HMOH weekend sign off

I'm calling it the weekend already and signing off until Monday, when I hope the majority of guests will have returned with their pride and dignity not too far behind them.



-HMOH

SIDENOTE: 2010 Top Ten Most Stressful Jobs

Yesterday on a sales call when the vendor inappropriately dove into his whole life story and tried to sell me on a media tour, I politely declined and simultaneously assured him everything happens for a reason.  One thing I did listen to was the fact that CareerCast.com recently released 2010's Top Ten Stressful Jobs.  Lucky for me, "public relations officer" was number eight on the list.  Pretty sure they went with PR "Officer" because it fit much better with the other top 5, including firefighter, police officer and highway patrol officer


The article takes a scientific approach to how they ranked the top ten out of a chosen twenty.  Since I think humor trumps science any day - let's take a closer (and obnoxious) look at the 10 top most stressful jobs of the year, and apologize in advance for anyone I might offend.

1. Firefighter - burning buildings, cats in tree, sliding down pole without getting a major crotch wedgie, saving lives = stressful

2. Senior corporate executive - cheating the SEC, allocating inappropriate bonuses to other top executives without getting caught = stressful

3. Taxi driver - dealing with as*hole New York drivers and then the ones in your back seat while simultaneously trying to catch up with your cousin in Bangladesh on your handsfree phone = stressful

4. Surgeon - cutting, slicing, choosing the right organ to snip, saving lives, making sure Heidi Montag's face doesn't fall off = stressful

5. Police officer - potential to be shot every day, chasing the suspect, checking subways for abandoned duffel bags = stressful

6. Commercial pilot - taking off without a delay, dealing with passengers who just learned they need to pay for their overhead bag, landing safely (even if it's on the Hudson River) = stressful

7. Highway patrol officer - pulling over the d*ickhead going 95 in a 65 zone, potentially chasing the white Bronco down the freeway = stressful

8. Public relations officer  - meeting deadlines that were yesterday, dealing with hostile media , defusing the awesome reputation of automobile makers, senior corporate executives and Tiger Woods, agonizing over the fact that Stephen Baldwin is now on Gossip Girl, dealing with a majority estrogen filled office space where all your colleagues' cycles are synced up to yours, trying hard to remember if you wore this dress more than two weeks ago so you can wear it again, attempting to have your parents understand what you do for a living = STRESSFUL

9. Advertising executive - mimicking Mad Men characters because they are WAY cooler, trying to sell a product and reach the shrinking population of Americans who don't have digital cable and the luxury of fast forwarding = stressful

10. Real estate agent - really?!?

Don't see your profession here?  Then stop complaining. 


-HMOH

and what did you do tonight?

no seriously, what'd you do tonight?

-HMOH

HMOH tip #428: rent the runway (or aisle)

If you're not yet a fan or member of Rent The Runway (RTR), I suggest you try to get invited (email me for details). I like to think of myself as RTR VIP because my friend Ashley does their awesome Web design.  Today I got an email from the site that caught my attention:  Wedding Weekend Style.

RTR solves the age old problem of "having nothing to wear" - which for me translates to "having nothing I want to wear".  How does it work? First you browse through their A-list designers (those you wish you could rock but may not have the guts to splurge) and choose the outfit for you.  You schedule a delivery date - could be a wedding, your 30th birthday, or another special occasion -and your dress PLUS a back-up size will arrive.  Wear the dress, get a million compliments, don't worry about being tagged in too many FB pics (no one will see this one again) and then plan to put your dress in a pre-packaged mailer and drop it in the nearest mailbox.  They even take care of the dry cleaning.  A $1,000 Moschino will run you about $150, a $500 Helmut Lang only $75 - and you can probably guarantee no one else will show up wearing it!


Why not pick out a dress for any upcoming bachelorettes, bridal showers, rehearsal dinners or weddings? 


-HMOH

let the countdown begin.

It's Wednesday, I may or may not have a slight wine-induced headache, and I'm about over the work week and ready for the weekend.  Except this weekend is Kelsey's highly anticipated bachelorette party.  location - TBA.  itinerary - TBA. headcount - more than you think.


it's been a while since my crew of gals wrecked havoc together - because we're older and more mature (LIE).  we actually coordinated a throwback college reunion recently where after non-stop binge drinking and 3:00 am cheese platter indulging, I found myself at a bar on a Sunday being told "knock, knock" jokes by a 45-year-old divorcée.  


anyways - I can't wait to share details, stories and how it all came together ... but for now, let the countdown begin.


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: heard from the couch (sunday funday edition)

"Come on guys, I'm really trying to go see the King Tut exhibit."

"King Tut?"

"Yea, you know the famous Egyptian king.  He's in town."

"So is Obama.  He's on the Lower East Side."

we didn't make it off the couch to see the child king. instead i sat bewildered that the Frontier Diner didn't have matzoh ball soup or muenster cheese (and you call yourself a diner) or that Ethos, a Greek restaurant, was out of chicken lemon soup (can't a girl just get some soup) ... but needless to say - Obama likely hopped a plane back to DC but King Tut is in NYC until January, and I'm planning to go check it out.

seriously, a tea kettle? let me break it down for you (again)

With summer weddings just around the corner, many of the upcoming weekends will be spent at bachelorette parties and bridal showers (or a combination of the two).  That means you're combing the registries and deciding what you're going to sign on to buy.  I pulled a classic the other day when I ordered a bridal shower gift and realized 5 minutes after my credit card had been charged that I already bought one for that couple.  Apparently for me - money ain't a thang.


Here are a few thoughts that may or may not have crossed my mind (and others like reader, Jessica) when it comes to registries, bridal showers, bachelorettes, etc.  Feel free to add your own in the comment section.


REGISTRY/GIFT BUYING

• Hmmm, I love you so much - but not $300 worth much.  So I hope you are cool with me purchasing one fork, one knife and half a spoon.  I'll pray your rich aunt and uncle get you the rest of the set - otherwise, you may want to hold off on dinner parties for a little.
• Oh yea, because you're going to actually be baking something with this cake tray.  I lived with you in college - the only thing you know how to bake you can't register for. 
• A tea kettle?  Is a tea kettle seriously the only thing on here that's left for me to order?  Well I hope every morning, when you take your hot, freshly brewed teacup to your porch swing, you think of me and how much you owe me.
• Man, I could really use a new Kate Spade knife set too.  When is it cool to register yourself without being engaged?  

BRIDAL SHOWERS

• Ohhhh awesome white plate.  Woowwww, amazing serving dish.  A silver heart picture frame - how DID you know?  
• Only 16 more presents to unwrap, display, and call out who bought it  ... shouldn't be too much longer.

BACHELORETTE PARTY

• I hope the "Mini Pecker" party trays I ordered are big enough for the snacks we got.  Another example. Size does matter.
• I'm going to try to keep this classy so that nothing too incriminating lands on Facebook.  But seriously, I'm totally due for a new profile pic. 
• Don't plan to wear this new dress again.  It's going to be tagged all over the 'book and so I can't be seen in it in the near future ... at least not for the next few months. 

[SIDENOTE:  While purchasing my new outfit for Kelsey's bachelorette party this coming weekend, I tried on a dress that I loved.  I did the test - you know the one where you throw your hands in the air and jump around to see if your ass will hang out?  Well it nearly passed the test. The saleswoman was like "I mean, don't worry - will you really be dancing like that?" Um, YES - but I said "No, of course not." and bought it anyways.]

going wild this weekend

countdown to the weekend.  tomorrow I'm hitting up the Run For the Wild 5K at the Bronx Zoo.  I'm doing it for the monkeys ... and I can promise you this lil monkey (anndddd, creepy) will be blasting - on repeat -on my iPod.

HMOH tip #423: you don't know jack?

well you should.  preorder your cards - anniversary, birthday, wedding, thank you - in advance at this awesome site: JackCards.com (special thanks to Tanya for enlightening me!)

Great to make sure you're on top of your game and far more personal than someecards or a singing online greeting.  Take the time to fill in your friends' and family's info and Jack Cards will send an actual printed greeting card with your personal message in time for the specific date or event.


For the bride-to-be the site suggests getting her a gift certificate.  She can put in all the wedding/bridal shower/bachelorette party guests' info and not worry about her thank you's - they'll all be signed, sealed and delivered.  One thing off her to-do list, made possible by you.


Prices vary but are comparable to a trip to the Hallmark store.  Here are some of my favorites to put in your skew for weddings, etc.

-HMOH

how to become mrs. purdue

glamour.com's "Save The Date" blog, subtitled "FOR BRIDES (AND THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THEM)" is something that was just shared with me.  I don't like to say I'm surfing the wedding sites, but seeing as if I'm now a self-proclaimed professional bridesmaid, I might as well do some market research.


If you feel you've tried everything like making your computer homepage Tiffany's, or photoshopping your faces into a really great "mock" wedding photo, or saying you are a born-again virgin until you're engaged ... according to the staff at Glamour, you're clearly not trying hard enough.  You need to be making Engagement Chicken.


The article claims this charmed recipe has been passed around for 26 years now.  It all started when a then-fashion Glamour editor gave the recipe to an assistant.  She cooked it for her boyfriend and was engaged a month later (they now have three kids).  It's tried and tested (who knew!) and if you're like a few of my friends waiting on a sparkler, it might be worth a shot.


A recent blog post asked for readers to write in on the success of making Engagement Chicken.  I very much appreciated the first comment (what to try when the poultry doesn't work), but apparently girls are putting this tactic in their back pocket.


I'm not sure what I can offer if your man is a vegetarian, vegan or alektorophobic (chicken of chicken) ... but let me know if you try this out and need me to be your bridesmaid!


Engagement Chicken

Serves 2 to 3 (if you're into that)

• 1 whole chicken (approx. 3 lb.)
• 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
• Kosher or sea salt
• Ground black pepper
• 2 lemons, plus 1 for garnish
• Fresh herbs for garnish

Place rack in upper third of oven and preheat to 400°F. Remove giblets, wash chicken inside and out with cold water, then let it drain, cavity down, in a colander until it reaches room temperature (about 15 minutes). Pat dry with paper towels. Pour lemon juice all over the chicken (inside and outside). Season with salt and pepper. Prick two whole lemons three times with a fork and place deep inside the cavity. (Tip: If lemons are hard, roll on countertop with your palm to get juices flowing.) Place bird breast-side down on a rack in a roasting pan, lower heat to 350°F and bake uncovered for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and turn it breast-side up (use wooden spoons!); return it to oven for 35 minutes more. Test for doneness--a meat thermometer inserted in the thigh should read 180°F, or juices should run clear when chicken is pricked with a fork. Continue baking if necessary. Let chicken cool for a few minutes before carving. Serve with juices. Garnish with fresh herbs and lemon.

so dudes read this too

For every bridesmaid and Maid of Honor, there’s a groomsman and Best Man. Often clueless and in need of handholding, they still play a big role in the special day.  I believe a good friend recently said the following of being a groomsman:

The bridesmaid’s job is to keep the bride happy on her wedding day.  The groomsman’s job is to make the bridesmaid happy, and then try to take her home.

The reason for this post?  I got the following email from a reader (who wishes to remain anonymous):

Subject:  Men's Guide to Weddings

Hola Handmaid-

I was hoping for some guidance for all the dudes - some Do's and Don’ts when it comes to attending and preparing for weddings.  I think we all could use a little modern day advice as to attire appropriateness, acceptable gifts (engagement/wedding), basically rules to follow so we don't get exiled by the fiancé from hanging out with the Lost Soldier post-nuptial.  Enlighten us!

Yours,

Bewildered Bro'

__________________

Bewildered Bro’,

Keep reading – I’ll make sure the male readers and wedding guests are allowed over for fantasy draft night, etc. You may not think you have to deal with the Bridezilla, but wait until you get the email with the Excel grid detailing your wedding weekend minute-by-minute. With wedding season in full effect it’s time to read up on what to do  - and more importantly what not to do.  For starters, if you’re clueless about an engagement or wedding gift – go with the registry.  The bride picked everything on there and so you can’t mess up (she may have even let the groom scan a thing or two).  You can find where a couple is registered on their wedding Web site, on the save-the-date, or very likely, on the bride’s Facebook page next to her wedding countdown app.


-HMOH

AND for those who have some good tips for guys attending weddings, feel free to post comments and suggestions here.  If you have questions you want addressed email handmaidofhonor@gmail.com.  You will remain anonymous … unless want to admit you have a sensitive side and see how many of the girls reading this email me for your number.


HMOH CASTING CALL:  To my many male friends that like to pretend they don’t read this, but know I’m too funny not to … I’m looking for guest bloggers who want to share their tips or “lessons learned” from being on the other side of the bridal party.  

real simple: 150 true friends

Read this in the current issue of Real Simple:

150. The maximum number of friends a person can keep up with, according to anthropologist Robin Dunbar.  And that holds for the social-media world: Dunbar recently completed a related study confirming that no matter how many online "friends" you have, you can really have only 150 true ones.

Now.  I'd like to get this Dunbar fellow started on a study to see how many of those 150 true friends could make you a bridesmaid ..


-HMOH

SIDENOTE: let me break it down for you

• Last night I downloaded a Justin Beiber song, and liked it.  Sure in my mid-twenties I still could have gave birth to him, but man can he sing. Which leads me to my next point ... 
• 16 and Pregnant is quality television and makes me feel really good about my life.
• There is nothing more rewarding than concocting an awesome grouping of ingredients to make the perfect salad.  I did this afternoon and felt accomplished for the rest of the day (despite the fact that my chosen items brought my salad to a $12 pricetag)
• Traveling for work this week.  I really enjoy showing my New York ID at airports/hotels/etc so the staff knows there’s a reason for my trip to Ohio and it’s not because I live there …
• The scale in my hotel room said I weigh 10 lbs less than the one at the gym.  Can I keep it?

-HMOH

HMOH tip #419: heard you got engaged

I once found an amazingly funny card that read something along the lines of, “I heard you got engaged” and the inside said, “Bitch.”  I swear I need to work for Hallmark.

With wedding season in full swing, it also means that engagements are all the rage (if I had a nickel for every engagement in the past few weeks ...) There was a time when they were more spaced out, but I’ve reached a point where years have passed and engagement news is what I like to call ... “Saturday.” Regardless, it’s very exciting to hear that a friend will be planning a wedding and it’s nice to be around them when they’re floating on Cloud 9.

 

Back when popping the question for my friends was a new thing - like paychecks, working with a hangover, utility bills and changing your Facebook status to "in a relationship" - the news was earth shattering; in a good way.  I’d imagine it’s like our parents claim they felt when JFK was assassinated, you will never forget where you were (I mean maybe you will, but I’m being dramatic here. Go with it).  When we learned that Missy had gotten engaged we were cruising in the back of an open Jeep Wrangler driving around LBI on the Jersey Shore.  We all started screaming and crying (fist pumping wasn’t invented yet).

Or, since Will’s first gift to Kelsey in college was a piece of wood signed by a “world renown Lumber Jill”* (questionable; he had to prove his worth before we allowed them to continue dating) … our first question after they got engaged was to confirm that he had remembered to get a diamond and not some Indian turquoise.  Missy and I had scoped out flights in case we needed to make the trip to Houston for a Ben & Jerry’s kind of weekend – but as expected (well, kind of) he pulled through and the ring sparkles.

Engagement parties may or may not follow the announcement and there’s also the bridal shower for gift gifting.  If you're like me - a registry is practical but nothing beats personal gifts.  For close friends (one you perhaps will be a MOH for) the following are great, thoughtful ways to send your best upon engagement news:

• Year subscription to Brides magazine - gets the Bride up on the newest trends, styles and how much this is going to cost
• Martha Stewart Keepsake Wedding Planning Binder - ringed binder to help organize (LOVE organization) the bride-to-be and get started on all the nitty gritty that comes with planning a wedding; includes plastic pages for business cards, clippings, etc.
• Family Labels – great for couples who cohabitate (with NYC rent it’s pretty much a given here); you’re able to personalize labels for the bride-to-be and groom.  So useful since they’ll be sending tons of thank you’s over the course of the next year. Check out their wedding ones here.
• and my favorite: Personalized pillows - I got Kelsey and Will this one here (below) from Etsy.com.  It was a little smaller than I would have liked, but I love the concept and it was all too *fitting for the engaged couple. 

 

-HMOH

ready to carrie on

College Spirit Day

I'm so excited because my friends and I are currently planning a big flock to the South when two storied football programs meet again for the Bama vs. PSU game on September 11.  Lucky for us we have two native Bamans to show us the ropes ... and I'm hoping that the Lions can hold their own (a girl can dream).  With a strong combination of some Yankee attitude and a little Southern charm - throw in a party bus tailgate, Firefly, American Honey Shots (still going to need to learn what those are) and school spirit - I'm thinking it's going to be better than having Artisinal's macaroni and cheese for dinner (with a side of pizza and french fries) AND having the waiter tell you it's 100% fat-free.

So one of our gracious hosts for the game, Alabama slammer and reader, Jennie sent in the above photo (thanks!) from the current issue of Southern Living.  Poll:  What is the most essential part of a Southern wedding?

• 33 percent responded "DOZENS OF BRIDESMAIDS"
• 37 percent responded "AN OBEDIENT GROOM"
• 30 percent responded "PLAYING AN SEC FIGHT SONG"

If you asked the same question here in the Tri-State area I'm pretty sure you wouldn't net out with the same answers (except for the Obedient Groom one) ... BUT while we're on the subject - it seems "Southern class" includes playing your college fight song at the reception.  I spend many a Saturday showing school spirit, but I'm pretty sure (I know) I couldn't make it a wedding theme.  But judging by the massive amounts of photos that come up when you Google image "Penn State Wedding" ... there seems to be plenty of people who play Zombie Nation at their party.


Big Ten is still defending its superiority in the NCAA and SEC gets all the glory.  I'm not drinking the juice.  We have some recent and upcoming wins to write home about ... like the recent Capital One Bowl (PSU vs. LSU) ... and today at my agency's "College Spirit" Day.  Yep, you read that right.  College Spirit today where the majority of us publicists are sporting shirts branded with our Alma Maters.  And the kick?  A beer pong tourney in our atrium starting at 4:45 p.m.  I KNOW Big Ten is going to crush any SEC folks here (I'm a little rusty, but beer pong is like riding a bike)... because while the SEC girls were planning their weddings, we were rocking out at Frat parties and eating late night pizza.


Stay tuned for a recap as Renae and I represent the Blue and White/Big Ten and crush through the bracket of opponents.


-HMOH


Find something interesting you want to share?  Be sure to send along photos, thoughts, questions, etc. that you think have a place on this blog.  You can email me at handmaidofhonor@gmail.com.