SIDENOTE: Why? Thursday

I ask a lot of the same questions.  Like why do I always have an umbrella when it doesn't rain and then have to buy a $12 one from Duane Reade that's about to break because it's raining and I'm sans protection?  Or why do some people get to be happy? (what?) Or why does the Summer prompt no time for the gym with massive eating and drinking binges, plus bikinis.   Some things I guess I'll just never know.  But in the meantime, I drop a few rando Thursday sidenoted questions for ya.

• Why would it be the case that my wedding invitation to Jess and Paul's wedding got returned to sender when I live legit across the street from them? And why did I put the response card back in the mail to be funny?
• How awkward is it when a cashier says, "enjoy" and you say "you too"?  You're not about to share your tuna melt with her.
• Why does seltzer water explode like every. single. time. you open a new bottle? 
• and why must I continue to write back to chain emails from the morning after a Tuesday night out and say "XX you were missed, my opportunity to stop into the pizza place under my building, however, was not."
• And why did someone at Groupon think this subject title was appropriate?  Besides the fact that backpacks are inappropriate always - this just seems like a really great deal only for a horndog high school boy.

• Why do homeless people feel like they can tell you they hope you get hit by a taxi? I just hope you get a job and some money to eat or buy drugs. 
• Why do you continue to write senseless stuff on Facebook and why haven't I defriended you earlier?
• Why are there consistently stories/emails/texts from my single ladies that confirm men are just undeniably ridiculous beings.  Like when a friend traveling on business had a chance meeting at the airport, was bought a cup of coffee (even she had to turn down a cocktail at 7am) and asked to make plans for the upcoming week.  How come after that she got a text message saying, "it was really great to meet you. Too bad we didn't have more time!"  it was followed up with "Too bad we aren't on the same flight. I've never had sex on a plane and quite frankly I wanted to tell u to go in the bathroom and take ur pants down lol... Ur hot!"
• And why can't people get UR and U'RE right?  I mean use proper English people.
• And no, she did not go on the date with him. It bothered me that wasn't a question also.

Alright, that will be all. Hope you have a questionably great Thursday, email subject line or in-transit encounter.  And of course, feel free to share them below. 

-HMOH

HMOH tip #0725: a stately gift idea

A genuine surprise is pretty difficult to pull off nowadays.  I know brides who have packed a "bridal shower" bag so that whoever is slyly transporting them to their shower can take the dress they'd like to be photographed in in tow.  Not Lacey, she modestly didn't even think that a trip out to New Jersey on Sunday would have her local friends waiting and a special surprise of her Mom flying in from Kentucky.

I carefully tried not to blow it because I was too excited by the gift I had found and customized.  Careful not to make it look cooler on Instagram until after the shower - I couldn't wait to share this unique and great gift idea here.

The couple (my cousin) is getting married in Versailles, KY (pronounced VER-SAIL-Z  because this is the South and not France y'all) this coming Fall.  In family tradition, giving the couple any sharp items requires that you are "paid" so as not to give bad luck.  With the acceptance of knives, scissors, etc., the bride must pay the giftgiver a penny.  But that doesn't count for the board you cut on (at least I don't think).  I opted for this AHeirloom cutting board with a heart over their wedding location and the engraved date.  I clearly expect to be served cheese on it at some point.

1/AHeirloom State Shaped Cutting Boards

Be it a bridal shower, housewarming, hostess gift, or say ... for my birthday or something ... this is a great gift idea if I do say so myself.  And I do.

 -HMOH

Let's get real.  This city might be hands down the worst city in the world to PMS in. On my way home from the office yesterday I almost let the waterworks roll and nearly cut a bitch or two.  But it's also the greatest to meet a best friend around the corner for a candlelit dinner to take the edge off. Sitting under an AC leak (NBD) so that the manager offered to buy our bottle of champagne and then getting a champ upgrade because the one we ordered wasn't cold enough didn't hurt the sitch [or the hormones] either.

So while you can't beat the "heat" every few weeks, you can be thankful for your greatest friends, that tomorrow's a new day ... and well, champagne.

-HMOH

HMOH homemaid: shrimp + bok choy dumplings

I could spend another post commenting on the freak factors I saw on my walk to work this morning, but I'm going to keep it positive.  Like about food and how awesome I am.

A few weeks ago my friends and I had a lovely little evening at Haven's Kitchen, the coolest cooking school in NYC.  We rolled up our sleeves and learned the ins and outs of Asian dumpling making and then gathered around a table to enjoy the fruits - ok, pork shumai- of our labor (see more here).  When the teacher lit a stove on fire to cook them, I simply asked how one does that in an NYC kitchen. Everyone laughed because I'm funny, but no ... seriously. 

Inspired to take my skills and apply then to my 75 ft not square kitchen and not burn the place down, I made my own variation last evening.  A real NYC kitchen, where I had to remove my dish drying rack and place it in the living room floor so I had another few inches of counter space.  Using no set recipe and groceries I picked up at a Korean grocery store this weekend, I winged it hard core.

Behold ...

STEAMED SHRIMP + BOK CHOY DUMPLINGS

You'll need: Prepared dumpling wrappers (buy at a specialty store), scallions (2 stalks), water chestnuts (half a can), baby bok choy (three heads), ginger root, uncooked shrimp (8 pieces).

how-to:  I finely chopped the ingredients I thought would go well together and placed them in a bowl.

Next, I sauteed them on my small ass gas stove so that the shrimp was cooked and the bok choy wilted.  I poured in a little (ok, prob a lot) soy sauce to give it flavor.

After the contents were cooked, I put them back into the bowl and drained the excess water... checked in on The Bachelorette Men Tell All, yep ... still stupid ... and got ready to roll.

Dumpling making is quite the craft and you need to be awesome at it.  I did much better in my class than in the comforts of my own home.  First, you dip your finger in water and wet the edges - sounds dirty right?  Take the left hand corner (right if you're a lefty) and fold in so the contents will stay.  Next you place your dumpling middle into the center and start to fold, press, fold, press.

Voila!  Dumplings ... ok, dumplings on crack.  Next I put them in my handy, dandy steamer (who needs a real kitchen when you have one of these bad boys, and cooked for about 15-20 minutes.  My bad, I lost track as I watched Chris cry AGAIN on the TV. 

Soy sauce drizzled and served with a side of seaweed salad (store bought, I'm not that awesome), I kicked back with my TV dinner stand, realized there was still another hour to go with Emily, and enjoyed.

-HMOH