Q: Hi HMOH,
I'm a new follower. Came across your site when looking up stuff on being a bridesmaid. I'm like you. Always a bridesmaid, but not a bride-YET! Anyways, I love your blog. I can relate to it so much. I have a request. Can you write about your take on bringing a date to a wedding? I don't have a boyfriend now and have 3 weddings coming up and just not sure what to do about the whole date thing, especially for the one where I'm not friends with most of the people there. Thanks so much. Can't wait to read your take on this!!!!!!!!
- Crystal, from down south
A: FDS,
First, thanks for being a follower - I hope you'll stick around! I know all too well the thought process about deciding whether or not to take a date to an upcoming wedding. For me, relationships don't usually sync up to wedding season.
First rule of thumb, taking a date to any wedding is an investment. You need to make up for their head in a gift to the couple, and if it requires travel or a hotel room offer to pay. You should carefully consider when it's necessary. Many a time you stress out and after the wedding has come and gone, it's only a minor detail. Plus, not coming with someone opens you up to being the eligible bachelorette.
Here are a few scenarios with my unprofessional take. I've also checked in with some single males and they're pretty much in line with what a guy will typically do as well. Take them or leave them, or feel free to offer up your suggestions below.
My Best Friend's Wedding
If you're in the bridal party and not seeing anyone, fly solo (see exception below). You don't want to have a date you feel you have to babysit in order to make feel comfortable. You're going to be busy tending to the bride (or the single bridesmaids) and getting down on the dance floor. If you're lucky, you'll get paired up with someone who could be your pseudo date for the evening - although if you have my luck, you'll be walking down the aisle, sharing your married escort with the co-MOH (loves).
Remember my first post - being a bridesmaid was a way of presenting yourself to the eligible bachelors at a wedding with the hopes of finding a husband. I'm into vintage - maybe this throwback can work for you too.
A Friend's Wedding
If you are going to know the majority of the guests at a wedding and are contemplating a date - I say don't do it. Weddings are shared with friends and family ... a date is only helpful during the slow dances. You could spend some of those up at the bar, in the bathroom - or if you're like me, ask the band when they plan to pick it up a bit. Even my friends who are seeing someone have in the past chosen not to take them anyways. Look at it as a time to see friends, dress up and catch up.
If you don't know many people and have someone in mind to take with you, then certainly ask away. Don't force the situation or create an even more awkward one by asking someone just for the sake of asking.
I Was Supposed to Go With My Ex Wedding
Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when you have two upcoming weddings and one of the invitations actually has the D-bag's name printed on it (true story). You'll survive it. You can date the bartender or pick out hot guys/girls at the reception to take photos with and post to Facebook.
DW (Destination Wedding)
A destination wedding may be a time when you're in the wedding and may want to take a date. Destination can mean a tropical island - or a Midwestern state. A coworker asked a friend to join her at a wedding in Iowa because she really only knows the bride and groom. Another friend is traveling to France for a wedding and asked a Brit to join her. Similarly, I asked a friend to an upcoming DW (b'maid right here) in the Bahamas during Labor Day. You need to be comfortable sharing a hotel room. You need to understand that it's a money commitment and that it requires planning in advance so if your situation changes, you're screwed. I'll get into my awesome experience below, but I've had a friend who had to travel and spend a week in Jamaica with an ex boyfriend since the plane tickets were already bought.
If you know enough people at the DW, I say take it as a vacation and hope there's a chance to meet someone new. At the very least you can chalk it up to an "adventure."
Now, you could be a planner like me and want to square away date, tickets, hotels, etc. WAY in advance. So with just 6 months left for the Bahamas wedding (whatever, I do what I want), I decided to ask a good friend I studied abroad with in Spain to join me. I knew he'd be an excellent date, we'd have a lot of fun, and he could do his own thing if I needed to be on b'maid duty. I also knew that this increased my chances of awkwardly dating someone by the time the wedding came around (that's how life works, isn't it?). I booked the hotel, the plane ticket to Ft. Lauderdale and the eight person puddle jumper (plus a Rx of Xanax) to get us to our little island.
As luck would have it - the wedding has since been called off. So instead we're crashing weddings on the West Coast and taking in the Big Sur view down the Pacific Coast Highway. I plan to wear my $300 Priscilla of Boston dress, in (discontinued) lavender-ish orchid, for a majority of the trip.
Wedding Date is My Favorite Movie
Me too, seriously. I'm not going to encourage paying for an escort - but if he looks like Dermot Mulroney and then falls in love with you - he's worth the price. For the guys, if she looks like Debra Messing - reconsider.
Whatever you decide in each situation you'll have a good time - and if you don't, there will be plenty more weddings where that came from.
-HMOH
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