Be what it may, I didn't exactly feel panicked by the pending storm. Can't say the same for the bride-to-be. Imagine this chick Irene was threatening to come to your wedding uninvited? People found out she'd be rolling through and cancelled last minute. And what if your maid of honor was a natural disaster … no, your real maid of honor. Best friend from home. A disaster.
I at least thought with the number of nuptials and bridesmaid duties behind me I'd have seen it all. I never expected to find myself in a hotel room on a wedding's eve telling the bride that there are worst things in life than having a hurricane threaten to ruin your reception, cancel your honeymoon flights and leave expected guests stranded and forced into last minute cancellations. I, through her tears and rants and my serious prayers to the wedding and hurricane gods, explained that things could definitely be worse. She wasn't buying it.
After insisting that the evacuation plan slipped under the hotel doors was bogus, I serenaded her with Bruno Mars' "Marry Me" and we started the day off with a smile. No TVs - the news and weather reports of "the end of the world" didn't exist as far as we were concerned. She was going to marry her best friend and the love of her life. No bitch Irene was about to ruin that. I mediated frantic calls from guests in NY … on the road from Baltimore … I got my hair half curled for an awesome $100 and prepared to look great in wedding photos. Everyone that could be was on their way, and Mother Nature wasn't about to stop this show.
Things could be worst we said. If we got stranded, the bridesmaids were organizing a sick game of manhunt, and guests were packing board games and "emergency supplies" of Doritos and Cheez-Its should we be forced to live in the hotel for a few days. Secretly, it didn't seem like the worst thing, and despite the media frenzy, we were confident that Irene would come and go. Apparently … so would the Maid of Honor.
Now, I knew this MOH was bat shit crazy. I could handle her nastygram emails with the best of them - nothing wine and a three-day response time to avoid saying things I'd regret wouldn't fix. I forgot the fact that she wasn't planning to give a speech at the wedding and I donned a smile with the bride's best interests in mind. But when Husband of Maid of Honor (not to be confused with HMOH) came into the salon on the wedding morning like a raging bull, I knew this was about to go down. This fool insisted that the wedding be cancelled or that the two of them were fleeing to safer grounds of the Upper East Side Manhattan (you know, the place that was currently being evacuated). With rollers in her hair, Maid of Crazy and hubby jumped in their car back home. She skipped out on the photos, wedding ceremony and reception. Rolled through town quicker than a category 3. This I can safely say, was something I'd never seen before.
I know what you're thinking. What? Seriously? Correct. Luckily, the bride and groom are loved by many and the wedding was absolutely amazing despite the shit storms. I woke up with licorice ropes in my bed (courtesy of the candy bar) and next to a room full of friends and charlie horses from dancing all night. We were back at a NYC diner by noon ... and lying in bed with pizza and the horrendous MTV VMAs through the evening.I'd say that if it's good luck when it rains on your wedding day, this marriage just won the lotto. I'd also say if Irene wasn't a fat girl's name, it'd be in the running for their first daughter.
Well, 4 weddings down, 3 more to go this year. Here's wishing the newlyweds and weddings that survived this past weekend nothing but sunny skies moving forward. And check out some great wedding photos here.
-HMOH
HMOH tip #901: People Not to Invite to Your Wedding
- Hurricane Irene
- Maid of Crazy
- Any cast member of the Jersey Shore
- Your exes
- Beyonce or any one who is about to announce she's pregnant by ripping open her tuxedo on your dance floor
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