SIDENOTE: a homeless romantic

• I got picked up by yet another homeless person this week.  I've had my knee kicked out by a homeless woman.  I've offered an untouched quesadilla to the squatter outside my old apartment and been told he doesn't eat meat (he later asked for my bag of Goldfish).  I've been punched by the PSU bum who frequents College Ave and hangs outside McClanahan's (you know, the one in the Nittany Lion trenchcoat), yelled at for not giving a hungry drunk my lunch, and been told on the subway platform by another crazy that he was going to shove a cross up my ... well, whatever. This week's encounter was by a 4 foot 10' man whose left eye was looking over his left shoulder and who I'm pretty sure was foaming at the mouth.  He approached me by saying I must be a model, proceeded to do a mock photo shoot of me (threw up a little in my mouth) and somehow scored a few bucks out of the deal. 
• So they were filming 30 Rock outside my office today.  Craft services look awesome and I took a field trip downstairs to see the scene.  They updated an old storefront to look like a Strip Club.  All the girls walking past in their hotpants got a "Stripper," "Stripper," "Stripper" from me. I tried to snap a shot of Tracy Morgan (and I did) but then realized I don't really care.
• It's Friday, which is that much more exciting because it marks my week out of the office.  I'm Scotsdale, AZ bound for a work priority, take a redeye back to NYC for a day of packing  and seeing my family - and then without further ado am off to California for a 5 day coastal highway cruise. can.not.wait.

I get TV and internet in my apartment finally tomorrow ... so I hope to be in touch before I head out.  In the event that I'm just too busy (or I've found myself swept away by a homeless romantic), Happy Friday - Happy Labor Day - and Happy End of Summer!

-HMOH

20-something dresses, jobs, apartments, etc.

I got my own place, and quite frankly - I feel like a grown up.  I've come a long way from when I was moving in to my first big city apartment. I was still receiving Christmas presents from the parentals like a new Brita, corning ware and pots/pans (this was not at all enviable by my brothers opening their PlayStations that year). Now I tell my mom I think something's cute ... and she says "It is. You should buy it."  Suddenly it's not as cute anymore. But does getting your own place mean you've finally made it?  Back in the 70s the average age to get married was 21 for women and 23 for men ... and that defined that you'd crossed off some big things on your checklist. I make checklists all the time - but mine consist of "pay electric bill" and "buy new dress for Alabama tailgate."


If you haven't yet read the recent "What is it about 20-Somethings" article in the New York Times, you should. Or don't - whatever you want.  It's another look at the changing of the decades and why we're so different from our parents.  We didn't have to walk 10 miles to school, we were spoiled and privileged, blah.  But it's not just the economy we have to blame for our generation of 20-somethings taking more time to grow up. The shift in priorities - in getting a career before a family, in wanting to see the world, in accepting an unpaid internship and accepting that your parents are going to have support you for a few more years.  I find my gal friends and I are always trying to blame something for the thousands of d-bag guys who somehow are allergic to relationships until they're "in their 30s". I'm still convinced there's a manual floating around that they're handed senior year of high school - 'Things to Do Before You can Commit".  But we're grown-ups.  I believe that.  We just do it on our own time.


After years and years of growing up with our childhood friends, and being classified as part of the "freshman class", "sophomores", etc. - we break apart on our own timeline.  Even among close social circles we find ourselves on different paths and at different rates.  It's why I'm the Maid of Honor at best friends' weddings, standing next to another best friend that is the Matron of Honor.  Same age, same college - she just goes home to a snoring husband and a dual income.  And so it goes ... and eventually you hope that you'll catch up, your friends won't be too fat when they have to be your bridesmaids, and their kids will be willing to babysit yours.


If you asked my 9-year-old self playing Barbies and house, a 20-something was old as hell and should probably be a wife and Mom.  Listen, that little girl thought spandex and Keds were all the rage ... and she'd be right again this year. But the NYT articles said we're getting married older:  the average age for marriage is 28 for men and 26 for women.  Case in point, I've always been very above average. 


Even better are our parents - who worry about their single children - because "at your age I had one kid and one on the way".  Or the mom and avid reader (Hi Jean - can't wait to see you again soon!) who sent along this recent Lemondrop article in response to the Times.  Lemondrop.com took the hard facts, and then asked their readers to see how true they were.  Turns out it's completely normal to be single, or co-habitating and enjoying life at this age. Here's what the Lemondrop folks reported:

• 28% are having a hard time meeting Mr. Good Enough, let alone Mr. Right. These people likely live in New York City.
• 19% are currently dating; 28% are living with a significant other, 26% have roommates, and only 13% are currently married. I've probably been in or attended about 10% of their weddings.
• 28% of 20-somethings are currently living with their parents.  I'm going to go out here on a limb and say that these are the ones that are contributing to the 28% having a hard time meeting Mr. Good Enough.
• According to the NYT, one-third of people in their 20s move to a new address every year. Lemondrop found out that the average 20-something has changed addresses five times this decade. I hope they didn't use the Man with the Van to ruin their stuff.
• And despite a career environment that can be somewhat tumultuous, the average 20-something has already had six jobs this decade! I just call this overachieving.

So what did I make of these articles? Nothing really.  I've always said that after college you are on your own - you don't share milestones with your best friends ... you just share in their special times and them with you. Come on, it'd be rude to have your wedding on the same day as your best friend. They get their day. You get your own (even if it's 10 years later).  And that's cool. 


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: movin' on up

I'm alive.  No worries.  I have to admit I never understood how a 'real' blogger let their work slip and avoided updating their site on a frequent basis.  That's before I realized that most people have to juggle a life, a job and things like say ... cramming 5 years worth of accumulated crap into a 450 square foot apartment without breaking your back (and murdering your younger brother who complains the whole time) over the course of a weekend.  


Needless to say.  This was totally my bad.  I fell off the map the past week on account of late nights at the office and moving.  Mission now accomplished ... despite the fact that I'm without A/C until further notice and TV/internet-less (it's a new word, deal with it) until Friday. 


In HMOH News:  I recently got a message from former coworker and reader Brooke (a bride-to-be) telling me that she took on the recommendation of using Kelsey and Will's photographer for her wedding.  She's meeting with the folks at JPG Photography and will let me know if she plans to go with them.  With that, I'll be starting up a list of vendors that my friends and readers used in each city for everyone else in the midst of planning weddings.  I ask that for those who have just recently planned, executed or enjoyed a good wedding that you send the vendor details (location, event planner, DJ/band, photographer, etc.) to HMOH and I'll add it to the ongoing list!


Wedding stuff aside, I didn't do much last week besides cry and pretend my life was so much worse off than everyone else's (a bit of a drama queen I'll admit in retrospect).  

• Ugh, speaking of drama queen - my life is ruined.  My plan was to host my birthday in a few weeks at The Canal Room for a Rubix Cube 80s night.  I already had a sweet outfit in mind. They only perform on Saturdays and, lucky for me, Jewish holidays and engagement parties are getting in the way!!
• If you're moving apartments in the New York City area do NOT use 'The Man with the Van" - I repeat, just don't. Sounds like an awesome company name, right?  Yep, maybe if he actually showed up with a van and not a Ford truck that scratched up my Martha Stewart-ized (yep, also a word) bookcase.  He made me cry on the floor of the UHaul we had to rent last minute in order to move the rest of my stuff. My perfect bookcase, to which I dedicated a Friday evening and trip to a Manhattan Home Depot, is now serving as a ghetto kitchen pantry. "Man with Van" is referred to lovingly (and by lovingly, I mean with deep hatred) as "As*hole with the Van" ... I will make it mission to take his bootleg company down.
• My apartment is a work in progress but will feel like home in no time.  The view from my window of the Empire State and Chrysler Buildings doesn't hurt either.
• Woke up on Sunday morning to this gem of a text (you never get too old for these):  "p.s. Looked really hot last night, met a boy, brought him home, cuddled this am and he just left. Call me. xoxo."  It's things like this that get brought up in wedding speeches.
• Our trip to Cali - in place of the wedding that got cancelled - is fast approaching and there's an awesome itinerary underway.  It has yet to be HMOH-ified with color coding and minute-by-minute details, but I already picked up dramamine, matching rain ponchos and Disney Princess bandaids for our whale-watching tour. Nick will be more than thrilled.  
• My grandmother, bless her heart, speaks very broken English (despite 60 years in America) and is sadly suffering from dementia in her old age.  She thankfully still remembers who I am and my name, which makes me feel like the most important grandchild (clearly).  Despite not knowing what day it is or what year we're in, she still always remembers to ask me if I have a boyfriend yet.

andddd ... she's BACK.

-HMOH

if it's friday and you know it clap your hands

And thank God for that. I spent today getting my work done and then thinking up the things I would do if I had the time or money -  like create a chip store, much like a candystore, where you can go in and create the best bag of chips ever (BBCE) and pay by the pound.  Imagine dipping your hand inside your self-created sack and pulling out a sour cream & onion Ruffle and then a delightful Cape Cod salt & vinegar.  You read it here first, so if this comes to fruition I want royalties.


I wish I thought the following up in college when late night mozzarella sticks from Louie's in Haller Hall were waiting for my friends and me come 2:00 a.m.  We'd time it so that it was closing time and our friend at the counter had to give them all away so they didn't go to waste.  And they didn't.  Denny's seems to have a drunk sorority girl's attitude when they introduced this crazy concoction - the Mozzarella Stick Melt.  Melts in your mouth, goes straight to your thighs.

I'm heading out for a last weekend at the beach before the big move.  That's not before I go all HMOH and paint a bookshelf blue this evening.  I was inspired by one of the color-themed designs in a recent Martha Stewart Living issue, and quite frankly, I missed my calling.

August is half way through and September's travel plans plus the HMOH's birthday is upon us.  There are engagement parties to be had and already the bachelorette invitations are making their way in.  I get the honor (and I mean that) of providing feedback on which of Danielle and Jason's engagement photos should be on the save-the-date.  I wish I could poll you here without all our friends seeing it before it arrived in the mail.

Going to put my wedding cap back on in a few - but until then a happy weekend to all!

-HMOH

this is the one. hundredth post.

I've been waiting for this, slowly watching until it was a reality - and with just four months in existence ... I'm honored to publish my 100th blog post.


Sure, four months isn't too long and 100 posts isn't all that much.  At about 3,000 visitors each month though - HMOH is off to a great start.  I thank you readers (and friends that I force to read) for that.

Milestones like this often remind me how quickly time flies.  Here's some other recent milestones that are begging the question - where do the years go?:

• Dora the Explorer just turned 10.  Girl's about to get her period and probably make out with her first hombre. 
• Barney has to be about 20 at this point. 
• Along with wedding season is birthday season and my friends are entering their late 20s (Happy Birthday today, Brooke!).  Last week on her 28th birthday a friend caught a Full House rerun. The Tanners were celebrating Uncle Jesse's 26th birthday.  Ouch.

Well, if you don't mind - Happy 100th Post to me!


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: the bachelor bad ... and other things that take up my life

You never want to seem ungrateful for all the cool things you get to do, but I'm ready for summer to wind down.  It's really such hard work between all the beaches, travel, weddings, birthdays, roadtrips, etc.  More importantly, I can't wait for college football season to start and to have a Sunday to myself.  Of course there are plenty of engagement parties, bridal showers and bachelorette fiestas to attend before next summer's eight weddings ... but let's take it one month at a time.

• Remember when I told you I almost signed the lease on an apartment because it had the perfect address (and nothing more).  Well it's official - I'm living at that perfect address, only across the street.  Walk in closet, and what my brother and I deemed a beving room (bedroom that doubles as a living room).  I got the keys yesterday and move in in the next week.  Oh, and my neighbor has an LSU mat outside his door.  We probably won't get along once I order a Penn State one to match.
• The BlogHer conference was a great learning experience.  Become a blogger, make business cards, send yourself to the conference and grab lots of free shit.  
• So I watched The Bachelor Pad last night since I had requests from readers to provide commentary and a recap. It's a big commitment to have to take notes during an hour, sometimes two hours, long show - but I figured I'd watch episode one and then decide if I could do it.  Not. Impressed.  Not impressed at all. I'll give it another try - since there seems to be a bunch of girls professing love for men on the first day and that never works out well. But a few things to note:
• I love how C Harrison passed the torch to Melissa because he's over the bunch of morons that are about to live in this house.  And should a pregnant woman be exposed to these kind of STDs and stunts?
• How all of a sudden is Jessie the most popular bachelorette ever?
• Who invited the 65 year old divorcée from a season when most of the current viewers were in middle school?
• Weatherman seems to think he's going to be hooking up in the house.  I seem to think his forecast is way off.
• Another Bachelor private concert by a washed up band?  Lifesize Twister board? Come on guys ... you could do better.  Learn from MTV what a real challenge looks like, or at least get some Justin Bieber up in the joint.
• Craig M. and Jessie's dance scene (read: I'm going to dance with you but you're so creepy I'm sure as hell not going to make out with you).  Second.hand.embarrassment.

Alright.  Things will hopefully be a little slower and I've got some photos and posts coming your way.  In the meantime, leave your Bachelor Pad comments below.  Did you enjoy? Does it have potential?  Did you just reclaim your Monday night back?


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: staying cool

• Why do you feel like you have to lie to your doctor or dental hygienist in order to seem like the healthiest person ever?  Do you floss every day? Yep. Any new partners since we last met? Um. Is he your boyfriend? Well I mean ... yea, of course. How many drinks per week do you have? Ohhh, I'd say one if I'm lucky.  
• Why don't they ever call you out on your shit?
• Last weekend at the beach our group of mid-twenty somethings (I refuse to admit late twenties is upon us) toasted the night with these amazing cups. Guaranteed good time. 

Why you gotta be so nosey?

• There should be this unspoken, yet mandated rule on the subway or any form of public transportation for that matter:  If you think someone is attractive and are within close proximity, you should have to ask them for their name and number.  Do it because they never get off at the same stop as you - it's part of Murphy's Law.  
• I send a very happy birthday out to my friend Kerry today!  I happened to have found the best birthday card ever with a valuable lesson.  The one featured bunny tells the other eating a hamburger that "You are what you eat."  The hungry fellow responds with "Well then I should eat skinny people."  Genius.
• Tomorrow and Friday I'm tied up at the BlogHer 2010 conference.  Not only will I be rocking our awesome client event, but I'll be taking notes and meeting thousands of women bloggers from across the country.  I'm coming back with the title of "coolest blogger there," even if it's self-proclaimed.

-HMOH

HMOH photobook: kelsey and will's happily ever after wedding

I've seriously been waiting forever to share some of the incredible photographs (and good times captured) from Kelsey and Will's wedding in historic Chadds Ford, PA this past June.   We got a little sneak peak as the photography crew crept out of the reception at midnight (dance party was still in full effect) and left a computer with a rotating slideshow for us to dance around.  These pics really speak to the importance of selecting a professional photographer - like our friend Joe at JPG Photography. Even a professional as he watched us change into our bridesmaid dresses and take a deep breath in to zip them up.  Despite managing to capture every weird face I apparently made throughout the evening, he did an incredible job with this!  A good looking selection of bridal party members and guests help also. 


I owe the couple a photobook as part of my MOH present.  I swear I'll get to it before their one-year anniversary, but in the meantime consider this a start ... 

HMOH bachelorette recap: season finale

I know, I know ... hello Ms. Nowhere to be Found.  I've been a busy summer bee between the beach and trying to find a place to live - and thus I've been a little MIA.  I promise to get into the swing of things - as this summer is flying by.  And by that I mean, Wow!  We've arrived at the Bachelorette Finale.  Eleven episodes, twenty-two hours and countless aches and pains on account of taking notes during this show all lead up to the final evening - a three hour evening I might add.  And the burning question. Can you feel the love tonight?


So the tabloids and sneak peaks all lead me to believe that Ali isn't going to pick anyone.  This may or may not be because I'm hoping she lets Roberto back into the dating pool so he can find his way up from South Carolina to New York. I'll keep dreaming.


Of course, it's the usual footage we all have seen a million times.  Cut to the chase guys, I'm ready.  I must say, I still get chills every time they play Chris saying, "God I love you."  I still want to meet Roberto and prove why I'm better than Ali.  I also really need to get to Bora Bora, and stat.  I could perhaps save it for my honeymoon.  It'll still be there in twenty years, right?


So we see why it is Roberto and Chris made it this far.  They're hot.  Also, her connection with Roberto is undeniable.  The two seem pretty confident in one another's feelings.  Ali told the cameras that knew right away she wanted to bang get to know him.  As for Chris, Ali likes him because he's safe.  And when you ask Ali she'll tell you he makes her laugh. The credits throughout the season showed he's quite the jokester, however, his kissing is a joke also. 


Some more pensive bikini shots to fill the two hour time slot and then we get into the introductions to Ali's parents.  I'm impressed that her divorced parents can come together on a romantic island together for something like this, but I guess your daughter's happiness trumps a split.  


Meet the Parents
First up is the Latin lover.  Ali runs into Roberto's arms, squeals like a little girl and then begins talking like a four-year-old.  She's in love.  She tells Berto that he looks so handsome.  I agree.  So of course when the handsome fellow meets the parents he speaks Spanish and puts on the charm.  Dad seems unimpressed at first; Mom clearly has a crush on Roberto.  She pulls him aside to ask a few questions and marvel at his beauty.  I'm swooning at all his talk about making sure Ali is happy always and then he asks Mom how to do that best.  Roberto promises her that he'll take care of Ali.  Mom wants to bang get to know him too.


In his discussion with Dad, Roberto gets a little tripped up on his words and tells Dad that he hopes he knows he "generally wants to make her happy."  Said from couch:
Roommate #1 -  "Generally or genuinely wants to make her happy?"
Roommate #2 -  "Whatever, English isn't his first language."


Slip ups aside, Roberto has the family salsa dancing in no time.  Another example of "white people can't dance."  And then Ali walks him outside where I was pretty certain she said "I love you." After rewinding three times - we concluded that it was a "they love you." We'd just have to wait a little longer to confirm. When Roberto walks away down the dramatic pier Ali's smile is one of love and lust.  At this point, I'm pretty certain I know who she's picking.


Chris comes to meet the family next.  We all know he's going to get along with them fabulously.  He (the ABC intern) does a great job of putting together a fruit basket that no one is going to touch, and it's clear to me that Ali didn't put nearly as much effort into her outfit today like she did with Roberto's date the day before. Ali's sister, however, put some effort into that lace bra hanging off her shoulder and the seriously provocative cleavage.  She's down to take whoever is left over at the end of this.


Of course the table conversation takes a turn towards Chris' mother and the poor boy gets to talk about it again.  He bonded with the siblings and then sat down with Dad to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage.  Dad trusts Chris because he's "family orientated."  Maybe English isn't his first language either?


I can't help but wish they'd stop zooming in on Chris and Ali kissing.  It ruins his cuteness for me.  But then he's just so adorable and wants so badly to be in love.  I wish him all the best.


After the family deliberates, Ali learns Dad has a crush on Roberto now too.  Sister defends Chris and says he's planning to propose, and Mom wants Ali to pick Chris so that she can have Roberto.  Either way, we all agree Ali is going home with a great catch.


Alone Time
Roberto


Ali and Roberto take a ride on something she likes - a machine that goes really fast.  And then SURPRISE, the two pull up unsuspectingly to a school of string rays flown in to Bora Bora from SeaWorld.  And then LOOK, they happen to have sting ray food in their pockets.  How cool is that?   


The evening gets uber-romantic as the two kiss in the rain, have dinner in their love-making hut and talk more about how perfecto Roberto is.  He comes baring gifts, in the form of a picture frame with his love professed on the back.  I'm sold.  He then tells Ali he loves her.  While the two get swept up in their emotions, I'm focusing on the zit on Ali's chin that hasn't cleared up in the past week.  Get some makeup for this girl!  Regardless, her lust is too strong to pull away and Ali stays the night.  Major props, she held out for quite some time.


Alone Five Minutes 
Chris


At this point I already know what's about to go down.  ABC producers can't pull the "craziest ending in Bachelorette history" on me.  Poor Chris is 100 percent confident he's going to propose.  I'm 100 percent confident she's about to cut him loose.  My heart hurts.


Ali walks in on the day of their date to tell Chris that she's in love with someone else.  Of course all this is whispered and needs to be translated for the millions of Americans watching via subtitles.  Man would it suck to have your break-up subtitled; I guess we call that 'e-mail' in real life.  


Despite the heartbreak I'm not prepared to take for Chris, I respect Ali's decision to spare him having to pick out a ring and propose.  She tells him to "hang in there" (rude) and tells the camera she "loves hugging him and hanging out with him."  Notice she didn't mention that she loves kissing him.


But then, in the midst of this difficult situation, the rainbow.  And with the rainbow - a pot of tears rolling down my cheeks.  A perfect touch that even ABC's producers couldn't have staged. Chris' mom sends down a signal and all is right in the world.  And there you have it folks, our next Bachelor.


The Proposal
Neil Lane walks in to let Roberto pick out that killer rock for Ali.  His afternoon was freed up since he only had one appointment.  Roberto gets himself dressed and ready to go after a solid thirty minutes of "looking off into the sunset" footage.  Ali also gets to dressing up with the help of the ABC intern, whose flip flop gets its 15 seconds of fame.  


Realizing everyone already knows what is going to happen, the editors cut and splice to make Roberto's decision to propose uncertain.  Roberto circles the island just enough times for the suspense to build.  C Harrison greets him off the Catamaran and points him in the direction where Ali awaits.  And so Roberto makes my heart, and millions of women's alike, melt with his proclamation of love.  Despite all the nerves and the beads of sweat forming on his lips (distracting), he tells Ali he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.


And then the proposal.  And then the creepy smiling on my behalf.  And then "The Lion King" soundtrack.  Really?


Y La Ultima Rosa Va A:  Roberto
Hasta la vista: Chris


So that is it folks. The end. The happy couple is pretty adorable (despite my jealousy) - so we'll see how long they last before becoming a classic, reality show disaster.  I'll keep my eyes out for Craig, who is doing his own thing and riding the fame train as long as he can.  I also would love for Chris to be the Bachelor, I'm just not sure I can handle a season of having to watch him kiss a bunch of girls.  It's like Lorenzo Borghese all over again. 


In full transparency, I couldn't make it through the "After the Final Rose."  Forty-five minutes were reminders of what happened ten minutes ago.  Frank was a no show, and I wasn't in the mood to watch people being in love anymore.  And... if I'm going to perfectly honest, I needed to watch True Blood.


It's been a pleasure recapping the season and hearing all the great compliments and funny comments!  A special thanks to Craig for giving me major street cred around the water cooler at work for having a friend on The Bachelorette.   And thanks to all the loyal texters, Facebook wall posters and couch partners who provided excellent commentary and material throughout the season.


And what did I learn from this whole experience besides the fact that I'm awesome at judging people? I need to give up everything - my job and my apartment (hell, the latter won't be a problem at this point) - to find love ...


Leave your comments, questions and observations below!


Until the Bachelor Pad and beyond,
-HMOH