In general, I like Ali, I really do. I'd probably let her be friends with me. I'm excited to see her pick of the guys and who she ultimately ends up with. I also couldn't stop thinking that if I saw another close up on Rated R's foot and uneven toes I was going to barf.
After some bachelor bios, the limos began to pull up. If you choose not to watch the spoiler video I posted last week, go ahead and watch it now. It's really entertaining to see a finished product versus the raw footage.
I remember texting with Craig R. the night before he went out to the mansion. He promised me that I'd be very proud of some of the tricks he had up his sleeve to win Ali's heart. I've seen Craig do some "noteworthy" things (i.e., dance across 1st Avenue in a blue baby onesie at 4am), but I can't say I was impressed by his introduction out of the limo - in fact, I had some serious secondhand embarrassment. But he pulled it out with some yellow converse key chains.
I don't really like to judge [lie], but let me break it down for you:
Frank - Hey Frank. I'm probably not giving you a fair chance because you have the same name as my dad, but you may want to consider Lasik surgery since those thick frames make your eyes slightly non existent.
Jesse - You're cool. I like you. I'll probably give you a nickname (and my number).
Jay - "Family that sues together, stays together." Court ruled Jay, you're a loser.
Ty - Ty, I'm sensitive about my ears - so I wasn't going to go there with you. You seem like a really nice guy, but I couldn't get past how much you resemble Disney's Hercules.
Shooter - Yep, Shooter, it's absolutely shocking that Ali didn't want to keep the guy who admittedly is 5 seconds of fun around. That worked in college, but .. no wait, it didn't work in college either.
Kirk, the scrapbook king - Kirk, I started to laugh on the couch when you talked about your trip to the scrapbooking store and used the word macrame. My friends all shot me a look and said I better keep quiet - that you and I would be a perfect match and that you'd probably make a really good HMOH too.
We also met Hunter, the ukulele player (28 and looking for a soulmate), Kyle, the Mountain Man who lost his virginity to a coyote and wins girls over with stuffed animals (that he shot and killed himself). I'm a big fan of Chris L. the landscaper, and well I worry about Kasey. Judging by some of this season's sneak peaks, he might be a bit off the deep end.
Well a few more hours of guys pulling Ali aside (she was visibly getting a little more tipsy with each sit down), the First Impression Rose (FIR) gets placed ever so awkwardly on the table and the men are told to talk about how scary that rose is. It ultimately was Roberto that Ali chose. Muy bueno, Roberto. Muy bueno.
And leave it to our Chris Harrison to pull out the "Not Here for the Right Reasons" (NHFRR) box, carefully delivered by Bo the Bouncer, to shake things up. We knew that the producers weren't going to let Rated R go home just yet - we clearly need to set the season up for the "most shocking beat down in Bachelorette history." From there the long awaited first rose ceremony.
So the Roses go to ...
- Roberto (FIR)
- Rated R (NHFRR)
- Jesse
- Ty
- Craig R. (whoop, whoop)
- Tyler V.
- Frank
- Steve
- Chris L.
- Kirk, "Scrapbook King"
- John C.
- Chris M.
- Chris H.
- Hunter
- Craig M.
- Weatherman
- Krazy Kasey
Hasta la Vista Jay, Shooter, Tyler M., Jason, Mountain Man, Derreck, John N. and Phil.
It's going to be a great season and the sneak peak confirmed just that. Lots of exotic travel, wrestling matches, back kissing and singing. Hopefully a little less attention to feet. Leave your comments on the hopefuls below!
-HMOH
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