- Tough week at the office last week, which left limited time for competing in the office's Biggest Loser Club. Any free time I found was to chat with friends about how fat we're getting (seems to be the cool thing to do). I got a voicemail on Friday morning that said "Just wanted to call and let you know I'm a heffer. It's no joke - the scale said so." Another friend told me she was going to be a tub of lard for Halloween, I said it was weird because I was going as a cow. Got home to another belated birthday present from Missy - UnderArmour workout gear. read: "Happy belated birthday ... Fatty."
- For the past few days it's been difficult to decipher who was in their Halloween best, and who was wearing their Sunday best. Every day is Halloween in NYC.
- Speaking of which, I managed to pull together my Halloween costume before last night. With a group of Barbies in tow, I went as Molly, The American Girl. If you're from my generation - you know what I'm talking about. Girls these days; I tell ya. They can create these dolls to look exactly like them and then schedule a tea party and spend hundreds on new, cool outfits. When I was your age, I had only a few American Girl doll options. You got the colonial chick (Felicity), the pioneer girl (Kirsten), the rich bitch (Samantha), the slave (Addy) or the nerd with glasses (Molly). I choose Molly because she had brown hair like mine (and glasses) and everyone else was getting Samantha (I'm no follower). Samantha came with a four post bed, butler, parlour and fur mink cuffs. Molly had glasses and a dad away at war. In retrospect, bad choice.
- Anyways, dressed in my 12-year-old finest, I managed to slip down a flight of stairs at the bar last night (vintage doll in tow). I'm not talking "legs out from under you" slip down a few steps. I'm saying it was a "I would have called in a stunt double if on set" tumble. Apparently I "very gracefully" took two full flips before landing on my head with my legs in the air. Looks like the next few days are going to be a classic case of "guess where that bruise came from".
- Left with a lot of candy from the minimal amount of apartment trick-or-treaters (poor kids). Get this stuff out of here, because seriously ... my jeans are too tight. The kind of tight when you can totally zip them up but know that even after a long, hot shower - you're still going to emerge with the seams imprinted down your thighs. Seriously, you know what I'm talking about. Since I'm good at prolonging holidays (ehmm, my birthday), I'm going to try to ride out this Halloween thing and try dressing up as skinny for the next few months.
Hoping this Halloween parade quiets down soon!
Weekend. over.
-HMOH
Well, if you want a glimpse inside crazy - aka being a girl, here it is. This is one of those times I'll throw in a disclaimer for any guys reading. You can make it to the end to learn the point of the story - but it's going to require throwing up a little in your mouth first.
(12:12:58 PM) Friend: ok
(12:13:03 PM) Friend: i need u to talk me off a ledge
(12:13:03 PM) HMOH: yesss
(12:13:04 PM) Friend: asap
(12:13:05 PM) Friend: so
(12:13:06 PM) HMOH: go for it
(12:13:16 PM) Friend: the dress that i 100% want to be my bridesmaids dress is on sale at Gilt
(12:13:20 PM) Friend: mind you IM NOT ENGAGED
(12:13:23 PM) HMOH: hahaha
(12:13:25 PM) HMOH: ok
(12:13:28 PM) Friend: i am seriously contemplating buying 6 of them
(12:13:31 PM) Friend: thats retarded right? ...
(12:13:38 PM) HMOH: um ok let's discuss
(12:13:41 PM) Friend: in the sugar plum color
(12:13:47 PM) Friend: like that is the exact one
(12:14:15 PM) HMOH: looking now
(12:14:28 PM) HMOH: gorgeous
(12:14:30 PM) Friend: its one of those two birds dresses
(12:14:32 PM) HMOH: yep
(12:14:34 PM) Friend: you can tie it a million different ways
(12:14:37 PM) HMOH: love them
(12:14:39 PM) HMOH: ok
(12:14:39 PM) Friend: and i want everyone to tie it however they want
(12:14:40 PM) HMOH: so let's discuss
(12:14:53 PM) HMOH: 1) what's sizing on these things look like
(12:14:59 PM) Friend: i have it in my head that i would never ask someone to pay more than 200 for a dress
(12:15:01 PM) HMOH: because you could prob sell on ebay
(12:15:10 PM) HMOH: ok but 250-300 is the usual and expected
(12:15:14 PM) Friend: so if i buy them from a store...i would have to put in money
(12:15:20 PM) Friend: sizing is one size fits all
(12:15:25 PM) Friend: no alterations
(12:15:27 PM) Friend: thats the beauty of it
(12:15:42 PM) Friend: should i just buy one?
(12:15:45 PM) Friend: and i can always keep it?
(12:15:54 PM) HMOH: well how much is the discount on gilt?
(12:15:56 PM) Friend: oh my head is spinning
(12:16:03 PM) HMOH: ok this is so easily done
(12:16:07 PM) HMOH: here's the argument
(12:16:07 PM) Friend: it says that they cost 290 usually (ive seen them for 270)
(12:16:15 PM) Friend: gilt...169!!!!
(12:16:18 PM) HMOH: ok
(12:16:20 PM) HMOH: so here's what i say
(12:16:32 PM) Friend: but i realize that im crazy and im not engaged
(12:16:34 PM) Friend: haha
(12:16:35 PM) HMOH: if you're 100% certain that this is the dress you would want - WHENEVER your wedding may be
(12:16:47 PM) HMOH: like there is no way you would change your mind
(12:16:55 PM) HMOH: and you know who you're bridesmaids are
(12:17:00 PM) Friend: i mean i can never say that without a doubt ya know?
(12:17:04 PM) Friend: i know who my bridesmaids are
(12:17:12 PM) HMOH: right - these are the dresses you could prob sell for more on ebay
(12:17:17 PM) HMOH: since they're really popular right now
(12:17:22 PM) HMOH: so that's the only thing iw ould allow you to do
(12:17:23 PM) Friend: very very true
(12:17:35 PM) Friend: but the only thing that i woudl be hesitant about is the color
(12:17:39 PM) Friend: i love this color
(12:17:43 PM) HMOH: but i dont know protocol of buying before you get engaged
(12:17:44 PM) Friend: but what happens if i see a color i like better
(12:17:48 PM) HMOH: right
(12:17:50 PM) Friend: yeah probably bad luck right?
(12:17:51 PM) Friend: ok
(12:17:53 PM) Friend: its a no go
(12:17:53 PM) Friend: omg
(12:17:55 PM) Friend: i cant believe that
(12:18:17 PM) HMOH: plum is sold out
(12:18:18 PM) HMOH: it's a sign
(12:18:30 PM) HMOH: usually you'll pick the colors of your wedding then decide on bridesmaid dress color
(12:18:44 PM) HMOH: AND remember that all your friends are going to love this kind of dress and re-wear it - so they won't mind
(12:19:28 PM) Friend: phew ok
(12:19:43 PM) Friend: brb now i have to run an errand
(12:19:45 PM) HMOH: ok
(12:19:47 PM) HMOH: glad i could help
Now, if you made it this far, you're probably a girl or a guy who still can't believe that just happened. Regardless, I can now tell you that while Friend was panicking and asking me all these questions about what a girl's to do when she's not engaged but wants bridesmaids dresses, I was freaking out because, well, she was getting engaged the following night. Was I bad friend for not just telling her to buy it? As I called her soon-to-be fiancée and he assured me she was crazy and would change her mind, we simultaneously had my friend Lauren who works at Gilt email her designer and ask how we could get 6 of the sold out dresses on hold for our friend. In my mind, I went from worst friend ever, to best person on earth.
Longer story, short - Friend is now officially hitched and can begin to plan (well publicly plan) for her wedding and bridesmaids dresses without worrying about bad luck or jinxing fate. She didn't go on to order the dresses ... but something tells me she'll continue to go on being insane :)
-HMOH
Hoping this Halloween parade quiets down soon! 
