkyyyyyy
HMOH: Gross.
Ali asks Kirk who she's meeting today - and Kirk informs her she'll be meeting both sets of parents. He's a little nervous to see how they get along. Maybe because we find out his dad has a petting zoo in his basement where nothing moves. Oh dear stuffed lordy. I already put money on Kirk going home. Additionally, [JUDGING ALERT] Kirk's stepmom is a man. I say this because the baritone voice, Adam's apple and acceptance of an elk's foot with eyeballs in her basement couldn't possibly be the workings of a lady.
After surviving the Museum of Taxidermy, Ali meets Kirk's mom. I was convinced she was a MILF when she got up to open the door. When she turned around, I gasped a little. Blame it on the wine. After my initial shock and a swig of water, we learn the story behind the Live Strong bracelet and Kirk admits that he's fallen for Ali.
After the two-for-one date, Ali pops into the car, ready to shower off the fur from the wall ornaments and meet up with Frank for the last of her hometown visits.
Hometown Date #4 - "Let me be Frank, I'm not that into you"
Frank
Producers coordinate one of those "stroll and smile to yourself" scenes while Ali waits to run into Frank's arms. The two take a romantic ride down the Chicago River. And now, after three other dates, Ali mentions she's nervous that she might be meeting her in-laws. Girl, welcome to the season.
Frank spends a bunch of time questioning the relationship. Maybe because he's looking for a way to break up with her and needs to make it to Tahiti for 1) a free trip and 2) the most dramatic break-up in Bachelorette history. Seems Frank makes Ali very insecure - an initial red flag. Regardless all her bold proclamations of being sure about the two of them, plus the whispering sweet nothings into Frank's ear ... I'm sold that this is foreshadowing things going sour.
Net-net, Frank's family seems like a nice bunch, and his V-neck is the deepest neck I've seen in a while. After the date, Ali heads off to make a decision, comforted by the insecurity of this relationship.
Rose Ceremony
I was happy to see C Harrison. He does his thing, asking Ali if she sees her husband among these men. Awkward silence. He walks out to address the group and sets up the ceremony. One of them is going home even though they all made an impression on Ali. Quick and painless.
Roses Go To:
I have to say, Kirk goes out a complete gentleman. He keeps it together with a dignified look, and I'm certain he'll find someone back home in Green Bay to take good care of him.
Next week the crew is off to romantic Tahiti, so cheers to that! Seems there are more helicopters and heights, how unpredictable. And more importantly, Frank has me intrigued about what him and Ali need to talk about ...
Almost there!
-HMOH
Here we go. This week I had a few glasses of wine to get through the episode. The editors don't waste any time setting up the week's hometown dates. Cue latin music and we know that Roberto's barrio is up first.
Hometown Date #1 - "If you're happy, propose her."
Roberto
Any excuse to get 'berto in a baseball uniform and I'm in. So of course he takes her to a place that is very important to him - the fields of his university. He presents Ali with a jersey (#19) that the ABC intern ironed her name onto (Dear Intern, your letters application is sloppy, just saying). Ali's proud to wear his jersey. I'm proud that Roberto wears my number. So when this is all over, just another thing the two of us have in common. I also would be game to carry my boyfriend's baseball card around in my wallet.
So we meet the fam with not-so-Spanish names. Peter and Olga. Como? What happened to Javier and Alejandro? Not until their cute accents shine through do I believe this isn't a "Blide Side" kind of couple that adopted a Latin boy so he could bring in a professional athlete's income.
Peter happens to ask some good questions and inform Ali that Roberto comes at a price. The whole time I just wondered how my Dad would handle a third degree of one of my brothers' potential mates. I think the conversation would be more like "Do you like Italian food?" "Try some of the chicken parm, come on, you'll like it."
In the end, Roberto gets Mami and Papi's blessing to "propose her" and then the family gets to dancing. I'm starting to feel sorry for these guys.
Hometown Date #2 - "Cape Cod with Chris"
Chris
I knew this one would get a little sentimental given what Chris has been through and his relationship with family. Luckily Ali's continuous giggling helped to break the somber mood (and my wine buzz). The two continue a cute little stroll down the beach and I'm sensing more awkwardness between them than the mating whales. Not to mention, Ali throws like a girl.
Chris is smitten; heartbreak written all over it. He assured Ali he wouldn't bring someone home unless he knew it was right. Then I got all choked up at how badly he wants to find someone to love. I had received a text earlier in the night - and I'm guessing it was at this exact moment. BTFLN: "Please explain to me how the Bachelorette has me tearing up tonight. Gotta be hormones, right?"
I'm trying to get Chris' dad, Ed, to be the next Bachelor. Who's with me? And I thought Chris was cute. The man is adorable and knows a thing or two about true love. He had my heart when he accused Ali of stealing his roommate. Regardless, Ali seems to enjoy a day with the family, and I continue to be burdened by the fact that Ali is wearing the bracelet Chris gave her. Love is reality, unfortunately, Ali is reality TV.
The two make it up to the tower, the last thing Chris wants to show her, where they exchange another awkward, and if you ask me, uncomfortable kiss (gag: "Damn, you're cute."). You'd think this would become more natural looking for the millions of viewers, but I don't think they're there yet.
Secretly Ali probably takes off the bracelet and gets into the car to head to good ol' Cheese-town, WI.
Hometown Date #3: "Holy Cow, We're in Wisconsin!"
Kirk
Ali [in baby voice]: Kirrrkkkyyyyyy
HMOH: Gross.
Ali asks Kirk who she's meeting today - and Kirk informs her she'll be meeting both sets of parents. He's a little nervous to see how they get along. Maybe because we find out his dad has a petting zoo in his basement where nothing moves. Oh dear stuffed lordy. I already put money on Kirk going home. Additionally, [JUDGING ALERT] Kirk's stepmom is a man. I say this because the baritone voice, Adam's apple and acceptance of an elk's foot with eyeballs in her basement couldn't possibly be the workings of a lady.
After surviving the Museum of Taxidermy, Ali meets Kirk's mom. I was convinced she was a MILF when she got up to open the door. When she turned around, I gasped a little. Blame it on the wine. After my initial shock and a swig of water, we learn the story behind the Live Strong bracelet and Kirk admits that he's fallen for Ali.
After the two-for-one date, Ali pops into the car, ready to shower off the fur from the wall ornaments and meet up with Frank for the last of her hometown visits.
Hometown Date #4 - "Let me be Frank, I'm not that into you"
Frank
Producers coordinate one of those "stroll and smile to yourself" scenes while Ali waits to run into Frank's arms. The two take a romantic ride down the Chicago River. And now, after three other dates, Ali mentions she's nervous that she might be meeting her in-laws. Girl, welcome to the season.
Frank spends a bunch of time questioning the relationship. Maybe because he's looking for a way to break up with her and needs to make it to Tahiti for 1) a free trip and 2) the most dramatic break-up in Bachelorette history. Seems Frank makes Ali very insecure - an initial red flag. Regardless all her bold proclamations of being sure about the two of them, plus the whispering sweet nothings into Frank's ear ... I'm sold that this is foreshadowing things going sour.
Net-net, Frank's family seems like a nice bunch, and his V-neck is the deepest neck I've seen in a while. After the date, Ali heads off to make a decision, comforted by the insecurity of this relationship.
Rose Ceremony
I was happy to see C Harrison. He does his thing, asking Ali if she sees her husband among these men. Awkward silence. He walks out to address the group and sets up the ceremony. One of them is going home even though they all made an impression on Ali. Quick and painless.
Roses Go To:
- Roberto
- Chris
- Frank
I have to say, Kirk goes out a complete gentleman. He keeps it together with a dignified look, and I'm certain he'll find someone back home in Green Bay to take good care of him.
Next week the crew is off to romantic Tahiti, so cheers to that! Seems there are more helicopters and heights, how unpredictable. And more importantly, Frank has me intrigued about what him and Ali need to talk about ...
Almost there!
-HMOH
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