20-something dresses, jobs, apartments, etc.

I got my own place, and quite frankly - I feel like a grown up.  I've come a long way from when I was moving in to my first big city apartment. I was still receiving Christmas presents from the parentals like a new Brita, corning ware and pots/pans (this was not at all enviable by my brothers opening their PlayStations that year). Now I tell my mom I think something's cute ... and she says "It is. You should buy it."  Suddenly it's not as cute anymore. But does getting your own place mean you've finally made it?  Back in the 70s the average age to get married was 21 for women and 23 for men ... and that defined that you'd crossed off some big things on your checklist. I make checklists all the time - but mine consist of "pay electric bill" and "buy new dress for Alabama tailgate."


If you haven't yet read the recent "What is it about 20-Somethings" article in the New York Times, you should. Or don't - whatever you want.  It's another look at the changing of the decades and why we're so different from our parents.  We didn't have to walk 10 miles to school, we were spoiled and privileged, blah.  But it's not just the economy we have to blame for our generation of 20-somethings taking more time to grow up. The shift in priorities - in getting a career before a family, in wanting to see the world, in accepting an unpaid internship and accepting that your parents are going to have support you for a few more years.  I find my gal friends and I are always trying to blame something for the thousands of d-bag guys who somehow are allergic to relationships until they're "in their 30s". I'm still convinced there's a manual floating around that they're handed senior year of high school - 'Things to Do Before You can Commit".  But we're grown-ups.  I believe that.  We just do it on our own time.


After years and years of growing up with our childhood friends, and being classified as part of the "freshman class", "sophomores", etc. - we break apart on our own timeline.  Even among close social circles we find ourselves on different paths and at different rates.  It's why I'm the Maid of Honor at best friends' weddings, standing next to another best friend that is the Matron of Honor.  Same age, same college - she just goes home to a snoring husband and a dual income.  And so it goes ... and eventually you hope that you'll catch up, your friends won't be too fat when they have to be your bridesmaids, and their kids will be willing to babysit yours.


If you asked my 9-year-old self playing Barbies and house, a 20-something was old as hell and should probably be a wife and Mom.  Listen, that little girl thought spandex and Keds were all the rage ... and she'd be right again this year. But the NYT articles said we're getting married older:  the average age for marriage is 28 for men and 26 for women.  Case in point, I've always been very above average. 


Even better are our parents - who worry about their single children - because "at your age I had one kid and one on the way".  Or the mom and avid reader (Hi Jean - can't wait to see you again soon!) who sent along this recent Lemondrop article in response to the Times.  Lemondrop.com took the hard facts, and then asked their readers to see how true they were.  Turns out it's completely normal to be single, or co-habitating and enjoying life at this age. Here's what the Lemondrop folks reported:

• 28% are having a hard time meeting Mr. Good Enough, let alone Mr. Right. These people likely live in New York City.
• 19% are currently dating; 28% are living with a significant other, 26% have roommates, and only 13% are currently married. I've probably been in or attended about 10% of their weddings.
• 28% of 20-somethings are currently living with their parents.  I'm going to go out here on a limb and say that these are the ones that are contributing to the 28% having a hard time meeting Mr. Good Enough.
• According to the NYT, one-third of people in their 20s move to a new address every year. Lemondrop found out that the average 20-something has changed addresses five times this decade. I hope they didn't use the Man with the Van to ruin their stuff.
• And despite a career environment that can be somewhat tumultuous, the average 20-something has already had six jobs this decade! I just call this overachieving.

So what did I make of these articles? Nothing really.  I've always said that after college you are on your own - you don't share milestones with your best friends ... you just share in their special times and them with you. Come on, it'd be rude to have your wedding on the same day as your best friend. They get their day. You get your own (even if it's 10 years later).  And that's cool. 


-HMOH