sidenote: who cut the cheese?

Happy Fat Tuesday folks!  Yet another special day to celebrate being fat. A holiday much of America partakes in daily - and for me, my last hoorah with cheese.  That's right, you read it correctly ... and if you've known me for years you read it again.  Starting tomorrow, no cheese for 40 days. Slimming down in the name of god ... I'm selfless like that. Haven't been to church in ages, but the man above understands my commitment [read: trip to Miami and upcoming bachelorette bash in Puerto Rico].  

Why cheese? Because I'm an overachiever. Also because when I started this bet with friends my first year out of college I dropped mad pounds. Also because the bridesmaid dress I ordered is "true to size" and we all know how that's worked out for me in the past.  So I'll be cheese-less ... that's no party with Havarti, no gouda time, no making everything better with cheddar.  I will skip out of the coveted -itos: Doritos, Cheetos, Fritos ... and Cheddar goldfish (by the bible, original is still legit). I will not like it.  Neither will my friends, family and coworkers. And while I brainstorm what my last supper will be tonight (recommendations welcome), here are some other random thoughts this "holiday":

• After rave reviews, I had to hide Barbie from my Facebook newsfeed. Now that she's back with Ken her updates make me want to vomit. Seriously, grow up Barbie - no one wants to see how painstakingly happy you are.  You're not even real.
• You know you've had a rough week when you walk away from an out of town shopping excursion without any purchases ... and to cheer yourself up make your friends drive thru the McD's window for the first time in six years to pick up a strawberry milkshake and medium fries so you can say you bought something.  Bad day.
• Bad night.  When your 4 inch heel gets caught in the NYC sidewalk crack and stays there while your whole body projects forward.  Bad "the-morning-after."  You wake up with your knee three sizes larger, a huge wet spot from where you thought it was a good idea to fall asleep with a man-made ziplock ice pack, and outgoing text messages even Charlie Sheen would not deem #winning.
• Do you think there's a cheese out there writing about how much they're going to miss me for 40 days?
• Check out this PopSugar behind-the-scenes footage on the set of Kristen Wiig's Bridesmaids movie. It's being hailed the next "The Hangover", sharing the hard truths of being a bridesmaid. Amen sisters - should have called me up for some advice.  Coincidentally (and by coincidentally I mean thanks for stealing my idea), Annie Mumolo, co-writer, was inspired through her experiences as a professional bridesmaid.  She just started "logging in her head" what would eventually turn into the script ... so I'll just continue "blogging what's in my head" until they contact me for the sequel - "Bridesmaid, Again."

Your cheese may be gouda, but mine is feta. Over and out ... 

-HMOH