HMOH tip #215: i do's and don'ts of announcing your bridal party

The British Monarchy's Facebook page (yes, true) announced the Royal Couple's bridal party just yesterday.  Even if 300,000+ fans are not waiting for your announcement with baited breath, there are a select group of your closest gossiping about who will make the "cut".  It sure is a great feeling to be asked to be a part of a wedding ... and there are great ways to do it.  I've been asked in person, I've invited myself (yep, true) via blog or at another person's wedding, and I've been asked via text message (I caution against this - it doesn't end well).  As a flowergirl and junior bridesmaid, I'm guessing you had to go through my manager, Mom.


Getting off easy, guys are much more of the camp for the "Yo, dude what are you doing on the day I'm getting married?  Want to be a groomsman so we can go to Vegas?" [INSERT GRUNT AND CHEST BUMP], but a recent "horror" story shared with me by a friend (read on) prompted me to share some DOs and one big DON'T on how to ask your bridemaids, and how to possibly let others down easily.  

• Do something special:  There are so many cute and personalized ways to ask your bridesmaids to be a part of your wedding.  Take them to lunch, send them a card (I love this one from NaughtyBetty.com) or get creative (ideas to come, swear it).
• Do it individually:  Don't mass text or email the ladies.  Each gal will play a special role in your day and deserves some one-on-one attention.
• Do let her know who else is in the bridal party:  She should be aware of who else will be a special part of your special day.  She should also know who you've spoken to already so she doesn't ruin any surprises, or who she can contact to get started on your destination bachelorette bash! p.s. A heads up that her ex is in the bridal party is a pretty good idea too
• Do your homework:  Read up on TheKnot.com's "Setting Expectations" to learn about what you can expect from your b'maids (and what they will expect of you)
• Do know if you ask the HMOH you'll have "black out dates":  Jackie had two weekends she couldn't get married because her best friend - slash I - had previous "engagements"; and yes, that pun was most certainly and cleverly intended

oh yea, and DON'T do this: Let's just for a moment imagine this "hypothetical slash it really happened to a friend on Saturday" story.  Your newly engaged friend gets into town for a weekend with her gal pals (yourself included).  She hasn't yet announced her bridal party, but you have a hankering feeling you might be one of the chosen ones.  You wouldn't be surprised either way, but the secrecy is killing you. She's set up a group dinner on Saturday night, which you were excited to attend.  You're walking on the Upper East Side and pass a local mani/pedi joint, just blocks from your apartment.  There, inside, are all your other friends ... plus the bride-to-be ... getting their nails did. Her treat. She's also shadily set up a bridesmaid dress shopping adventure with her bridesmaids (yourself NOT included).  Not. cool. dude.

Word to the wise bride-to-be.  A wedding party invitation is a great honor, but it's understood - or at least should be understood - that you can not include everyone.  In a situation like this, be responsible after you've formally asked your bridesmaids by letting "the lone soldier" know that you can't wait to spend your big day with her and hope she'll understand.  We're all adults and hell, she should be ok that THIS time she gets to pick out her own dress to wear to the wedding.  No seriously - what.does.that.even.feel.like? Don't think you can do it yourself? Call on your Maid of Honor or other connected friend to gently break the news so she doesn't (straight out of a movie) catch you while you're getting your mani on.  


-HMOH