i am thankful for ...

Happy Turkey Day all!  Since I spend the majority of my time writing what I do not appreciate at all (men not offering their seats on the subway, tailgating in dresses, weddings on holiday weekends ... sorry), let's take a moment to reflect on all the joys in my life that remind me I'm extremely blessed.  

I'm thankful for:

• my brothers.  They are hands down my favorite people on earth.
• my parents ... despite their crazies, they'll always love me unconditionally.
• my family, their health, my puppy, my blankie.
• my grandmother (bless her soul) who with dementia has become the life of the party. Apparently she's moved from asking my mom if I have a boyfriend ... to asking if I'm pregnant.
• my friends. My rocks that have seen me through some tough times, but also the nuts that made the best of times what they were. My life is lived with my friends.
• their emails and text messages like the ones this morning - "In case you were wondering, I was at a strip club last night." or "Happy Thanksgiving! I went out last night, met a boy, have been throwing up all day and definitely lost 5 lbs from it. Take that scale! xoxo."
• those serving our country so I can be home eating Thanksgiving dinner with my family.
• the fact that Beauty and the Beast is on right now and my T-day wine buzz has died down enough for me to thoroughly enjoy it.
• Penn State tailgates that start at 7:30 a.m. with a mimosa and end with Papa John's pizza and a hangover ... at 6 p.m.  
• the ban on Four Loko, which I tried at last weekend's PSU tailgate.  Been there, done that, no reason that should be legal. 
• more happy couples getting married! My friend Matt recently popped the question to his g/f.  He held up his end of the deal by texting me our secret code that would signal it had happened.  I sucked by missing the text while I was napping off the Four Loko (and mid-morning blackout, see above).  
• the gym being up the block and Thanksgiving being a total excuse to skip the workout and eat your daily caloric intake ... in one bite.
• feeling so full you're going to die; leggings.
• it being completely acceptable to start playing holiday music now, even if "All I Want For Christmas" secretly comes onto your iPod's "gym" playlist year round.
• Facebook (see also: Things I'm Not Thankful For)
• Gossip Girl, hip hop classes, Modern Family, Pinkberry, Jon Hamm, bread people.
• Love Actually, Christmas trees, visitors and another year to look forward to ...
• my readers and the internet; for letting me rant, rave and share nonsense, for sending compliments and providing content (intentionally or unknowingly) ... and keeping me going.

I am thankful.  

-HMOH

SIDENOTE: tis the season

Oh well hello.  Apologies for having a job and late nights at the office - and not bringing my A-game.  Since we last met (yea, you know ... last week) I feel like we're fully into the winter/holiday season (despite a high of 60 today).  Even if the city isn't yet decorated in its festive finest, the days are flying by and every time I hear a client deadline is "end of the month" I realize that's next week.  The Rockefeller Tree is on its way down from upstate New York.  Lots of good food, family, visitors and fun in the coming weeks ... and I'm trying to slow it down a bit! 

• I google imaged (totally a verb) "holly" to get this fine clipart and make this festive. The only images that came up were of that Playboy chick. 
• On Tuesday, HMOH got her groove back at a hip hop class.  Prior to heading into the studio I watched a Step class wind down and a man pop out to propose to his girlfriend.  Now I know beggars can't be choosers, but all I could think about was how mortified I'd be if I were captured sweaty and in spandex for my engagement photos.  Then I saw the ring and decided I wouldn't care.
• Is it cool that I found a picture of my emaciated body after a break up - circled my back rib cage, added an arrow and made it the background of my computer for motivation?  Don't you dare judge me ... of course it's cool.  It's not cool that when telling my best friend what I had done she said, "yea, even though I know you were in a dark place ... I hated you for being that skinny."  
• Yesterday morning I got a text that said "I'm dying, it was nice knowing you." and an im that said "I'm going to throw myself out the window or slit my wrists ... whatever is fastest." Like I said, "tis the season".
• A friend at work sent me a link to view a super adorable Ralph Lauren sweater ... for infants.  I asked if there was something she needed to tell me.  She reminded me that in order to be "with child", one has to have been "with men".  Touche.
• Headed this weekend to see "Miss Abigail's Guide to Dating, Mating and Marriage" on Broadway, starring Eve Plumb of The Brady Bunch.  And by on Broadway, I mean off-off Broadway.  I'll let you know if I learn anything important - but something tells me I'm going to want to get up on stage and contribute after my all-you-can-drink brunch.
• Funny videos pass my way often - especially working in media.  Check out this adorable 5-year-old as she puts to use those great morals her parents taught her:  Always do for family, and never be caught under-dressed when the ambulance shows up.
• Here's another awkward video of a 25-year-old who puts to use those great morals her parents taught her:  Always say thank you after a much older man buys you a beer.

Wow, sooo ready for the weekend.  Catch ya on the flipside!

-HMOH

pretty damn euphoric it's friday in NYC

I saw that NYCers (including myself) posted the shit out of this awesome blog post yesterday - 50 Reasons to Be Pretty Damn Euphoric You Live In New York City.  As cheesy as it sounds, this list was perfect.  Perfect because I get butterflies every time I fly back into the city, and perfect because it confirmed it's socially accepted here to act like you're in college well into your mid-life crisis.  Perfect because I TOTALLY have my spot on the subway platform where I wait for the door to open up right in front of me and take me right to where the stairs are when I'm getting off. 


Perfect because after lovin' on my city and posting this for all of the Facebook world to see ... I headed down to the subway station to "prewalk" to that perfect subway spot.  Sporting a fever and a pending, two-year-old's temper tantrum, I paused to let a girl pass so I wouldn't poke her in the eye with my umbrella. I heard the snarling comment from the woman behind me (she's clearly pretty damn euphoric to be here) ... and the following transpired: 

• NYC bitch: "Excuse me, we're getting wet." 
• Feverish HMOH (under her breath):  "I didn't want to poke her in the eye."  
• NYC bitch again: "Excusseeee me, what did you say?"  
• HMOH (verge of tears):  "I didn't want to poke her in the eye."  
• Man from the Peanut Gallery:  "So we should all get wet?"  

You're so right sir.  You should be saved for waiting 4 seconds in the rain and potentially having your hair frizz, and this young lady should have just one eyeball.  I busted out hysterically crying, wiping snot on my ugly sweater (it was that kind of day).  Jussttttt perfect ... because as much as I love New York, I f'ing hate it too.


Forget NYC, I can not stand people (all over the country) who feel they can 'reply all' to informational corporate emails, knowing perfectly well there are going to be up to 200 people on that listserve that don't care your cousin Sally lives in Maine with her 16 kitties.  Thanks dude for sharing ... with the entire company.


And while I'm on this soapbox, there is no soap in our girl's bathroom at work.  Hasn't been for a few days.  Girls have just given up on trying for the pump and walk outside to the Purrell dispenser to desanitize.  When we asked the bathroom attendant how we get some soap, she replied with "Call someone."  I'm confused. If you can't call the bathroom attendant for soap, who can you?


Perfect because truly, if you can make it here - you can make it anywhere. I'm not sure where I'm going, but at least I made it to Friday!


-HMOH

HMOH: i'm up 4

Up 4 having an awesome weekend???  Not up 4 posting it to your Facebook status for all 1,300 of your fake friends to see and comment on?  Check out imup4, a new social tool that helps you find friends in your network that are up to do the same things. Users simply tell the system what they are up for -- for example, “drinks tomorrow night” -- and the system will alert them about which of their friends are up for the same thing. Users can create plans, or “Avails,” by email, via Twitter, through the website, or the iPhone app.  Download the app for free here! 


ATTENTION PSU'rs  - you'll be helping a fellow alum out by getting involved, and getting your friends involved!

I'm going to speak to them about adding in options like I'm up 4 "a bridal shower AGAIN", "being a bridesmaid AGAIN", "not going away for the holiday because of another wedding AGAIN".  But in the meantime, I'm up 4 having this week be over, for getting a good night's sleep and a solid workout in, for a wine and pajama party tomorrow night and for sharing the following randomness that floods my brain (enough to make me creepily laugh out loud at myself):

• My high school/college boyfriend wore Jean Paul Gaultier cologne.  I was obsessed (it was cool back then). I could drink it in. The only people I find that wear it around here these days are NYC taxi drivers and thugs wearing matching Hanes sweatpants and sweatshirts.  This is a bit of a problem when I find myself inching closer on the subway ... or wanting to ride shotgun in a cab. Yea, I'm just going to go ahead and jump in the front with ya Mohammad.
• In an effort to delete her ex boyfriend from her life (i.e., Facebook), a friend accidentally signed up for text alerts every time he posts.  
• I'm torn about whether I need to get the flu shot.  Being the hypochondriac that I am, I currently think I have a bout of mono, swine flu and malaria.  But these are "all in my head" diseases that don't have proper symptoms and I don't feel right calling in sick.  Now am I really trying to avoid the flu where I can actually be in bed all day watching movies?
• "Employees Must Wash Hands" signs really irk me.  No, Everyone Must Wash Hands. Everyone.

 -HMOH

SIDENOTE: all in a day's work

• My new mouse pad smells toxic.  If my job wasn't killing me before, my office supplies are now.
• I'm not a political person.  It's unfortunate that I just can't get myself to be interested, despite how important I know it is and how it goes on to affect me.  You know what affects me?  All these damn random phone calls from North Dakota and Montana area codes telling me how awful the opposing candidates are.  Calls that come about two to three times a day and leave me pre-recorded, "approved by" messages. Naive and vain as it sounds ... politics are affecting my AT&T minutes.
• You know what gets me through the day?  Email chains.  Email chains from funny people. Professionals at work that take a hot second to send a note or a well thought out powerpoint presentation.  Like Carlyn, a government worker, who turned this morning's emails into a fun guessing game.  She sent a note to a select group with this photo, offered $20 to the person who guessed what it was first and asked us to send through our answers.  Go on, give it a try ... 

What'd you go with?  Guesses - from other offices and cubicles around the country  - included two aliens about to bone, cleavage from an Octoberfesh frock and a garter belt on a man.   Hey, it was just Halloween right? She wasn't up for clues, but did inform us that the photo was taken at the "Rally for a Reason" in DC this weekend.

Promising to send through the answer by 5:00 p.m., she couldn't wait any longer for the big reveal and distributed the following in (albeit sloppy and not work-appropriate) ppt format.  

This lady has got some reason, and Carlyn clearly has some free (and much appreciated) time on her hands [says the girl who just blogged about this from her office].  And there you go folks.  America, your tax dollars hard at work and the small good deeds that allow me to get through an otherwise uneventful Monday at the office.

Thanks for playing.

-HMOH