HMOH: best of 2010

If you know me you know I get serious anxiety over celebrating the New Year. No one has yet allowed me to live the dream of ordering in chinese food and drinking heavily until the ball drops - so it's on to having a great night out again this year.


There was "Clean Slate in '08", "Everything Fine in '09 … and to be honest I'm not sure what I committed to in '10. So with a new calendar year comes a time to reflect on all you've accomplished, f'd up, never said, said too much of, or started with the hopes of continuing into the next year. Anyways, let me get all philosophical here and share some valuable things I learned this year:

• Your parents are human, family is forever, sibling love is crucial, and friends are the family you chose for yourself.
• Break-up weight loss is not permanent, but neither is heartbreak.
• Engagements that don't lead to marriage will eventually lead to true happiness, and potentially to a road trip down the California coast.
• Be thankful you can share in the joy of marriage with your best friends. I loved being a special part in Kelsey and Will's big day, partaking in their wedding festivities (keg stands and all) and subsequently becoming famous on their wedding photographer's website.

• Drink before you give your MOH speech; stop drinking afterwards so you can remember the couple cutting the cake (still won't believe it happened).
• Don't take a date to a wedding, you never know who you'll meet.
• You are never too old for college football and tailgates.

• Sign your friend, Facebook friend, rando acquaintance or coworker up for The Bachelor/Bachelorette series. Show gets worse with each passing year, but is the shiz when a friend is on it.  
• People will share just about everything and anything on Facebook. I just clicked on an album titled "MacBook Air Unboxing" because I didn't believe it could be true.  Yep, 7 consecutive photos of taking a new MacBook out of the box. Step by miserable and unnecessarily captured (and posted) step. I signed up for a waste of time, fine, but "unboxing" isn't even a word. Ugh.
• Don't take for granted your "New York" - even if it's just staring out your window from your one room apartment and smiling at the view.  Do it if merely to tell your grandchildren their old g'ma was cool.

• Bitch will always be skinnier than you at the gym - but she's prob not as pretty, smart or cool.  And if she is, her front right tooth is def crooked or she has a lazy eye. Just saying.
• Relationships are work, friendship is work, staying in shape is work, but work is just work.
• Well, no shit. Old people weren't joshing when they said each passing year just feels shorter and shorter.  Guess it takes being an old one yourself to realize they were right.

Cheers to 2010, here's to 2011!

-HMOH


p.s. 2010 HMOH Totals (jealousy will ensue):

• Bridesmaid Dresses Purchased: 2
• Weddings Attended: 1 (you do the math)
• Engagements Celebrated: 7
• Save-the-dates Received: 4
• 2011 Weddings, To Date: 8
• Bridesmaid Dress Purchases Pending: 1
• 2012 Weddings, To Date: 1

happy holidays from HMOH

SIDENOTE: eat. drink. and be merry.

Oh hey. What? I'm busy. At least the few of you who have been checking in can rest assure I'm alive.  My very own, grown-up [real] tree is set up (Little Mermaid ornament front and center) and perfectly wrapped presents sit beneath it waiting to be opened ...  including the handbag I accidentally bought myself while shopping for family (Merry Xmas to me!).  

• In a bind to find her boyfriend a quick birthday present, a friend asked the HMOH for some ideas. 

• HMOH: What about one of those handmaid (sp) coupon books you made for your mom in 4th grade (e.g., "Do the Dishes Coupon") but with more rated R ones.
• Friend: Cute. But then I'd have to do what's on the coupon. Next.
• HMOH:  Lingerie?
• Friend: Too fat to go there right now. So do I buy him tequila or vodka?
• HMOH:  Either.
• When do my brothers get old enough to not want video games for the holidays?  I hope not anytime soon.
• I told my friend recently that I'm giving a speech at her wedding (no worries, she's not engaged nor has she been dating him for long) and it's going something like "I knew this was true love. It takes a real man to like a girl in Sketchers Shape-ups."

I've been out and about - traveling on business (LA>NY in 48 hours), entertaining, enjoying people in town and flat out being lazy.  It's hard to summarize two weeks of nonstop on-the-go, but let's give it a go.

• I recently had a conversation with a co-worker about how much it would suck to come back in life as an alarm clock.  You'd have to have done something terribly wrong to live again as the one thing everyone in this world hates most.
• Spoiler: not everyone in NYC is in the holiday spirit. Last week I was headed to a business meeting over drinks. I saw a cab's light pop on and I ran over to jump in.  A young lady busted in front of me and stole it. Clearly, I needed to confront the situation.  After she told me it was not my cab and explained that "anyone could be heading to a business meeting", she got inside.  I offered to help close the door, looked her in the eye and said "Have a Happy Holiday" (only slight sarcasm seeping through. fine. whatever.). I walked to my coworker to bitch her out behind her back.  Four secs later the taxi door opened and she got out, offering me the ride. Booya.
• You know that one time(s) when you accidentally drop a little crazy and then get called out on your shit? Yea, no. Me either. 

Busy little bee for sure, so I can promise you I have spent limited (read: no) time inside a workout facility.  I'm all about planning dinner after dinner with friends and inviting my double chin to join. No seriously, I asked for it to be added to the reservation on Monday.

• I seemed to have lost my gym bag over the weekend, thinking I might have left it in my office. Bust. Spent the day at work picking out new Nikes, deciding if I went iPod mini vs. shuffle and hating on myself for accidentally buying that new bag. Instead it was at the nail salon (whatever, so I got a mani instead of working out on Friday).  Picked it up, went to dinner, left it at dinner, ran back to retrieve, again. If that's not a "stay fat and keep your new handbag" sign, I'm not sure what is.
• Today at the gym the gal who stepped on the scale before me left the slider at her weight.  Bitch. She was a solid 12 lbs lighter than me, so I looked her up and down to figure out how.  Despite the fact that she was taller, here are the obvious reasons why:
• My boobs are bigger: +3lbs
• My newly acquired double chin: +2lbs
• Muscles. I must have more muscles and they weigh more than fat:  +2lbs
• She clearly has not drank for the past 12 days like I have: +4lbs
• Unlike me, she probably passed on the Christmas cookie today: +1lb
• I've taken to wearing elastic waisted pants for the sake of the season.  Then I saw an infomercial for these little miracles - do you love stylish, sexy jeans? um, ya! do you love soft, comfy bottoms? hell ya. Pajama jeans. On my Christmas list (take note Mom). Bahaha, just like a second set of skin. Wearing. to. Work. Every. Day.

  

Peace. Joy. Happiness. Yo.


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: jingle bell time is a swell time

It flurried here in NYC for the first time this season, so it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas ...

• It's also going to feel a lot like Christmas when I get my extremely overpriced 5 ft nothing tree off the streets of Chelsea and set it up so it shines with the Empire State Building behind it.
• In keeping with the holiday spirit, I tried to make a gingerbread house only to find out I didn't have the necessary ingredients ... you know, like a rolling pin or hand mixer.  This is what happens when it's not socially acceptable to register when you move into your own place.  
• On Saturday I burnt a bit of a hole in my credit card to do some holiday shopping (gifts for myself included).  I bought a snood (read: a hooded scarf; not to be confused with the popular computer game that helped me through a summer internship). Super fun accessory, but not as much fun as saying the word 'snood'.  Go on, give it a try.
• Our company office does some thoughtful things around the holidays.  A food drive for Thanksgiving, and "Winter Wishes" to help provide toys and wishes to local children in need.  I've clearly turned my "Winter Wish" into an adoption (I'm selfless like that).  My daughter asked simply for Santa to bring her a Hello Kitty doll and Hello Kitty sweater.  Well you know what Mariana?  Mommy's going to one up you with a Hello Kitty doll AND Hello Kitty tutu'd dress.  That's right baby.  You're going to be the best dressed little girl this side of the Hudson.  De nada.
• A recent, random Facebook poke made me think. What's the deal with the Facebook 'poke' and why haven't they done away with it when they introduced those confusing and awful new profile set-ups? If you or someone you know have been woo'd or interested in someone merely through a Facebook poke, please contact me.
• Over the weekend I stopped in HomeGoods to buy some extra holiday decorations.  I presented the cashier with, among other things, the tree skirt.  She asked me what it was, so I went on to explain.  She then paused, looked me over, smiled and told me I looked like a model or actress and sounded like her ... but couldn't quite put her finger on it.  Nooo, it wasn't Julia Roberts.. but who was it? She called in back-up, the cashier next to her, who said "yep, you definitely look like a model/actress".  The modest person I am was clearly loving every minute - wondering what awesome star she'd come back to say I resembled.  Customers next to me craned over to see if they could recognize me. I watched the cashier's wheels turning as she thought up who I might be ... and the light come on as she placed it.

• Cashier -"Ohhhh, yea. You're not going to like this."
• Whispering to coworker - "No way!"
• HMOH - "Go on, now you have to tell me."
• Cashier - "Well, I mean you look like a younger version of her."
• HMOH - "Do tell."
• Cashier - "A younger version of Lindsay Lohan, not when she's a crackhead. But you sound like her so much. You should go blonde."

While they went on to tell me the Beibs had just stopped by their HomeGoods, I took my shit and left the store wondering if it made sense to immediately jump into traffic.  I tried to figure out how old a younger version of Lindsay Lohan was - 14? 15? and did she really mean I look like her because I am soooo skinny?  Don't answer that.

Well, with that I've realized that I've got Christmas on the brain and am fully prepared to enjoy the festivities for the next coming weeks.  Holiday festivities, that is. Not to be confused with "festivities" my doppelganger, Lindsay Lohan, would partake in.

Happy Tuesday all.

-HMOH

thank you, thank you, thank you.

[YOU],


Thank you for clicking onto this site yesterday and reading Sarah's story. For donating ... thank you, thank you, thank you.

In not even 48 hours, Sarah's family and friends have raised more than their goal of $10,000 to help find a bone marrow match.  I would write each and every one of you a handwritten note (on pretty stationary) but consider this instead as my sincere appreciation for all the world (wide web) to see.

Wedding bells shall ring soon enough.  Love you Sarah and Charles!

-HMOH

will you marrow me?

Growing up in my high school days, one of my closest friends was Charles.  He was like Dawson and I was Joey .... you know, just in the sense that if I wasn't too lazy I would have climbed in and out of his windows instead of using the front door. Charles went off to college and met Sarah, a midwestern, Italian girl who knocked him off his feet pretty early on.  She's awesome.

When we were all finishing up our junior year of college abroad, Sarah was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (ALL).  A fighter with a great support system of family and friends, Sarah braved the cancer and beat the cancer.  Six and a half years later and this past summer, Charles popped the question - she said yes - and the two planned for a July 2011 wedding ... while I added another to my wedding list!

Last week Sarah was told the ALL relapsed and she will need to undergo chemo and a bone marrow transplant.  She's in good spirits but the sooner we find a match, the better!  Family and friends are hosting a bone marrow drive through Be the Match, a foundation that recruits donors for people in need of transplant.  Screening for potential donors unfortunately costs $100 a test, and so we're raising funds to make sure no one is turned away.

In the spirit of giving, please consider donating to "Marrow for Menoni" to help find a match for Sarah.  Let that beautiful bride-to-be get healthy so she can walk down the aisle and marry my best friend.  

Causes like this make me thankful I have this blog and supportive readers. If I can get just a few of you to donate, we've all helped. Thanks so much!

-HMOH